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Yup I know this well - I grew up in an very old fashioned European family and experience most of what you describe.
Bottom line he has to define his boundaries and stick to them. He needs to tell them what is unacceptable and tell them if it continues he will have to stop speaking with them - and then DO IT!!!
They will call and they will harrangue him for not having picked up a phone, and his answer needs to be - that was your choice.
You both need to understand this will not change them overnight. All you guys can do is change the way you react to them. He needs to stick to his guns and know that in a few years, if he is consistent - then his relationship with them can actually be better.
Good luck
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