My first GF of 8months left me 2 days ago by email and ever since I've had this horrible sick feeling of anxiety in my gut, its killed my appetite and I managed to loose half a stone of weight since she told me (i didn't want to loose any!). I'd always thought she was the perfect person for me - and I really cant imagine meeting anyone else that i'll like as much, and I dont see how I'm going to forget this girl. She says she only loves me as a friend and nothing more, and was basically "trialling" it with me because she though it'd get better, but our relationship was always awkward, i couldnt be myself. I thought that was something that would go with time - but she outta the blue dumped me and said she doesnt want to get back together. I understand that if she's not happy, she doesnt want to be with me, but i just have that feeling that she's making a mistake and that we make the perfect couple, if we get past our differences.
In a couple days I'm travelling to a friends to stay with them for a week - to keep me away from it all and away from contact with her or anyone that reminds me of her. In my mind, I still hope she'll change her mind and come back to me, but she says she wont.
Any advice?
And do you think that week of No Contact will make her change her mind?
really there is nothing you can do......... if it is over it is over....... you can't make somebody love you and really would you want to be with someone who isn't giving you what you are giving them. all you can do as just deal with the pain and slowly but surely try to live your life until your ready to move on into another relationship.
NC is always good so stick with that and just keep yourself busy.
dang she broke it off via e-mail that sucks.........
Yeh, i know, 3 days before my last uni exam as well.
Trouble is, she still (genuinly) wants to be friends, because we were really good friends before we started going out - i dont know if i can cope with it, keeping a good friend over trying to get over her, its a difficult decision.
this is just me here but for now if you can't handle it then don't be friends
you have enough to deal with to be worried about still being friends with her so just tell her as of now u can't do being friends maybe later on when you have healed some it can be possible but for right now u can't ........if she really cares about you she will understand that she is asking alot of you right now
Well, part of my problem is that I dont really have anything to do all day - just finished the uni year so i'm going to be stuck at home doing nothing, so there's nothing to take my mind off of it, maybe its the same for you, i dunno. I'm gonna try getting a job, should kill most of the hours in the day, and hopefully, meeting new people will help me to move on (dont rly have friends) and maybe find other girls, its times like these i wish i had special convincing mind powers though! or that i'd never had met her in the first place.
I guess the reality is, you meet the person you think you love usually after not so many girls, i mean there must be like 1 right girl in every 2 kilometres squared of city for us waiting, but as shes my first love i dont know if i can ever love as much as i loved her.
I just went through the same thing. Except my ex tells me Im wonderful and she loves me but she needs to move on right now.
Its been about a month and half for me and I think about her constantly. I dont get as upset as I used to but its still killing me. Youve got to find atleast 1 thing to hang on to. For me, it became exercise. I jog 5x a week and try to work out in some way every day. When I do it allows me to clear my mind and not think about anything. Youve got to find what does that for you.
I know its rough and supposedly time makes it easier. Time aint really making it easier for me but everyone is different.
Originally posted by brokenheart_ihave
My first GF of 8months left me 2 days ago by email and ever since I've had this horrible sick feeling of anxiety in my gut, its killed my appetite and I managed to loose half a stone of weight since she told me (i didn't want to loose any!). I'd always thought she was the perfect person for me - and I really cant imagine meeting anyone else that i'll like as much, and I dont see how I'm going to forget this girl. She says she only loves me as a friend and nothing more, and was basically "trialling" it with me because she though it'd get better, but our relationship was always awkward, i couldnt be myself. I thought that was something that would go with time - but she outta the blue dumped me and said she doesnt want to get back together. I understand that if she's not happy, she doesnt want to be with me, but i just have that feeling that she's making a mistake and that we make the perfect couple, if we get past our differences.
In a couple days I'm travelling to a friends to stay with them for a week - to keep me away from it all and away from contact with her or anyone that reminds me of her. In my mind, I still hope she'll change her mind and come back to me, but she says she wont.
Any advice?
And do you think that week of No Contact will make her change her mind?
Thanks for any help/opinion/advice
Sounds just like how my relationship ended.
My advice is to go into Limited Contact (don't initiate any calls or emails, let her do that.0
In the meantime, read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A Glover and read the link to "Love Must Be Tough" in my signature. I bet you'll find a lot of things you did wrong to push her away like that.
Did the same thing to my ex. If I only knew then what I know now....
Thanks, read through your link, and it is very true.
Thing I dont understand is, if they'd just let us know these problems, then let us try again now that we know how to properly act in a relationship, it could be oh-so-sweeter. I guess people argue that this stuff should come naturally, but from what I've seen, this stuff doesnt come naturally, only from bad experiences with people and then the next time they know how to act so it just seems natural.
Geeze, I can see why they used to have organised marriages in the past!
Originally posted by brokenheart_ihave
Thanks, read through your link, and it is very true.
My next suggestion is to buy and read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A Glover. It will give you even more in-site into your behavior and how to resolve any problems you have personally.
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Thing I dont understand is, if they'd just let us know these problems, then let us try again now that we know how to properly act in a relationship, it could be oh-so-sweeter.
It's not her job to fix you. My ex has a LOT of communication problems. The thing is, people who do not communicate will continue to have relationship problems until they learn how to. It's not something they can fix overnight and in some cases, it's the problem that contributed most to the demise of the relationship. The thing you need to do is figure out what areas you can improve upon (read the book!) and work on yourself. You can not fix her and trying to "rescue" her will only make her bitter.
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I guess people argue that this stuff should come naturally, but from what I've seen, this stuff doesnt come naturally, only from bad experiences with people and then the next time they know how to act so it just seems natural.
With every failed relationship you learn something new, become wiser and it sets you up for a better relationship the next time around. As hard as it is to believe now (and even I have a hard time believing it), you will find someone better for you.
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Geeze, I can see why they used to have organised marriages in the past!
Yep and I am sure they weren't very happy ones either The penalty for divorce or infidelity back then was death....
Hell yeah, I just gotta move on and find new people to fall in love with.
I gotta admit, I've still not got it out of my head that maybe in a couple years she might want to get back with me, if we both go through a few relationships and change, maybe realise how much we meant to each other, maybe not - i guess waiting round is the stupid thing to do. If she comes back to me, and I'm in a relationship, I can decide then who I want more, not like if the chance came I couldnt just dump who i'm with if my ex came back and I still had those feelings for her.
Does nobody have any good advice for getting rid of the sickness feeling though? I keep going round my house, trying to busy myself with anything but the interest only lasts a couple minutes!
Originally posted by brokenheart_ihave
Does nobody have any good advice for getting rid of the sickness feeling though? I keep going round my house, trying to busy myself with anything but the interest only lasts a couple minutes!
Unless you have some sort of cryogenic chamber that will allow you to hibernate for the next 5 months, there is no cure to the sickness. You are love sick and it's a common thing. Time is the only thing that will cure that. A beer or two will help, if you're into that sort of thing, but don't get wasted or you'll feel worse and still be love sick which is twice as bad. Love sickness it seems is closely related to anxiety, so exercise will help too.
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The penalty for divorce or infidelity back then was death....
and still be love sick which is twice as bad. Love sickness it seems is closely related to anxiety, so exercise will help too.
Hybrid Mode
