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The topic of this thread is "affairs and lying". Sure, it was written from the view of a former OW, but its generally discussing affairs and lying.
I take issue with the fact that jennie-jennie is attempting to turn it into which relationship is more real - the affair or the marriage. This thread is not about that. Its about "affairs and lying".
The affair IS a lie when the BS doesn't know about it. And the way to keep it hidden is to do so by lies of ommission and obfuscation on the part of the WS and the OP. We already know that the BS is lied to during the A. Why feel the need to make it seem that only the BS are lied to and that somehow that makes the BS stupid for believing the lies if they don't have absolute proof of an A?
Affairs involve lying. And like 2sure has already posted, it isn't the direct lying that's the biggest problem for the BS - its the pretense that everything is just fine, the pretense that the love for the BS is the highest ever. If I were an OP this would be a problem for me. I would not accept that while my "BF" is telling me that he loves me, that he's planning to leave for me - he's home doing everything in her power to make his leaving seem like it was completely out of the blue (for those in this situation). But I guess this falls under the general feeling of most OPs (as was said in the past by some) that they don't care if the BS is being lied to because they didn't feel that they were being lied to. And you know what? Those same OPs are probably still in the same boat they were in before because they allowed the lying to go on instead of challenging the status quo and getting the MP to make a decision to end the affair/marriage limbo.
(And of course, none of this is relevant if you enjoy being an OP and have no designs of an exclusive relationship with the MP you are seeing.)
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