[thewomantoblame]

We met about 14 years ago. He's been absent from my life for a long time until last December when I ran into him. We've steadily gotten closer and closer over the last year.

The other night he said that he's just not ready to be in a committed relationship right now. He said he's fighting it and he doesn't know why he's fighting it. He's about 84% sure that I'm "the one", but he's just having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that it's me. He said to give him some time and I told him to take all the time he wanted, but I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him. He said he thought I was based on some previous statements and I explained that I would go insane if I sat around waiting for him, knowing that he was dating other girls. I told him I couldn't sleep with him again until he had decided that this was worth not seeing other people. I've spent the last three nights at his house and nothing has happened. He left a party last night and came out to meet me and some of my friends, but I'm very much treating him the same way I have. I'm not going to act like his girlfriend and when he doesn't know what's going on in his head.

I think we're ok for the time being. I'm not going to let myself run wild with romantic notions of him if he's still trying on other merchandise. I'm not stupid, I get that he's shopping around and while it's offensive, I also get that he's scared. I'm scared of what a committed relationship with him would mean for me, but I'm not having to deal with my fear right now because of his.