My story is different, my husband went on holiday alone to Malaysia last October 2004. When I call him his voice changed, he did not want to talk to me, I knew something was not right, he either cut my off his mobile or said very little.
I asked him where he was staying, he told me he was staying with a friend.
On his return back home, he did not call me from the Airport, like he normally did. On his return, the 1st thing he said to me was “Do you know where I have been?”….”I went to see a fortune teller, while in Malaysia, the fortune teller asked me if I wanted to know about my wife, and the fortune teller said that you wife is having an affair”.
I laugh and said “this is news to me“, Of course I am not having an affair.
He said he “went to see 3 fortune teller, they all said the same thing“.
I told him it must have been the way you asked them.
We argued amongst every night, on the same topic. Also throw things at each other. For two week he slept in the spare bedroom. He did not even wanted to look at me. Eventually he believed me.
Some days he would come home and start it again, I just had a instinct, that another women is involve. I checked his mobile phones. Rang a few women’s number without any luck.
He then persuaded me to let him go again, because he had to see this fortune teller again. At first I refused, but he booked his tickets anyway, went to Malaysia end of January 05. This time he was going to take the video-camera with him.
The same happened again, I asked him where he was staying, he told me he was staying with a friend.
when I call him his voice changed, he did not want to talk to me at all. On the 1st day of his trip there, I asked him who are you with, he passed the mobile to another person and said “here talked to my wife“, I thought he might give the mobile to another customer, to my amazement a women answer the phone, “Hello, who are you” I asked her, She said “his friend”.
I must have called him every hour, his tone of voice got worst, “he told me to go to hell, he said “I don’t want you any more. Bla…bla….bla.
I just knew she was the other woman, he was having an affair with her. I all started in April 04, when he was there the 1st time.
I told this women “he loves me and he will not leave me, she said that was before I came in the picture“
I told her “We have been having sex every day since October“…I could hear her asking him, “you and her, been having sex every day since October“.
he said loudly …….“Tell her to go to hell!
Tell that ****ing bitch she is lying,
I never even touch her…”?
He took the telephone off her and told me “ Maybe I was having sex with you but thinking it was R”.
That went on for 2 weeks.
Now he is back, he said he never had an affair with ”R”,she is 13 years his junior.
But “R” change her mobile number and her home telephone number, she sent him 3 text messages-
pls don’t cal me any more. Enough is enough don’t bother 2 find me anymore u wont get me, let me live my own life, anyway I got nothing left 4 u! Only dissapointment bye
between us, its over pls don’t cal me anymore. I want 2 lead my life as per normal with my kids. at least u do it 4 my kids! If u doest want 2 be happy that’s ur problem but I want ! I already make my decision. So pls don’t waste ur time! Im leaving u 4 gd! Bye n take care!
No pls don’t bother 2 explain im no longer interested U really have shown me how much u love me!
He has now also changed his mobile number. I am so confused, did he or didn’t he.
I found hotel bills, for all his trips, when he said he was staying with friends. One bill had number of persons - 2. Checked in as mr& mrs. He was accusing me of having an affair to justify his affair.
Until today he is saying he never had an affair with “R”.
But I am no fool. Just can’t forgive him.
Every time I asked him about “R” he bring out the fortune tellers, stories about me.
From what you have described, Yes, it very much sounds like he had an affair, then accused you of having one to cover up his guilt.
I don't quite understand the fortune teller stuff tho, that is crap.
Have you decided what you want to do? Are you going to stay or leave?
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He's self projecting onto you to justify his actions to make himself feel better. What an ass. You poor thing. I really do feel for you. After 28 years together, have things been going badly, or is he just a bastard???
regardless of the obvious affair, he sounds like an absolute lunatic.
get out now. tell him to go back to malaysia and then be gone by the time he gets back. don't even tell him where you are. he can ask his fortune teller to indicate your whereabouts.
good luck, honey. this sucks, but you know it sucks more to be with him. he's a nutjob and a half.
On return home, I over heard a mobile conversation with him to "R" saying....I'm living in the same house as her but we are in different rooms.
I was lying.
KKK
Usually when someone is steadily accusing you of cheating, it's usually them that doing the cheating. And they're trying to find some way to justify them doing it. Whatever decision you decide to make, do what's best for you. Because he , obviously, doesn't care and has no respect for you at all.
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UPDATE
Can not forget or forgive, he is still denying it all. He says "he loves me and only me". I believe him that he does love me, had a bit on the side and got caught out.
"R" has spoken to me over the phone on 3 occasions for an hour at a time, the phone calls were one by me ( I found her telephone number on our phone bills, he rang her before he went to Malaysia in October). She rang me twice. She emailed me one - a 4 pages long email, must have taken her a month, to prepare.
On this email she called him - a liar - a actor - a sisi.
here is parts of it -----
-------------------------------------------------
email from "R"
u want 2 know the truth right, the truth is ur husband has fallen
in love with me n after i know ur true colour, i started 2like him.
the day he confess his luv 2wards me u
already a loser, u tell my ex i try 2 break ur marriage, hey woman before i
came into his life ur marriage has already been empty, ask him that. u are
still in denial state i feel sorry 4 u.
so will still hang on 2 him even u know he luvs me.
u still dream that he luvs u, he putting up a show
he a good actor wake up woman! wake up.
that thats why he fall 4 me! he afraid of u not he luvs u.
but u can never stop him from loving me.
--------------------------------
I am so so confuse, he is saying, she is lying. I told him that I will play at the same game, but I don't think I could. I am pretty, I am intelligent (I think), tall.
From the great movie Moonstruck......SNAP OUT OF IT!
Why are you playing these games with her and him? It's just a way for them to continue contact "I only called her to chew her out about calling you" blah blah blah. Maybe he gets off on two chicks fighting over him - stop fighting over him.
It's pretty obvious that your man cheated in some way with this chick. That's issue 1. And that is more than enough for any couple to deal with. I only read parts of original post - but that bull**** bout fortune tellers was lame, as was his return trip to seek them out again. Sorry if this is mean - but she is illiterate (from the email from her you posted)an he is just plain stupid if that is the best excuse he could come up with.
But why are you allowing this to continue? Why are you allowing this woman to contact you? Why are you allowing him to contact her?
It is HIS responsibility to cut off ALL contact to and from her - until then, you should have nothing to say to either of them. Don't answer her calls, don't acknowlege any emails. She's on the other side of the world for god's sake (tho I didn't look to see where you are located) - it's not that tough to do. Change phone numbers, be unlisted, change your email address, etc. If he really wants her outta his life totally, he will do it. If he doesn't do it - that should be your 'writing on the wall". Right now, he's got everything - you still and her fighting to keep him. Stop makin it so damn easy for him to keep this up.
He came back to your house - he didn't stay there with her. I say if he wants to stay there with you, she can't invade your lives - non negotiable. Then you'll have to see if you can work through issue #1 - the infidelity. But you can't do that until/unless she's totally outta the picture.
stop buying into the games of the other two people in this messy triangle. step back. and i agree with other people who have replied. he accused you of cheating to offload his own guilt.
get some professional advice. marriage counseling, legal advice, and if not marriage counseling, advice just for you.
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Husband had affair after 28 year of marriage
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