[fllove17]

I've been working at the same place for over a year and have become really good friends with one of my female co-workers. In fact, she has become one of my better friends. Not just at work but in general. I've always had some feelings for her, but ever since I've known her she has been with the same guy. The odds of them splitting up at this point are slim to none. In fact a proposal is on the way. Even though she is with this guy, she and I are very close. So close that some fellow co-workers of ours have asked me if there is something between us. I sometimes feel like I'm the boyfriend when the real boyfriend isn't around.

Weirdly though, this is not what is making me jealous. I've never really thought I stood a chance because she has always been infatuated with her boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, when I hang out with the both of them, I don't really care to see them be affectionate. However, this isn't what is bothering me.

What really bothers me is seeing her spend time with other co-workers. Which I know is crazy. I think the problem is that I'm currently not seeing anyone. And there isn't anyone I'm even interested in. So I think all the emotional feelings of um... (im not sure what to call it) fulfillment one would get through a girlfriend, I'm trying to get through her. And I guess the thought of losing her friendship and all the other things I'm trying to get out of it, to one of my co-workers really bothers me. So when I see her starting to talk to different co-workers more often, I start to get jealous. And even more pathetic, sometimes when we go to office parties and I see her interact with other co-workers, usually when she gets a little drunk, I get the feeling that if she were single, she would rather date one of them than she would me. Which is kind of a blow to my ego as I'm out there looking for someone to date.

I realize the whole thing is preposterous because she isn't leaving her boyfriend. So I'll never feel any kind of "rejection" of her choosing one of my other co-workers. And at this point in time, we haven't been hanging out any less than we normally do so I shouldn't feel like our friendship is waning in the slightest. But at times I get really jealous for no reason. I cant even really understand it.

I feel like if I was seeing someone or really interested in someone else, this problem would most likely fix itself. But that isn't going to magically happen overnight. And in the meanwhile I just want to go back to her and I being friends with no concern for any of this other stuff.

Any thoughts? Besides the fact that I'm probably nuts. I really do enjoy hanging out with her and I guess any normal person would be a little concerned about losing a good friend. However its more than that for me and I know it shouldnt be.