In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
you're only too old for her if it becomes a legal issue. other than that... you're only as old as you feel. generation gaps can either make a relationship extremely interesting or make it fall apart miserably. IMHO life is too short not to take chances--it's something i'm attempting to grasp as a result of feeling much the same as you do. you gotta weigh out risk vs reward here.
i do have to ask though, is there any type of bond at all between you two? like a friendship or even a simple acquaintance?
you say this is common for you to fall for what you can't have. i empathize completely. i have this horrible habit of self destructing with nearly everything i desire. i've managed to put myself in a wicked circle of back and forth unrequited love with the same person for going on 7 years. its irritating and emotionally draining. at some point though, the cycle has to be broken. i wish i could give you some decent advice, however... i'm in a similar situation.
No there's no legal issue, it would however raise a lot of eyebrows.
This age imbalanced attraction is a real problem for me in general though.
I look and act a lot younger than I am. People generally assume I'm about 10 years younger than I am. Added to this I am very inexperienced with relationships probably more so than most people 10 years younger than I am.
As a result I generally find myself falling for girls that are around 17/18 years of age (AOC here is 16). They tend to be at a similar level to me, in terms of experience, looks and emotional maturity.
She is an acquaintance, just about. We know each other's names, say hi to each other and go to the same choir but that's about it.
I'd desperately like to get to know her better but I wouldn't know where to start without causing embarrassment to either of us.
OP, not sure how old you are but 16 is pretty young and that could get you in trouble. Stick to the 18 plus. Just because you are inexperienced doesn't mean that you won't find lots of other girls that are also inexperienced. Go for the super shy types - that was me. As I'm sure you are aware, appearance indicates little about how much experience a person has.
As soon as you said there was an age difference in your other post, I knew what was coming. Except I didnt expect the girl's age to be THAT young. So, from your post I guess you are at least 10 years older than this 16 year old CHILD, right?? Probably more. What, are you like 35 years old or something?
What the hell is wrong with some of you men?? WOMEN your age just don't do it for you pervs? Or as your post suggest, you just cant handle a woman? Little girls are easier to impress.
For the love of GOD..leave her alone. You don't need to get to know a 16 year old child better.
Firstly please get off your high horse there's no need for it thank you.
Secondly I'm not 35 and she's not 16. I'm 30 and she's almost 18. I acknowledge that this is a large difference, which is why I know it can't come to anything.
Lastly If you read my first post properly you will note that I said that I did not intend to pursue anything with her, so please stop with the name calling. There's no need and even if I did pursue something; she is well over the age of consent here, and I do not deserve being called a pervert. Just because the place where you live classes girls under 18 as children and under the age of consent doesn't mean everywhere in the world does. It would be like me calling you a drunken alcoholic if I lived in a place where alcohol was forbidden and you said that you wanted a drink.
I don't know what your issues are, or why you're so angry and upset, I could try to psychoanalyse you too and call you names but I'm not going to go there.
Last edited by Zoff; 14th October 2009 at 11:13 PM..
At work, how often do you see her/walk past her booth/etc.? Should try keep it to a minimum.
I work very closely with her as she's part of the team. That's what I hate about it. I could always get a transfer again to another branch but I've already done that before (she used to work at the old branch too).
OP, not sure how old you are but 16 is pretty young and that could get you in trouble. Stick to the 18 plus. Just because you are inexperienced doesn't mean that you won't find lots of other girls that are also inexperienced. Go for the super shy types - that was me. As I'm sure you are aware, appearance indicates little about how much experience a person has.
She's almost 18, and no it's definitely not a legal problem. It's just that to avoid any reactions like winecountry's I wouldn't go there.
It's kind of sad, because the only girls that pay me any attention are around that age. The last girls I went out with were 17, and 18 respectively and they both asked me out. I can't help looking young.
Last edited by Zoff; 14th October 2009 at 11:33 PM..
I work very closely with her as she's part of the team. That's what I hate about it. I could always get a transfer again to another branch but I've already done that before (she used to work at the old branch too).
Yeah, it'll be hard unfortunately.
I still think (and know from my personal experience) that it is possible to get to a point where you see this person and not have your feelings go into overdrive. You honestly just have to accept and stop seeing the person as a possibility. Having time away from the person (ie. holiday season) also helps.
I still think (and know from my personal experience) that it is possible to get to a point where you see this person and not have your feelings go into overdrive. You honestly just have to accept and stop seeing the person as a possibility. Having time away from the person (ie. holiday season) also helps.
any tips on what you did?
I actually had heaps of time away from her, 2 months. I was happy she went away but unfortunately she came back.
When she's away from you or you from her, you just have to convince yourself that it's not happening and to get over her. That's what I did. I still see my unrequited at uni, but I don't flinch anymore. It just doesn't bother me, I've grown to accept it.
I mean I'm not going to ask her out because it would be an embarrassing situation for both of us and could make things awkward in the future.
There is simply no way that this could ever be possible because there is too much of an age difference between us. I'm simply to old for her.
The fact that I know that my feelings for her are hopeless means that I not only feel miserable, but also stupid, for feeling these pointless feelings in the first place.
I am afraid I can't offer much help. I've had crushes, but none went so far that it could develop into unrequited love.
There were times when I was sure that it wouldn't work out (age gap, different stages in life, the woman had a bf, etc.). In those cases, I never had a problem of letting that crush go.
If you don't feed a crush, it will die. At least that is how it works for me. Crushes get fed by my imagination, I think about how things could/would/should be.
And when I believe that a relationship can't work out, there is no reason for that crush to exist anymore. A few days is usually all it took once I decided it wouldn't work.
I found it far more difficult to let go of a crush if I already knew the woman for some time and was convinced we could make a relationship work, but then the woman wasn't interested when I asked her out or told her about having a crush on her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoff
She is an acquaintance, just about. We know each other's names, say hi to each other and go to the same choir but that's about it.
I met a woman online and developed a crush on her long before I knew what she looked like and long before we met. So I can relate to how it feels to get ahead of yourself.
However, you really know nothing about this girl. Since there is no legal problem, you could talk to her to find out if there is a mutual interest. Then again, I do agree with you that this is a large age gap and I wouldn't pursue a 18 year old (I am 31).
And since you already decided not to pursue, you could try to tell yourself enough is enough. That fantasy is nice to have while it lasts, but the reality of it is that in the end it will bring nothing but pain and misery if you let that crush grow against your better judgement.
As soon as you said there was an age difference in your other post, I knew what was coming. Except I didnt expect the girl's age to be THAT young. So, from your post I guess you are at least 10 years older than this 16 year old CHILD, right?? Probably more. What, are you like 35 years old or something?
What the hell is wrong with some of you men?? WOMEN your age just don't do it for you pervs? Or as your post suggest, you just cant handle a woman? Little girls are easier to impress.
For the love of GOD..leave her alone. You don't need to get to know a 16 year old child better.
I think this is rather unfair and uncalled-for. I understand where you're coming from, but really, you'd be better off reserving your venom for the posters who say things like 'I love 16 year olds cause they're so gullible and have nubile bodies and don't demand like you hags, and it's legal so there HAHA'. This guy has already admitted that he won't be pursuing the girl, because he finds the age difference too awkward.
OP, I've been there done that, got the T shirt and all that jazz. First guy I ever fell for was an extremely religious guy who apparently took a personal vow to lifelong celibacy. Heh. Second guy was 12 years older than me. Fortunately, the list of BAD unrequited loves stopped there.
I wish you all the best - just follow your gut instincts on this one. If you think it won't work, do your best to move on. Maybe someday, like me, you'll stumble across someone who'll be the light of your life when you're least expecting it.
I know! It's so ridiculous that I should feel anything towards her. The fact that I do, and that I know it's so illogical makes me feel really annoyed with myself.
It would be interesting to know what it is that makes us feel such strong attraction towards one person and not towards another.
What you said about not feeding it makes sense, it is however easier said than done :/ I've never been someone who can stop feelings like this quickly.
Thanks everyone who understood, and for some of your kind words. Like I said, I don't intend to do anything about this, I just need to vent and let it out.
She's almost 18, ...the only girls that pay me any attention are around that age.
I guess this thread confirms all that you say, as few of the brainchildren who have been responding have paid any attention to anything you've written.
I mean, it's all there in black and white, and they're clearly still too lazy to check the facts before they go ranting off on totally unrelated topics.
The law is the law, and it is there for a reason, and morons who have a problem with the law have only one sensible recourse, and that is the go through proper channels to change that law (if, that is, they can get another soul to agree with their dumb ideas).
There probably isn't any harm in imagining things you're imagining, but it probably wouldn't be a great thing for either one of you.
Truly there are few things that can equal the emotional pain and distress this causes.
I don't know if deep down there is a part of me that enjoys torturing myself because I always fall for girls I cannot have.
Once, just once I'd like to fall for a girl I have even a remote chance of getting together with.
I thought I'd gotten this under control because it's been a few years now since I felt anything like this for a girl but it's happened to me again and I need to get it off my chest because I feel like there's a fist in my chest crushing my heart every time I think of her.
I'm in a choir with this girl, so I see her almost every week and it's agony. She's in the row in front of me and I have to tear my eyes away from her time and time again.
To see something you want more than anything else, right in front of you but completely unattainable, it's a horrible feeling. Even worse is the knowledge that some other guy(s) will get to be with her, it just feels so unfair.
I wish that I could have my emotions switched off so that I don't ever need to experience this again.
Apologies for the depressing thread, but I'm close to tears. I'm normally really good at controlling my emotions because I know that when they get out they overwhelm me, like what is happening now.
You're in love with the idea of being in love, which is understandable, but realize what your true feelings are. You like this girl because she's friendly, and you have special feelings for her because you have already concluded that this is the type of girl you could imagine yourself falling in love with. All of this is understandable, and I think we all go through these kinds of feelings at one point in our lives or another.
But there's a difference between the above and actually 'loving' someone. The latter is different, because it's real - real feelings based on real time and emotions invested in someone, and through real experiences that have been shared. You can't really love this girl, because you haven't really been through that with her yet.
The unrequited love isn't really love that's rejected, it's the realization that this person isn't giving you what you want, which is the experience of being in love. The simple solution to that is, find someone who will give you that experience. Don't be overly choosy, but be selective. Don't spend a moment of time wasted on hoping that the rejection will turn into something more; it won't. Focus on the positive. Focus on someone you can create something with.
__________________ Should have been dead on a Sunday morning bangin' my head, no time for mournin', ain't got no time -- My Own Prison, Creed
i feel you bro, same thing happened to me. with a classmate in med school. So it was guaranteed that I would see here for 4 yrs everyday except Sunday. You get over it, pick urself up and dust yourself off. The pain is there and it still lingers but you adapt. Plus meeting other girls does you a whole lot of good
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