[Dalle]

Hmm....not entirely sure that this is the best thing I could really do here, but all of my friends are just giving me the usual generic friend advice and it's really annoying me now, so.. here's the story.

I met a girl last year. We got on so well that we decided to keep in contact, even though we lived in different parts of the County. We talked a lot, sometimes into the early hours and then, after a few weeks, she told me she was really attracted to two people - myself and another guy. I was flattered but disappointed that she'd been sharing things with somebody else too. I was apparently set to play the role of the 'bit on the side', the one she'd visit for sex every so often because the impression she'd got of me was that that was the kind of person I was. When I said i'd rather just be her friend than play that role, she quickly forgot this other person and we started seeing one another.

On top of all of this, she'd always made it clear that she didn't want a serious relationship. But then, within a month of two she told me she loved me. Mere days after this she told me we needed to take a break. I'd taken her saying that as the red light to move a little closer, but she apparently felt she should be allowed to say that and still have something non-exclusive with me. So we did just that, although grudgingly on my part. Then Boxing Day 2003 she told me she'd met somebody else and wanted for us to be friends. Well, hmm....how was I supposed to take that? To cut this nonsense short, I said no. I can't be your friend after you've done this.

So, she messed that up quickly enough and since then we've been seeing one another again on and off up until about 3 weeks ago.

I'm genuinely in love with this girl, and I love her to death. She often tells me out of the blue that she loves me too. And since we've not been speaking, she's sent me text messages asking if i was outside some bar in our town centre and then we got into the whole 'i miss yous' but i decided we had to keep contact to nought until she knew what was happening. Well, last week, we started talking again, and i'd call her or she'd call me and we'd talk for an hour or so each night, and although it was costing me a lot, it was just nice to hear her voice again after so long. Well, apparently, she misses me all the time; she 'can't stop thinking about hugging me and feeling our skin touching and holding my hand', and she loves me but says she isn't IN love with me and is waiting for 'the one'. How can somebody who apparently loves me and misses everything about me, not see that what she's looking for is right here in front of her? We fight sometimes, and we're both very volatile, but we can't keep away from one another, and we have difficulty being friends because we end up just drifting back together. I crave her company so much, and I love everything about her. We keep doing this - talking again, almost drifting back together, and she tells me now that she's waiting for the one, because she's a self-confessed commitment-phobe. The 'one' is here and he's very confused that she can't see that. And also very hurt. What the hell is up with her? And more importantly, what should I do?

[moimeme]

She doesn't know her own mind, and unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. She seems to have an image of what 'the one' is. Oddly, it does not seem to include all the things about your relationship which a person would normally want to have.

We can't change others' minds.