Look at her actions. Therein lies the truth and the crystal ball of the future.
If you can learn to love and yet let go, then love won't be scary and unpredictable. It will just be a state of consciousness and appreciation for the qualities in the other person.
It is when you try to use love to control the other person that you climb on board the crazy train.
I see what you mean. I talked to her 2 days ago, and when I mentioned taking a month break, she got really upset. She starting tearing up and telling how not talking for a month would mean that we would never talk again. I was trying to explain to her that by not talking to her, I wanted to be happy and not have to be concerned about me and if she doesn't feel like talking and the end of the break, I wouldn't blame her. Instead she got more upset and made me promise to keep talking to her.I didn't know what to say but ok for the moment. She acknowledged that there was some relationship between , albeit not under the title girlfriend/boyfriend but very similar to it. Am I being selfish? What do I do? I asked her if she wanted me to come to Japan for the month, and she replied that she really missed me, but I want to know, how am I coming to Japan; as a friend or something more.
What do YOU want? What does SHE want? Are they both the same. If not, YOUR needs are the most important needs for you. I'm not saying go out and do something stupid or illegal, to try to control her, but if not talking to her for a month, or whatever amount of time, will make you feel better, than I say you do it. Why sacrifice your own happiness, for someone else's happiness, when clearly she's not on the same page as you. You are still young (I assume), so you'll have plenty of opportunities.
See where I get confused is by a number of small incidents when she returned to the east coast and then hawaii. First was a night when she called me drunk and confessed she loved me. I told her I loved her too, but not thinking she would remember. During my recent confession she admitted to me she wasn't drunk that night at all, but wasn't sure how I would react. Then there is the jealousy she had when a on old friend, a girl, posted on my wall how much she missed me. I explained to her that it was nothing, which she responded "You can't be doing things like that if you want to keep me." And she looked genuinely embarrassed and angry, which meant a lot for me. What kind of girl flies twice to spend a few days with you, even after her grandpa has passed away? What kind of girl stays awake even when its three in the morning to talk to you about stupid things while you help correct her paper? I don't know and that's where Im confused. I don't want to end it, but she has become more distant, as if repulsed by me for saying that I love her and that I want to be her boyfriend. And I don't think i can be just her friend. Was there an unspoken relationship that I just didn't see? Or did I make it up all in my head?
ok, I read everything. This is what I picked up from reading everything,..including your responses to the replies. I think you guys obviously care about each other, but it will never be anything real unless you two can move close to each other. She cares about you, but she wants a Real relationship with someone that lives where she lives. ...not a long distance relationship. It is what it is. Im sorry. ...but you never know what the future will hold.
She does not want you but does not want to be with you.
She does not want to lose your attention, company (online, phone), and support.
You are playing the role of the BF with none of the benefits. I would make a hefty bet the moment she meets someone who interests her she leaves you hanging high and dry without a second thought.
She is using you for comfort and attention. Time to stop wasting your time pining over someone who does not want to be your girlfriend, and find someone who does.
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