[PWSX3]

Originally Posted by soheartbroken

Hi Tojaz,

Feel kinda strange posting on one of your threads...anyway, I don't think your wife will look back on you and the marriage in a negative way forever. She's doing it now to justify her departure. In the beginning, the one who leaves starts to define the relationship as troubled, while the one left behind is left thinking the ex is wonderful and the relationship wasn't THAT bad.

But as time passes, the roles reverse. The one left behind starts to see the negative, while the one who left starts to remember the good times and forget the bad.

I think your ex will get there one day. She will remember the positives eventually, and the negatives will fade away.

I totally agree with this because I do feel it has happened to me. At the beginning I was told it was all my fault, I was the one that didn't work on the marriage, etc. etc.
So I believed it until I started to do something about it and "ADMIT" that yes I did have a part in it but it wasn't just me but there was something I could do about my part. Sure it might not get my marriage back but it would make me a better person.

So as I started to do the classes, meet new people I started to grow & I started to see yes I did have a part in the bad marriage but "I" didn't have a part in the divorce, that was all her....

I also started to see her faults, her part in the marriage & I didn't have to own that part anymore, she had to own that.

I still see the good times but I can also see the bad that got us to that point.
Meanwhile she is seeing the bad and only the bad, but now she is seeing the good, it's been a while but she told me she has deep feelings for me & prays that I'll be happy.

I think part of it is, when things aren't going like they thought they should they start to see it wasn't ALL your fault & that they do have to own there part & they don't want to do that so they try & blame that as well on you which makes them even that more evil.

What they thought was your fault they find out wasn't but they don't want to take the responsibility so they get angry & take it out on there spouse or ex.

Not sure if that is true but I wonder about it sometimes.