[letmejustsay]

You should ask yourself why you have not been able to develop a genuine intimacy with your committed partner (aka your husband).

Acting out sexually with another man while you are married communicates that you aren't in a healthy place emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

My first question would be...have you considered looking into your reasons for being unfaithful? Do you know why you are not acting in ways that communicate love, compassion or empathy for your husband? You clearly understand that he could be seriously hurt by your actions both emotionally and physically (I hope you're using protection). And whatever happens, the results of your actions will impact both of your lives forever.

You say you want things to be great with your husband. You may feel some guilt and shame for doing something that you admit is wrong, but at the end of the day you are betraying him. Knowing that, you seem to indicate that you still want to betray him. How would you respond if he were the one betraying you?

In my opinion, you need to discover if you have the capability to feel genuine love for anyone. You should think about discovering why you don't have a healthy level of empathy and compassion for the man you have committed yourself too. Then, you need to ask yourself why you aren't being honest with yourself or your husband. What is driving you to want to try to have your cake and eat it too?

Saying you love someone means very little if you are too weak or too unsure about the definition of love, honor, and commitment in marriage. You should see a therapist, its possible you have problems regulating your emotions or perhaps a personality disorder such as bipolar or narcissism.