i spent 4 years (without graduating) in college. i hated it. HATED IT. if i could have selective amnesia for those 4 years, i would, it was that bad.
i was afraid to tell my parents, but when i found out i would be there a fifth year (because of bad advising, freaking a-holes) i broke down and told them. i couldn't go back. i would have ended my life, had i been there another year. i didn't tell them that, of course, but i know i never would have made it. i was 22 at that point.
i took a year and i guess a half off.
now i'm 24, i am back in school at a place i love. i love the curriculum, the professors, my classmates, everything. it couldn't be a better experience, really, and as much as i felt like a loser for "quitting", it was worth it.
but here's the thing...my parents pay for it. actually, they pay for everything, from my rent, bills, my books, my car and health and life insurance, everything. my food. my "going out" expenses. they volunteer to do this, it's not my asking. they prefer i focus on my schoolwork and not worry about working for 5 bucks an hour. i could "work" for my father (he owns a big insurance company) but it would be kind of...fake. so to me, it's like, what's the point?
people think this is the life...and i guess to some people, it is. but i think it's making me feel useless. when people ask me how i pay for school, i almost want to lie and say i had grants or something.
as much as i am grateful that they "help" me, i feel like i am just prolonging adulthood. i deal with adult situations everyday (as well as in the past, not everything has been so rosy, but nothing to do with my family.) but not adult situations like normal people have.
i think i just feel like as many aspirations as i have, as far as i want to go (law school, at this point) that i will never get there. maybe it's just self-doubt...because i do know i'll get there...maybe it's the motivation part...
is there anyone is in this position, like the same as me? i know i am fortunate to have these opportunites (and if i am ever in the position to do so, i want to start a scholarship program to pass on the "luckiness" for someone deserving.) but i kind of feel like, am i in school to prolong the so-called easy years? am i a female van wilder? should i just give up and work, even though i don't really know how?
it's just, i see all these people, they have jobs, and families, and mortgages, and i don't know HOW THE F*UCK THEY DO IT! and i think "i never could, never."
is anyone in the same situation as me?
just for the record, i've made a 4.0 since i started back at my new school (as of fall 04.) but i like it, and that makes all the difference.
i guess i just need a word or 3 of encouragement from an adult student who may be (slightly) in my shoes........
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Last edited by RainyDayWoman; 5th September 2005 at 1:52 AM..
I know this isn't exactly the same, but I went back to school after two years off to get my grad degree. I never felt like I was putting off adulthood. Just giving myself the opportunity to make adulthood better.
You'll be able to be an "adult" when you get done. It'll just happen naturally!
I am sorta in the same position except I am 20 years old and still in HIGH SCHOOL! I know some people must think- shes a dumbass but Im sooo glad you dared to ask this question because I relate to you.
I am a 20 yr. old senior and most students graduate at 17-18 and some 19 but not many. I go to an online school to hide my identity and because its much easier and I can work ahead at my own pace. The reason I am in the position I am in because I let my bad childhood get the worse of me. I recently heard this quote a friend sent me from home in my email- " You might have had a bad childhood- but your childhood is over. " Basically I just farted around and started things without finishing them- I needed to seriously grow up or end up like my Father who is 46 and still trying to get his life together. I would always blame others for my crappy life and school wizzed by me in slow to fast motion but it was like I couldn't catch up. It was all like a day dream and when I finally realized it and tried to do something about it everyone had already moced on with their lives. Like you- my Mom is an upcomming Artist- extemely good and I know at the pace she is going she will pay for everything. She still does except I moved from Ohio to Virginia with my Unlce and my Dad isn't far away. My Mom and I got into a huge fight and I left there with hopes of just finishing school in a few months and taking a gap year. I want to take a gap year to scope out scholarships and grants if my grades are high enough so I can score a spot in college overseas in England. I was a youth leader back at home and even though I quit weeks before I left my youth pastor basically put me down and even told me that no one is going to give a 20 yr. old a scholarship- he really hurt me but Im not gonna let his thoughts of me stop me from exceling. Before I left my Mom and I made up and she gave me her blessing and that we really needed this time apart so we could both mature. I think I was stopping my Mom from really excelling in her Artwork because I was such a lazy drag. I just need encouragement and some madddd motivation skills.
Its sooo embarassing to be introduced and then have someone ask you what you are doing in your life and all you can say is that you are still in high school and that you are "almost done" only to have them look at you like your stupid. Or to fill out countless applications but secretly knowing that they won't call you in for an interview because you don't reach therequirements at least w/o a diploma.I have no real acomplishments and getting my high school diploma will be my first one. I can't wait until I get it, it seriously will be one of the best days of my life! What I just really wanted to say was that its ok that you are behind- as long as you get er' done. In Bristol, England- the college I want to go to seems sooo far ahead of me and unreal- I don't want to dream about it anymore- and I deffinatly don't want to let my family down but if I want it badly enough I will push through anything to get to it no matter who says what- why should it matter what everyone else thinks? This is YOUR life, and YOUR decisions- its gonna be alright and when you finish you will be glad you did. Im not surprised that people look at me strange when they realize Im still a senior- but they will look at me in amazement once I overcome this thing and make something of my life.
This too shall pass! Keep going girl!
that's great RDW, remember you are still a kid even tho you may not think so...
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but here's the thing...my parents pay for it. actually, they pay for everything, from my rent, bills, my books, my car and health and life insurance, everything. my food. my "going out" expenses. they volunteer to do this, it's not my asking. they prefer i focus on my schoolwork and not worry about working for 5 bucks an hour.
you come from a priviledged background, such as I did...enjoy it and don't feel guilty. you are in a great situation that few have...just don't flaunt it and try to be modest. i still know people who are 40 yrs old and still paying off their school loans from 15 yrs ago...
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when people ask me how i pay for school, i almost want to lie and say i had grants or something.
your personal finances are not other peoples business and you should tell them it is private...
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as much as i am grateful that they "help" me, i feel like i am just prolonging adulthood.
you are incorrect in this respect, "adulthood" does not really start until your 30s. most people my age (40) don't take anyone in their 20s seriously
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just for the record, i've made a 4.0 since i started back at my new school (as of fall 04.) but i like it, and that makes all the difference.
you will find later in life RDW that your education and ability to learn is the second most impt factor in your life because everything starts from this. Your health is #1 and then your brain is #2. your education will set u apart and go with you for life
I was talking with a guy who is entering med school and they made everyone going in to that program sign an agreement that they WOULD NOT work, but would devote 100% to the program - that is a requirement. I know you're not in med school but pre-law, law school is grueling also, I'm sure. You'll need to maintain that high grade point average.
Maybe if you start looking for work in your field of choice you'll feel less worthless. It'll make it easier to find a job later. Law schools like work experience as well.
i think i was just feeling down about it that day. i have some days like that, where i'm just like "aaauuughhh, will i ever get anywhere? what the hell am i doing?"
i know for some people, 24 is still just a kid...but i really don't like being thought of like that. i don't want to be some dried-up miserly old person either. but i do think the reason i do so well now is because i'm not that confused 18-year-old who went away to school not ever really considering my options. i applied, i got accepted, i went, and i hated it, so i didn't care about it. i think its that experience as a "kid" that made this experience very different.
and there are adults in college (like 30 or 40, as someone said, and even some 60's and 70's) and i think that's great and extremely respectable.
but the difference between them and myself is that they probably had a reason they never went or stopped going in the first place. maybe they had kids, maybe they went into thr army, etc.
me? i just hated it the first time and quit.
so while it seems so great and yahoooo for them to be in school at that age, for me, i feel like....."i'm still here. i'm just still here."
i don't know. most of the time i am okay with myself. it's just once in a while that i get frustrated.
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Or to fill out countless applications but secretly knowing that they won't call you in for an interview because you don't reach therequirements at least w/o a diploma.I have no real acomplishments and getting my high school diploma will be my first one. I can't wait until I get it, it seriously will be one of the best days of my life! What I just really wanted to say was that its ok that you are behind- as long as you get er' done. In Bristol, England- the college I want to go to seems sooo far ahead of me and unreal- I don't want to dream about it anymore- and I deffinatly don't want to let my family down but if I want it badly enough I will push through anything to get to it no matter who says what- why should it matter what everyone else thinks? This is YOUR life, and YOUR decisions- its gonna be alright and when you finish you will be glad you did. Im not surprised that people look at me strange when they realize Im still a senior- but they will look at me in amazement once I overcome this thing and make something of my life.
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