[suzeze]

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Hello,

I'm new here and I need a bit of guidance please.

My LDR has lasted 2 years and in that time, we've spent a lot of time together. We've also managed to live together for a few months. Unfortunately, we had difficulty obtaining work permits so had to go back to our own countries.

His last message to me was 4 weeks ago. In that message he told me he loved, missed and wanted to be with me. I've written to him but no reply which is unusual. Once before it took 3 weeks but that was because a member of his family had an accident.

I can't phone him because in his country, they don't have home phones. To use a computer, he has to travel to a city so it isn't as easy as it is for me.

I'd be very surprised if he would just end it this way especially as I agreed to marry him. Should I be thinking it's over or just wait?

Thank you for any advice you may give.

Suzeze.

[Pyrannaste]

Where are both of you from?

Can you write him by snail mail?
Do you have any common friends who are still in touch with him?

[sportsloving]

Your situation hit close to home with me. I am in the same situation, although it has been a week since I last heard anything (I am used to talking to him everyday, sometimes three or four times). Again his last words were I love you and miss you.

I have the same questions you do: should I wait it out or is it over and I just don't know it yet?

I also have a great friend who keeps me in check with it all. She reminded me that most relationships go through their rough times, and we never really realize what another is going through. Perhaps they just need some time to deal with some things on their own, and all we can do is be supportive and show our love through it all.

So this is how I view the situation, as in my own. I consider it a bump in the road for now ... and it isn't over until he tells me he doesn't want me in his life.

I have faith in love ... and I have faith in him. It is hard to sit and be patient, but sometimes the best things in life are those that are hardest to wait for . I do wish you tons of luck and hope he contacts you soon. In the mean time, take care of yourself, and if you need a shoulder, we are here for you

[suzeze]

Thank you Pyrannaste and Sportsloving, I appreciate it.

In answer to your question Pyrannaste - I live in the UK and he lives in North Africa. I haven't met any of his friends and he hasn't met any of mine. He's met my daughter and son-in-law though.

Thank you Sportsloving. On the few occasions I've mentioned what would he do if he changed his mind. Firstly he said he would never change it but when pushed, he said he would tell me. I think I will take a chapter from your book and go on until I hear from him and not think of it being over until he tells me. Your advice has really helped me - thanks again.

I hope you hear from your SO very soon.

[sportsloving]

You are most welcome, and I am glad it helped.

I know it is tough ... but if I think about my S/O and the past two years and things ... I know this wouldn't be his way of ending things. We have had our share of arguements or "thinking this just isn't working" and never once in all that time has he ever been afraid to tell me "it's over". (But each time, thank god, we have been able to work through the issues and gotten back together; I think in three years we have tried to break up three times due to distance or some silly thing). I think LDR's are extremely trying and hard relationships, so when you lose the contact, you feel as if you are drifting in space.

No one on this board knows your S/O like you do, so if you honestly know that this isn't his style for ending a relationship, just try to keep in mind that there may be a great many things going on that you just don't know about. And hopefully they are worked out and he contacts you soon

So keep the faith and I hope it all works out

[moimeme]

when you lose the contact, you feel as if you are drifting in space.

This is so true, because to us, 'contact' means 'connection' and, when we're not connecting, we fear we've been forgotten. It takes a lot of faith to believe that the person you care about continues to care about you; that you remain in that person's thoughts even if you're not being contacted.

However, I know I have been guilty in the past of not staying in touch with people just because it can be inconvenient. Doesn't mean that I've forgotten them at all but I realize they don't know that. I'm trying to be better about letting folks know I'm thinking about them, as well as to realize, because I've been told, that people actually do think about me even when we're not in direct contact

[suzeze]

Another thank you for the good advice. I have now printed your replies and when I get doubts, I will look at it and it will make me feel better.

I'm so glad I found this site.

Thank you!