[rhondajalb]

I don't know what to do. I want to keep my marriage but my husband thinks he doesn't. he has been in and out of an affair for a year and a half with a women from his job and he has been back and forth from her to me he says that he isn't doing anything with her anymore but everytime he calls and says he is going to be late then my mind goes crazy. this last time I told him to make sure that this is what he wants and he assured me that it was. I should have known better I guess. everytime he would come home he would be here all happy for a month then after that he would be ready to leave again. he's that way now but I told him I would not tell him to go nor would I let him. I think that he made that choice two months ago and he needs to stick with it and make this work. as of right now there is no communication between us. what can I do. I feel like I have done everything

[quankanne]

have y'all talked about counselling, or a weekend retreat, stuff geared toward helping your marriage by helping your focus on it without interruptions? Sounds like he's waffling because he doesn't know what he wants, and instead of stying put in one place to figure it out, he thinks wandering between two relationships will give him that answer.

just got this from a priest friend, about a retreat for couples in hurting marriages, www.retrouvaille.org

anything you can do to help him focus on the problem will help ...

good luck ...

[ClassLady]

It sounds like you have done everything you can. The following are my believes (after living thru and observing it with family and friends) that I have come to the conclusion:
You deserve the best in life.
You are a good person and should not allow anyone to treat you badly.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
It takes 2 in a relationship and both partners need to be in it 100%
You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anybody else.
Given all of this, I think the best approach is to not allow any of this negative in your life. Let him know that you love him and want to be together but it has to be exclusive. Then let him go if that is what he wants. But also let him know you are going to get on with your life when he is gone. Also let him know that if he decides to come back you may or maynot be there. Be strong, show him how happy you are without him. It is so ironic how men ( Im sure women too) finally decide what they really want when we let them go and show them we can live without them. My exhusband finally realized but in our case, it was too late. He is regretting it every day of his life now. I wish you luck!