[Lonelystar]

Hi everyone.
Well I'm really confused on what to do. My boyfriend just e-mailed me saying he is uncertain of our future because he have been fighting lately ( do to his religious belifs and mine). I know I have egged it on because I love debates but I think he takes them personally. I was supposed to go seem him on the 28th of December and have already bought the tickets. He said he wants to take this time as a "time renewal" for us whatever that is supposed to mean. I don't know if I should go or just stay home. I love him with all my heart, but when you love someone do you have doubts about the relationship at any point. I don't if he still loves me or not , even though he says he does. Any advice would be great since I'm not thinking right.

[d'Arthez]

This is a very tricky situation. Is there any chance you would be able to speak to him before you would take the plane?

And pardon me for asking, but how serious are the religious differences perceived to be? And are you perceiving it to be as important as the other partner does?

[Lonelystar]

Yeah he comes home a day before I take the plane so I will. Well I'm Hindu and he is Christian. I told him a long time ago that I could never convert. I'm not a very religious person but I feel a spirtual connection to my religion I could never give up. I don't mind that he Christian at all and respect his belifs. I'm a religious studies minor so I know all about different religions and I like to discuss them. I suppose this could be the problem. He says he loves him, but is uncertain. I just don't know what thats supposed to mean at all. Does he really love me? or is having doubts signify the love going down hill. Thanks for your help.

[d'Arthez]

That perfectly explains your desire to debate religious matters with your boyfriend. And it is also obvious your boyfriend knows about that as well. So in that sense, the religions are not the real issue. However, it seems the discussion is the issue.

It could be the case, that he has taken some remarks you may have made as personal attacks. Without you intending them as such. Or it may have given him food for thought - and doubts may have set in about the desirability of a relationship with someone from a different religious background.

Have you had any indication that he takes things personally in other areas of life as well? If so, then that is his ways for dealing with problems. And not the best - but that is beside the point for this question.
If however, this is the first time he reacts like this, then it points to the fact that it is an issue of the utmost importance to him.

Either way, I would definitely try to communicate a bit with him, and a calm way, before you decide whether or not to go.

And yes, sometimes love is not enough to make a relationship work. Sadly. But the doubts themselves do not prove anything by itself. It just proves that he is reflecting on the situation and the relationship.

[Lonelystar]

Yeah I have told him plenty of times not to take it personal but I have done research on things and I have told him what I have found. I know love cannot keep a relationship together and thats what sucks. I hate how religion, ethnicity, and other factors weigh in so much. I love him with all my heart and do not tell him that his religion is inferior or anything, just simply discuss issues brought up in class i find interesting. Heck I have even made arguments against my own religion or point out things I do not like. He makes me upset because he believes homosexuality acts are sin and I do not. However, none of us are homosexual so I have tried to look past it. He isn't a gay basher or anything but thinks the act not the people are in sin. Anyways besides that we get a long well. Want to raise kids without a religion and let them pick. I think I will try to talk to him and see how he feels before I do go. He wrote me an e-mail saying he loves me so much and letting go of me wouldn't be easy but he is uncertain at times about our future. I don't want to be in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere. Maybe I should wait out to see what happens, because nobody really knows what the future holds for anyone. I just don't know how to react because I cannot change m belifs. I could pretend but it wouldn't be true to who I was. Thank you so much for your advice. I really apperciate it.

[justagirliegirl]

It sounds like maybe your fights are going a bit overboard.

Noting wrong with a good debate but ya gotta allow people to save face and know when enough is enough.

Would you want to lose him over this?