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Originally Posted by boldjack
Forgiveness only has value if you know what you are forgiving, and if the cheater is truly repentant, and both of these things cannot be done until the OP knows about ALL. We are just assuming that his wife only had one affair, 20 years ago, what if there were more, that he hasn't been told about yet?
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What if there weren't and she's told him the truth?
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Trust, once broken , can never truly be repaired.
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I don't believe that at all.
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In the OP's wife's case, how will she be able to prove her love and respect for her H, when she has just told him that she didn't do either in the past, and is continuing to disrespect him and lie to him, by evading his questions?
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She obviously was not demonstrating love and respect to her husband while having the affair. That we can agree on. It doesn't mean she did not love her husband, however, even during the affair.
I can't see where she is continuing to disrespect and lie to him. Heck, she's done what you keep screaming from the rooftops -- she's told him. She may actually NOT remember all the details about an affair from 20 years ago. Heck, I doubt she was keeping a running tally of exactly how many times she had sex with the man. I'd be good to remember his name after 20 years.

That's quite a while.
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Sam , what is it about integrity that you can't seem to grasp? I am guilty of ALL KINDS OF SINS, the difference between me and you is that I am perfectly willing to address my sins, and honestly confess my guilt to those I have sinned against. You call on the Lord to forgive you, but as the Bible says: " Rise and sin no more", which you haven't done. As long as you don't confess to your H, YOU ARE CONTINUING TO SIN AGAINST HIM AND GOD. Only honest repentance can set you free.
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Wow -- you know all of sorts of stuff about me. Glad you're so clean and always so very honest. LOL
I told you as plain as day I know I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And well -- at the risk of sounding redundant -- I don't think it's best to tell of the affair in every case.
I'm not so sure the OP's wife should have told at this point or what her motivations behind doing so were, unless she was consumed with guilt. In any event, it's their relationship and she did tell. He will have to want to forgive her and ask for God's help in order to do so completely.
I would certainly not be in any rush to put a complete end to such a long term relationship.
And not that it has anything to do with the OP's thread, but I'm not continuing to sin against God because He forgave me.