[LostInTortola]

Not sure where to begin. Bare with me I know its long.

I have been seeing this great woman (I'll call her Sandy) for the last couple of few months. We actually dated for a month or so over the holidays before becoming "just friends". Sandy and I share a mutual acquaintance so we ran into each other fairly regularly and of course she became privy to my goings on (not a problem at all). We actually did became good friends. After a disastrous Valentine's Day experiment with a coworker (call her Jill) that pretty much left me crushed Sandy and I picked it up again.

Things seemed so much better this time around. Being more knowledgeable about each other just seemed to make things flow so much better and before we knew it we were pretty much head over heals for each other. I mean serious thinkings on both parts a long term relationship. The one "minor" hick-up was the coworker Jill. I work in a small office and Sandy didn't really appreciate Jill very much, never mind they had never met! She told me she just couldn't deal with people that treated me so badly. I admit Jill was quite harsh with me but I'm a forgive and forget kind of person so I simply moved on and kept things professional. It didn't hurt I was seeing someone as special as Sandy!! Anyway any time work was mentioned Sandy would ask "how's that Bit&^ doing, hows that c78t doing...you get the picture. Sandy never asked me to do anything just made caustic comments. It got to be quite annoying, to the point where it sort of rubbed off and I found myself being a complete a-hole at work. Anyway we had a very open discussion one night and I finally got Sandy to understand my position and Jill while not someone I was at all interested was not the kind of person Sandy thought she was. That seemed to be the end of the story..until this week. Don't get me wrong,

I was asked by another coworker (NOT JILL) if Sandy and I would like to go to see her perform at a comedy show. Sounded like fun so I asked Sandy if she would like to go. What I got was a long convoluted "No I just don't want to deal/meet with your coworkers, especially Jill" response. Rather than make an issue of it I let it go. Today Sandy send s me an email basically breaking up with me saying she can't deal with the one aspect of my past (a stupid crush I had on Jill) and that she loves me but just can't seem to get over this one issue. It was very "final" and made it clear there was no room for working things out. It even had the "its not you its me line" I don't know how to describe how I feel. I am lost, dumbfounded, upset, crushed the list goes on.

I really want to try and save our relationship. Sandy and I are great together and I don't recall ever being happier with someone but if we can't get through a basic issue like a previous crush then I wonder how we will get through something much bigger down the road. Sorry about the length but if anyone has any insight or advice it would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[outdated]

This girl Sandy sounds like she has a lot of issues she has to work out herself. Sounds like jealousy and fear of abandonment. Let her go, at least for a while. You don't want to be living in that shadow, do you?

[LostInTortola]

What I'm confused about is why something so small became so big. Our recent conversation, like all, went really well. I was expecting a difficult conversation but instead got a very open and agreeable one. That kind of thing really describes our relationship - very open and honest. Even last night's conversation went pretty well. The email today caught me completely off-guard. I really do feel that we can get through this. Sandy's traveling right now so I can only that when she returns this weekend she'll want to talk. Thanks.