[rickigal]

Here is a letter that I wrote to my ex to deal with my anger, confusion and hurt. I have come really close to sending it but I know that if I contact him it will just prolong the pain. It has helped me heal a bit to get some of the emotions out:
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Though we have been apart these months I still think about the tender moments we shared. I always hope that somehow you will come back into my life and we could share our laughs and our silliness that was brought out in each other when we were together. Your entry into my life made me look forward to every day that I could see you and when I was with you I never wanted to leave your arms. I have wanted to call, text or IM you so many times to just talk about little things like the Phillies or how beautiful the day was.

In all of my life I have never felt so close with someone, wanting to share my deepest secrets and desires. Everywhere I go and every song I hear reminds me of you and our time together. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep at night longing to be with you.

It stung so much that you posted a photo on a dating site that I took of you. I wondered what went through your mind when you were going through those photos we took that day. I still look at the few photos I have of us and remember you and us and what a great pair we made. You also posted on the site how you wanted a girl who "saw the good in people but wasn't blinded by their selfish intentions." Tell me, was I blinded by your selfish intentions?

I think about all of the times when you told me you bragged about what a wonderful girlfriend you had. How you called me your Ginger and Marianne. Loved that. You told me how in love with me you were. You gave me an unbelievable birthday writing in my card how you didn't have the words to describe how happy you were I came into your life and how you were looking forward to spending many more occasions with me two weeks before you broke up with me and invited me to your parent's house three days beforehand. I don't get it.

The girls ask to see you and the kitties all the time. It saddens me. I don't know what to tell them. I still don't understand why you couldn't be by my side throughout everything. It makes me wonder if there was something else...like you couldn't accept my children into your life. I also think about when you said "What did you want me to do, string you along until I told you I was sleeping with someone else?" The fact that you even said that makes me wonder...you would do such a thing?

I know that it isn't meant to be because if you really loved me you would have accepted my faults and issues and stood by my side to help me work through them together as a team...day by day, hug by hug. You would have been happy to support me and be my strength. I can't help but think you are selfish. I would give everything I have to anyone I love...they are just things and just money.

I replay in my mind all of the sweet things that you said to me, all of the things you opened up to me about, all of those times we laid in bed chatting and sharing our feelings.

It hurts even more that I was such a good girlfriend to you and I now feel like I was a placeholder in your life. I had deep, genuine, undeniable feelings that I haven't felt in a long time and I feel like you didn't reciprocate those feelings. When I left you said the most patronizing thing..."You're a sweet girl." Do you even know how degrading that was? That was all you could say after all of the moments we shared and conversations we had? Were they all meaningless to you? I'm a sweet girl???? That's all I was to you? I gave you all of me...trusted you, loved you, opened up to you, let down my guard for you. When we first got together I said I didn't want to commit to being your girlfriend because I didn't want to get hurt again. You reassured me that you wouldn't break up with me, you weren't going anywhere and that you wouldn't hurt me. I am so angry about that.

I will always feel something really special for you and I miss you like crazy. It has now been 5 weeks since you broke my heart but I still replay everything in my mind over and over all day long and I can't get you off of my mind. I love you and I always will in some way. I would take you back anytime. I hope you are well even though you hurt me so.