Is it common for partners to rate the importance of marriage differently?
I'm not talking here about the roles in marriage, or the expectations and so on. It is important obviously that there is agreement on such things, along with common goals, values, views on kids and parenthood, finances and so on.
My guy and I have all that stuff worked out. We've talked about it all a lot. But we realised on the weekend, that we actually rate the importance of marriage itself differently.
I view it as highly important, as representing the highest committment possible, and also telling the world that you are a husband and wife team. As per a recent discussion we had on here, I even have certain images associated with the word 'wife'.
My guy views marriage as good, and would rather marry than not. He likes the idea of the traditions and so on, however has said that if I was the non-marrying kind, he would be happy with not getting married.
Do you think it normally matters more to the woman? Or is this just one of those things where the meaning and importance of marriage differs between individuals? For example, while I see marriage as this next step forward, my guy already feels he is committed to me 100%. Marriage will be the icing on the cake one day...but it is not essential for him. Now if HE were the non-marrying kind, I believe it would bother me. But I too am already committed 100%.
I don't think it's gender-based. It's individual ideas. We had a thread on getting the 'piece of paper' not long ago and, as for everything else, there was a wide variety of opinions.
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I just don't understand how, in 21st century America, anyone could view marriage as the ultimate commitment.
I'd want a relationship in which you never wanted to terminate the relationship--not one in which you're trapped by a piece of paper. Consider yourself lucky to have someone who values the commitment of marriage, without stressing the semantics of something our society's thoroughly trounced upon.
I think it's fairly common and may have more to do with upbringing than gender. Most girls are socialised to expect marriage. It's never been that important to me but I had a rather odd childhood and many of the couples I knew were unmarried.
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Last edited by meanon; 18th April 2004 at 9:24 PM..
Reason: To add PS
well me and my bf find marriage very important. We see it as a way of coming together to achieve the same goal, to have a family. and it is the ultimate commitment because if it wasn't, people wouldn't be so afraid to commit to one another.
i think it is common for partners to rate the importance of marriage differenlty because no two people look at marriage the same way. however I do think people that have a weaker view on marriage are more likely to end in divorce because i don't think they will try as hard to protect their marriage.
their are way too many divorces and too many break ups that involve children, both people need to be very commited in working and keeping the marriage together
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