I've been reading a little and wanted to post a question. I have been emotionally involved with a man who is newly married. He lives 3000 miles away from me and it takes everything in my power not to go see him all the time. I feel like I am falling in love with him - like we have kindred spirits or something and I can't break away. If nothing romantic works out, I want to at least be friends with him. He knows this is wrong and is against it, but he knows we have a deep connection.
I feel really alone. I can't really talk to my friends about it. He is significantly older than me, too. Is anyone else feeling this way? Can anyone give me any advice or words of wisdom?
Its funny because I was in your situation earlier this year. You didn't mention how you met or know this person, but I met mine over the internet and then we started instant messaging, phone calls and so on. We were both totally crazy about each other. He even told me that he loved me. He is married and I am too. He had an incredibly guilty conscience and told me that he need to work on his marriage because he kept comparing his wife to me and that was not healthy for them. He was so weak that he could not stop communicating with me. I was so smitten by this man, who was 15 years older than me, that I had seriously thought of going to him. He is in seattle and I am on the east coast. He sent me an email one day that said due to reasons we have discussed before and some new personal ones, I am deleting your name from my messenger and will not contact you again. He told me that he wished me the best, etc. I was devastated and hurt. It took a long time to get over that....but I did. It could have only lead to no good. I treasure our friendship that we had and will always pray that he is happy. It is so much easier to get over someone that you cannot see or touch. It was what it was for a few months, but I am glad that he had to guts to stop it. He was much wiser than me. Good luck.
confused **hugs** for you. I really feel for what ur going thru. I am in a similar situation, only difference is i am not in love with him yet, but we have that connection you're talking about. He's married and i am not.
Everyone here is probably going to "mind bash" you to leave it alone and forget about him, but the truth is if there is something there and u really feel for each other, it will happen sooner or later.
Good luck with what you decide, i hope it all works out for you.
What will 'happen' is that he will string you along for years, promising he really loves you but just can't leave his wife this year because (choose any possible reason) while you sit home alone on holidays and your birthday and all your friends have their own men.
And after 5 or 8 or 15 or 30 years, you'll realize you wasted your life settling for crumbs when you should have run from him and found true love and a home with a man of your own.
What will 'happen' is that he will string you along for years, promising he really loves you but just can't leave his wife this year because (choose any possible reason) while you sit home alone on holidays and your birthday and all your friends have their own men.
Yep.
And it's up to you whether you want to be a part of that scenario or not. Personally, I do, for the time being. Unlikely as it sounds, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, and the most comfortable I've been with someone. I don't think it's always the case that having your 'own' man is the best way... it all depends on the man and the relationship. It is possible to be happy with someone in very difficult circumstances.
And it's up to you whether you want to be a part of that scenario or not. Personally, I do, for the time being. Unlikely as it sounds, this is the best relationship I've ever been in, and the most comfortable I've been with someone. I don't think it's always the case that having your 'own' man is the best way... it all depends on the man and the relationship. It is possible to be happy with someone in very difficult circumstances.
Sami, you know I like you personally and I'm not saying this to offend but I think that's the saddest thing i've read on here in a while...the fact that this affair you're in with a married man is the "best relationship I've ever been in." Really sad.
He knows this is wrong and is against it, but he knows we have a deep connection.
Well like scarletletter, I met my MM online first too. AND after three months of us debating the rights and wrongs of what we were doing (talking on the phone, basically, but thinking about meeting up) he decided he had to work on his marriage. So we cooled everything right off. It would have been too easy to just drift into something simply because he was feeling dissatisfied with his M at the time we happened to meet.
What I'm wondering is, with your MM saying he knows it's wrong, but you have a "deep connection": That's all very well to say, but what is he actually doing..? Are you talking about meeting? Is he concerned that he married the wrong person? Or is he just looking for something on the side so early in his M?
Another thing I always wonder about 'deep connections' is... what are they founded on? Is it just that he makes you feel good about yourself (and vice versa), or are they based on something more? Do you share common values, ideas, views about what you want for the future, and so on?
Please keep posting and letting us know what's happening with this.
(in my situation, we are now seeing each other but he is NOT leaving his W for years because of the children. Because HE wants to be with his kids in his own house, that is. And yes we're very much in love and share a deep connection and all that stuff... )
Last edited by Sami_D; 20th November 2005 at 7:18 AM..
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