Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
But you have to stop deluding yourself, if your marriage was so great, and if you truly had any love or respect for your husband, this affair would not have happened.
not always the case. there are people that just don't like being tied down to having sex with just one person. some are fickle and like the variety of boinking a new face once in a while.
But in a sense that would mean ANY marriage to such a person is not going to be great because they aren't fit for marriage.
I want my relationship with my husband to be great and to be able to keep sleeping with my friend. is there a way? im pretty sure im just kidding myself with all this. Thanks for thoughts (please don't hate on me )
Hi there,
My story was very very similar to yours. Routine is a big enemy of relationships (and sex life) and that inevitably at some point it will knock on the door of a long affair. So will all the fears of "is this it??" and in some ways emotional maturing if it makes sense.
I too think is that having both guys won't work. But not only for moral reasons. Just think to yourself honestly what made you change your mind about your husband. For me it was pure boredom and fear of commitment. That's what made me starting looking around in the first place. In the end, I chose my long term partner and at the moment I am trying to rebuild my relationship. Sex with the other guy was amazing, and so was all the things about him my guy did not have. But then again there were so many things my guy did have and this other guy did not.
Don't beat yourself up about your feelings. Just try to be true to yourself.
How ****ing horrible. Reading stuff like this makes me never want to get married. OP please divorce your husband immediatley. Just leave him and spare him the details. You were in no way, shape, or form ready for marriage. You should feel consumed by guilt.
You should feel guilty. First your married. What does that mean to you . You must have an idea of what you think a marriage is. SO you got drunk. If I were you, you should tell your husband what you have done. If he cares for you after telling him everything, he may give you a second chance.
What are you going to do, get a divorce, marry this friend and do the same thing over again to him with someonelse?
I want my relationship with my husband to be great and to be able to keep sleeping with my friend. is there a way?
Yes there is a way, however you have lot of other important steps you need to get through first..
1) you tell your husband what you did
2) watch his world turn upside down
3) your guilt, hopefully, will turn into remorse after realising how much you hurt him
4) he may want to divorce you right away or may want to work on the marriage
5) if you (both) do decide to work on the marriage, it can take years before you can recover it
AND THEN
1) if you still feel like sleeping with this guy and be married to your husband, sure, be open and honest with your husband about it, I don't see why that is not a possibility (ia m not being facetious...i am trying to answer your question and at the same time give you realistic view)
Last edited by 65tr6; 5th November 2009 at 5:18 PM..
You can't be all that guilty, can you? I mean, you are still doing it, right? Sorry but that doesn't equate to guilt, that's you coming on here for validation.
You probably weren't ready for marriage, your actions prove that. Get a divorce before you have kids. For his sake. Let him find someone better.
Sorry.
It sounds like you want the excitement, the thrill, the danger of an A, but also the security of an M. You can't have both. Put yourself in your H's shoes one second, would you like that? Wouldn't you dump his ass? I would. It happens in every R though, the sex gets boring, dull, etc, you fall into a rut etc, but it's up to YOU BOTH to get that back on track, not allowing it to fall to an A. A sex will always be fantastic-its new, its fun, its exciting, its sex not making love. See, but this can only last so long until that gets boring too.
He's attentive blah blah, yeah for now. While he isn't tied down to you. If you want attentive and all that, why haven't you spoken to your H about your needs before now? Before fulfilling them off someone else? You do have a lot to answer for, and think about, I would think about telling your H and letting him decide. You have no right to a choice in this.
You should ask yourself why you have not been able to develop a genuine intimacy with your committed partner (aka your husband).
Acting out sexually with another man while you are married communicates that you aren't in a healthy place emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
My first question would be...have you considered looking into your reasons for being unfaithful? Do you know why you are not acting in ways that communicate love, compassion or empathy for your husband? You clearly understand that he could be seriously hurt by your actions both emotionally and physically (I hope you're using protection). And whatever happens, the results of your actions will impact both of your lives forever.
You say you want things to be great with your husband. You may feel some guilt and shame for doing something that you admit is wrong, but at the end of the day you are betraying him. Knowing that, you seem to indicate that you still want to betray him. How would you respond if he were the one betraying you?
In my opinion, you need to discover if you have the capability to feel genuine love for anyone. You should think about discovering why you don't have a healthy level of empathy and compassion for the man you have committed yourself too. Then, you need to ask yourself why you aren't being honest with yourself or your husband. What is driving you to want to try to have your cake and eat it too?
Saying you love someone means very little if you are too weak or too unsure about the definition of love, honor, and commitment in marriage. You should see a therapist, its possible you have problems regulating your emotions or perhaps a personality disorder such as bipolar or narcissism.
Last edited by letmejustsay; 6th November 2009 at 1:14 AM..
Reason: typo
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