[bloggervenus]

My personal coach says, "don't throw in the towel. Just go and get what you want. Let him be the one who files for divorce"

- but how can I get what I want?
- what do you want?
- I want a husband who I admire?
- and what happens then? What does that do for you?
- well it would make me happy. it would make me content
- so if you had a husband who did all the things you want your husband to do now, you would be happy?
- Yes!
- Bull S**t! You would find something else in him to be unhappy about. You would find something else to not admire about him
- OK. So, what do you suggest?
- Well, you have to start creating the feeling you want to create in yourself first.
- what does that mean?
- well, start being the woman who admires her husband. What kind of a woman admires her husband regardless of what happens? Be that woman.
- hmm.. very difficult
- yes, it will take time and it is hard but that is the only way you will grow and learn your lesson. Otherwise you will repeat the same experience with someone else

I was starting to think that maybe the lesson here for me is to stand up for what I want and what I like, to take my feelings seriously and to let my heart have a say. Now I am not too sure. Which way is the couragous way?

Meanwhile things are not so great at home. My husband is tired of my unhappiness. He said to our MC yesterday that he was starting to hate himself and that is a red flag for him. He said, "If I am so unhappy and she is so unhappy, then what are we doing?"

No one can give me an answer I know... I am going to pray now.