So, Ive been dating someone for 2 months now. When were together, we get along great, we're both very affectionate, dont aruge, have lots in common and the physical relationship is great too. She really seems to like me when we're together.
The problem is that when we're not together, we dont talk much at all. She rarely calls out of the blue just to talk and it usually takes her over a day to return calls, and doesnt always call when she says she will. There was another instance this weekend. She had an issue she was dealing with on Sat morning and I asked her to call me afterwards so I could see how it was going. She didnt call. I called her today to check up on things and asked her to get together tonight. I specifically asked her to call me to let me know...didnt hear back today either.
Am I being unreasonable? Feel free to tell me if I am. I guess for me, I feel that if she liked me as much as it seems, shed be better about returning calls and be calling me more often. Im starting to think that maybe shes just this way and I may have to just accept that shes not good with the phone calls.
I guess its more difficult because Im not not exactly sure where I stand with this woman.
I agree. If she liked you that much, she'd make it a point to call you back as soon as possible. Have you ever mentioned it to her? I dated a guy who HATED talking on the phone, but he always made it a point to call at least once or twice a day when we didn't see each other just to chat. Even if only for a few minutes.
I havent talked to her about it yet, but Im starting to think its not me and shes just not a phone person. The next time we talk Im going to bring it up though. Im going to start by finding out why she didnt return my calls this weekend and go from there.
Forgot to ask too....if I don't hear back today, should I call her tonight to find out what's going on, or wait for her to call me? I'm going to feel like kind of a push over if I call her, but I kind of want to get this settled. Ive gotten advice leaning both ways from friends.
I guess its more difficult because Im not not exactly sure where I stand with this woman.
as per your other post.
I think it may becoming clear where you DO stand with this woman.
If she really likes you she wouldn't be so vague when you want to talk about your relationship & she would most certainly be returning your calls.
You're still early on in this & if she doesn't feel the need to talk to you often & doesn't return your calls promptly then I'm sorry, but these aren't very good signs.
__________________ ~~~ I'm not young enough to know everything.
Unfortunately, thats what I was thinking too. I was hoping she just wasnt much of a phone person, but Im starting to think theres more to it. Shes also had some pretty serious family issues and some job issues going on too which I need to take into account. I guess theres only one way to find out though.... Im gonna do something totally bizarre and just ask her about it . Im sick of wondering.
ps123, I just went through the same thing. We had a great time together every time we were out, and in the beginning we couldn't stop talking on the phone. Eventually, a combination of her hectic schedule (which I won't bother to go into here) and a loss of interest resulted in just about no calls. I would call and receive no replies.
Brother, it aches because, we want to be "the man" who is needed in rescuing the "damsel in distress." What I finally did, and what many recommend, is that you ask her, in a candid and friendly way where you stand. Doing this makes you feel as if you were in a weakened position because it makes lets her know you are unsure. Who cares--it stings a lot less than you would expect? You need to know and that is all that matters. In my case, she really appreciated it that I asked because, she did not realize I was confused. Simple as that. And you know what, she said she is going through a rough time right now, but added that I should call her should I need anything!
Originally posted by ps123 So, Ive been dating someone for 2 months now. When were together, we get along great, we're both very affectionate, dont aruge, have lots in common and the physical relationship is great too. She really seems to like me when we're together.
Yep. Same here.
Quote:
Originally posted by ps123 The problem is that when we're not together, we dont talk much at all. She rarely calls out of the blue just to talk and it usually takes her over a day to return calls, and doesnt always call when she says she will.
Yep. Same again. He was quite full-on in the beginning but doesn't seem to be anymore. Maybe because he 'got me' he feels he doesn't need to try anymore. Maybe he's losing interest, I really don't know. But then again, I told him 2 weeks ago, when we met for lunch, that I would call him the next week....and I didn't - mainly because I was freaking out about the situation a bit and I probably assumed it wouldn't matter to him if I didn't.
I'm starting to freak out at how similar our situations are ! Actually, I'm quite amazed that 2 complete strangers can have almost carbon copy situations at the same time (I think I can here the X-Files theme playing in the background)
In the beginning, he was doing nearly ALL of the calling/chasing. Then he backed off a bit. I thought it was maybe because he wanted to see if I was as interested. So I started calling and organising things. We generally talk for 45mins to 1hr on the phone. Lately, he hasn't initiated contact once. I've called him or messaged him about 3 times over the last 3 weeks. He's always happy to hear from me, but is he just being polite? I felt I was almost getting the brush-off the other night when I texted him, but when I told him I would call him sometime soon, he was really happy...huh? What's that about??
I can't help but wonder if I hadn't contacted him at all recently, would I have heard anything from him? But a workmate of his also told me that they think he's been a bit down in the dumps lately (I know he has a big issue he's trying to deal with). Maybe that's why he hasn't called?? But then again, we're not a couple, we're not exclusive. I've never done the 'non-exclusive' thing before and I'm finding it very difficult and confusing, especially considering that he frequently pays me compliments, in a way that someone who's 'just a friend' wouldn't.
Some people just don't like telephones. While her behavior may seem rude and inconsiderate, it's rather typical and it has served to keep your interest. As long as things go along well while the two of you are together, take the focus away from telephones. I hate the things myself, although I do try to return most calls. Some people don't. Talk to her about it and see what her issues are.
__________________
Tony
"If there is anything Godlike about God it is that He dared to imagine everything." - Henry Miller , American novelist
I myself hate talking on the phone for more than a few minutes.....some ppl love talking for hours on there...
I think she is not a Phone Person . * But * if your relationship is suffering in other areas I would worry that maybe that other person is trying to break from you slowly...
WELL this is new. Women who do not like talking on the phone. Sure man, whatever. You should bring up this reason with her, tell her that you like getting calls once in awhile from her. If she whines about or the behavior continues with her never calling you having to call her all the time. Just stop calling altogether and perhaps secretly look for other women. Remember it's about your heart that comes first, and not hers.
when we were together, it was great. She was very physically atrracted to me, she would laugh a lot and have a good time, and tried to keep me out as late as possible. She was not very attractive at all, but I enjoyed her company.
But she'd never return calls. I called once and would not call her again until she either emailed or called me. She would set up another date, we'd hook up, and then this would repeat. We'd go 2 weeks before seeing each other.
I finally had enough of it and told her I was no longer going to call her, she had to contact me. This upset her. I told her I wouldn't continue to see her unless she made more of an effort to contact me. She swore she would, but it never changed. I broke it off.
It's a shame, really.
People who don't return phone calls or emails are simply selfish and are not good partners, period.
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. Im sick of wondering.
! Actually, I'm quite amazed that 2 complete strangers can have almost carbon copy situations at the same time (I think I can here the X-Files theme playing in the background) 
Hybrid Mode
