indeed i do like reading books like that and i will look for it.
i don't know why you would think you don't deserve good things in your life...are you serious? i guess the rest of us are no different if we continue to allow not so god things into our lives . i just feel like sometimes it's easy to become blind to what a man is really about unless you make mental AND written notes about what you want. i too have seen THE SECRET and i won't talk much about here out of respect for the thread but i will say that it makes sense. i guess i just have to really be conscious of what i'm thinking when i meet these guys...
It's very important that you honor what you want, because your wants and desires are very important. Even in relationships, each person should honor the other's preferences. Sometimes this requires compromise - but that's not the same as ignoring what someone wants. I don't think people really understand this.
that's an EXCELLENT point and a good discussion...
indeed i do like reading books like that and i will look for it.
i don't know why you would think you don't deserve good things in your life...are you serious? i guess the rest of us are no different if we continue to allow not so god things into our lives . i just feel like sometimes it's easy to become blind to what a man is really about unless you make mental AND written notes about what you want. i too have seen THE SECRET and i won't talk much about here out of respect for the thread but i will say that it makes sense. i guess i just have to really be conscious of what i'm thinking when i meet these guys...
It's your party, honey, you can talk about whatever you want. I think the real point is that, yes, decide on what qualities you expect in a man and change your expectations about men, but also listen to your instincts. As far as expectations are concerned, if we expect a man to lean on us, for him to be the drama king, if we say that 'well, all men cheat' - that's our expectation is and that's what we'll get. If we expect a man who has no emotional control, or who really wants a 'mommy', again - what we get. If we expect a man who acts like a man, who has total emotional control and strong ethics, who wouldn't dream of controlling you, that Mr. Wonderful will show up. I will only go with one of two options in the future - either he's a great man and has the qualities that I must have, or I'll never marry again. There is no in between for me anymore.
On the topic of paying attention to our instincts - without fail, whenever I have met a guy that I didn't like within 10 seconds of meeting him, that opinion never changed. Or if I felt warning signals in the beginning - that always proved to be correct. With my first husband, I liked him but he was too simple-minded for me. He was a good guy, though, and we should've just remained friends. My second husband was someone I had some slight misgivings about in the beginning and those only increased with time. My third husband seemed way too covert in his behavior and it wasn't long before I knew I should've walked away. But I told myself that I would just keep it casual and would just be sure to never marry him. Ha. Not mentioning a few of the guys in between those other train wrecks. And with every marriage, I wanted to bolt before I said 'I do'. So, I guess getting to 'I do' wasn't the problem for me - it was getting to the desirable 'i do'. Sounds like you and Heartford are in the same boat. No shortage of guys, just a shortage of quality guys.
It's easy to look at someone else and say they deserve good things and all that - but it's quite another for us to see it in ourselves, I think. It's never really been a conscious thought for me - that I don't deserve this or that. But I do believe it's been the underlying reason behind all the decisions in my life.
And with every marriage, I wanted to bolt before I said 'I do'. So, I guess getting to 'I do' wasn't the problem for me - it was getting to the desirable 'i do'. Sounds like you and Heartford are in the same boat. No shortage of guys, just a shortage of quality guys.
yeah. the desirable 'i do' is what i want as well.not just any 'i do' will do...
i could've married my current X had i kept the ring, but i could never see that happening with all the issues that exist. i have more peace right now than i've had in a while and i want that to last as long as possible.
yeah. the desirable 'i do' is what i want as well.not just any 'i do' will do...
i could've married my current X had i kept the ring, but i could never see that happening with all the issues that exist. i have more peace right now than i've had in a while and i want that to last as long as possible.
That's really good to hear. I'm sure you'll still have days that feel up and down but finding any amount of peace at this stage is a really good sign. To you and Heartford - I say, keep your options open, enjoy this time to yourself because it's way too early to get involved with someone else right now; you have a lot to figure out and reflect on. Find out what you like without outside influence, define it, find out what you want to do - and once you do all that, you'll be ready for a healthy relationship I think.
That's really good to hear. I'm sure you'll still have days that feel up and down but finding any amount of peace at this stage is a really good sign. To you and Heartford - I say, keep your options open, enjoy this time to yourself because it's way too early to get involved with someone else right now; you have a lot to figure out and reflect on. Find out what you like without outside influence, define it, find out what you want to do - and once you do all that, you'll be ready for a healthy relationship I think.
Hey, girl! I'm sorry you're down. How's your day going? And how does it feel being away from that old job and everything?
heyyyy. i'm better 2day thanks.
my mind hasnt felt this free in a long time... even though i'm dealing with the B.U. and other stuff,it's a different kind of stress than i had when i was at that job...seriously. i'm still glad i made the decision(s)...
I'm glad to hear that. Sometimes we can't imagine how great the freedom can be, can we? I hope you continue to enjoy it. Stay in touch!
hey and happy friday!! how are things with you? have you heard from heartford? i hope she's ok.
the date went nicely, w/the old X(not the recent X,although u said you'd write them both off). we haven't gone too far yet. i don't plan on it right now. it was a nice day.he said face to face again that "this time around is going to be so much better, i promise u". i'm a bit of a naysayer at this point,so he told me "ok, you're gonna see". so he was calling and keping in touch for the past several weeks until last night...
he texted me saying "hi". i wz in the midst of texting someone else as well, so i texted my old X by mistake saying "ur welcome,anytime." he said "what". i texted back telling him what happened,but go no response from him.i texted again and he only gave me a one or 2 word text. is he pouting or what? was i wrong?
any other time i would be broke up about his nonresponsiveness.but i'm just venting right now b/c i want to know how much (if any) i am to blame for the way things transpire in my relationships whether very serious or not. i'm not sad or distraught,just curious.so any feedback is welcome.
Hey, girl! I hope you're doing well. No, I haven't heard from Heartford but I'm sure she's fine.
Little things like the ex being non-responsive is just one of those things that's going to kind of gnaw at you even if it isn't a huge deal. And it's probably gnawing at him in a different way. You can't really expect him to respond to you because you've broken up and he either doesn't want to talk, doesn't feel like chatting, or is just enjoying the game of ignoring you. Don't worry about it because you're probably not going to have the answers about what he does and why he does it.
Just please be careful with the other ex. It's very tricky to just casually date someone who's serious about you. You may tell yourself that you're just killing time but it's a dangerous place to put yourself in. I don't know anything about the guy except for the few things you told me but just like with what happened with your most recent ex - how you went against your initial instincts and let him convince you to be in the relationship - it could happen again in this situation. You have certain instincts about him and you shouldn't ignore them. It's not easy to date casually and eventually you're going to be put in the position to be serious or take it to another level. And then you'll convince yourself to sleep with him by, once again, telling yourself that it's not serious, etc., etc. All the things he's doing - texting, dating, occupying your time, saying it's going to be different this time - are designed to draw you back in and before you know it, you're in another not-so-great relationship.
Just please, be very careful about who you allow into your life. As we've discussed before, women especially need to be very protective of themselves.
hi angel. good hearing from you. how are things with you?
things are ok on my end. taking it one day at a time. he started calling again the next day or so. i know he's not for me.
my older X has been in contact but pulled back for some reason.not sure why. it lets me know that he's really not serious about what he said (which i assumed) or is intentionally trying to antagonize me.so that's that...
you're right on point by reminding me to be careful of who i allow into my life.
actually for the older X to pull back shouldn't come as a surprise to me.afterall i was the one who told him i wasnt ready.i kind of feel like he's trying to create this kind of situation for his own selfish reasons.
Hey, you! I'm doing fine and getting excited about the holidays coming up. I love this time of year. I hope it won't be hard for you considering the circumstances of the break up and everything. That can make things tough, I know.
Who knows what the older ex was after or whether he's really serious or not? The thing is, it's really hard to go back to an old relationship because as soon as the old issues come up again, it's like being in the twilight zone, and you tend to wonder, 'what the heck was i thinking?' I don't know, if it didn't work out back then, most likely nothing has changed to make it work now. Honestly I think he was just wanting sex and thought you'd be an easy target. That's why it's a really good idea not to sleep with a guy too soon because when they're just looking for sex, they'll disappear pretty quick when they don't get what they want. I suspect that he'll be back again because I think he's just playing a game with you. Just ignore him and go on with your life. You've got better things to do.
One thing I've kind of noticed about you is that you seem to spend a lot of time focused on what the guy is thinking, feeling, doing, etc. I think a lot of us women are guilty of that - thinking more of what the guy thinks instead of being more introspective about what we think or feel or - God forbid - what we want. I think it's much better for us when we shift that focus back on ourselves and make sure that WE want the relationship, that WE want the guy in our lives, that he's worthy of us. Did you ever see the movie 'The Mirror Has Two Faces'? One of the things the main character says to a guy was, "I was always so worried about what YOU would think, I never bothered to think about how I would feel." (I don't think that's a direct quote but you get the picture.) I think a lot of us are like that and I think it works against us most of the time.
I believe it's really important that we're kind and giving to the man we love. But I don't think women are taught to treat their kindness like a gift and that if someone doesn't deserve it, if they don't deserve us, then that gift shouldn't be given so readily. I believe that if we value ourselves, then we'll start attracting people in our lives who value us.
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