[mimiminx]

Thank you,
Yeah, he went to great romantic lengths (as usual)... it was nice.

[mimiminx]

I'm having one of those days that I am (not having second thoughts) but I guess fears. This is understandable as I had my heart broken by the man I never thought would hurt me..
It's hard because we are apart right now, in different states... he reassures me that it won't be much longer, he's already looking into places to live here in CA, and telling friends and family. We had agreed that we'd go pick out a Christmas tree this year (a tradition of ours). I know the month will go by quickly, it just seems like we are apart so much... earlier in the year we were apart for over 2 months, during the breakup over 2 months, now another month? Can relationships survive so much time away from eachother? I just don't like this. Neither one of us do, really. This is what worries me; if we broke up after spending so much time separated, how can we make it through the day to day for the rest of our lives?!
I'm all for time alone, I don't need to be attached at the hip.. a little time apart is good; it makes the heart grow fonder and makes the time together more meaningful, but I guess what i am saying is that I am no longer ok with the long separations. I don't see why they would happen again, but due to circumstances over the past year, it has happened too frequently.
I was thinking about my first long-term bf, he repeatedly hurt me and in the end left me for someone else.. I told myself that if he hurt me in so many other ways, why couldn't he hurt me in the ultimate way (betrayal).. and that scares me with this time around. My guy has never hurt me until he left me. Now that he has, he's capable of doing it again! I guess anyone is capable, but just based on experience, I am afraid. I know R loves me very very much and is madly in love with me, and wants to make this work and have a future with me. I just don't want to get hurt again. I think that's the risk you have to take with love though. He's certainly not giving me any reason to have doubts or be concerned that he's not being sincere.
Just venting. I'm very happy, sad that we're apart (again) though. Actually, the month away may be a blessing because it will prove the sincerity of everything if that makes sense. Here's the upcoming dilemma: the living situation. Not sure if I am ok with living together right away again. Then again, it would be much more practical if we did, and we want to. Will cross that bridge when the time comes.

[georgia girl]

Mimi,

These are normal feelings and believe me, I've been there. However, this is where your hard work comes into play. Your partner is not responsible for your self-confidence. He needs to support you and love you, but even in your post, you say he's doing that. Now is when you have to learn not to give into your fears and become overly needy. I know, I was there. Every time anything went just a little out of whack, I took things to the, "perhaps this is the start of the old habits... maybe we should just break up" level.

The only advice I can give is to recognize your fears (which you're doing), own them as your problem - not his, and don't give into them. Things will continue to get better and better once you do this. You mentioned in an earlier post that perhaps the breakup could be the best thing to happen to your relationship because you both recognized your bad relationship behaviors. I think that's true. It's hard not to focus on his bad behaviors (because he was the one who committed the act of leaving) but you have to fix yours, too.

Sorry for the tough luck but you've got a good thing now. Good luck. this is so, so natural.

GG

[mimiminx]

Thanks GG