Dyer, I love your new advatar Occassionally we run out of things to talk about. We'll just sit there in stupid silence. but we live together so we get to talk about everything ALL the time. And then other times, we just talk and talk. SO yes, I think occassionally, youll have nothing to say to eachother, its normal. But it shouldnt be something that happens a lot or all the time.
__________________
"But Daddy I want an oompaloompa NOW!"
"Thats just my opinion though, I could be wrong"
"Its better to be pissed off, than it is to be pissed ON"
As soon as anyone at the meeting starts to tear my argument apart, I'll remember to give myself a quick rub then stand up and smell my fingers whilst responding to my opponent calmly and with poise.
One of the nicest thing in any relationship - especially marriage - is when you get to the point where being together in silence feels comfortable.
Amen to that!
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
In addition to that, each day brings about it's own conversation. You may not be exchanging as much 'about you personally'....but more about what you watched on tv, what's going on at work or mutual friends, events in the family, eventually your own children, etc.
I think at first it seems like there's sooooo much to say to each other! And that's exciting!
That's part of being passionately in love.
Of course, the passion has to calm down after a certain point or you'd be exhausted!
It's a little nerve-wracking I think, when you first feel that 'die down' and suddenly, you're out of jokes and witty things to say. In fact, gosh...you can't really think of anything to say!
For me, that stage is just awful.
I think it's because I haven't really been in too many long term relationships so I wasn't sure if it was the beginning of the 'end' or not!
What happened is that I learned to feel comfortable with our quiet times. I trust that he doesn't think I'm boring....he knows that I'm just puttering around doing my own thing as he does his thing.
In fact. once I got over the fact that we weren't ALWAYS going to have oodles to say to each other, once I stopped worrying about it, it seemed I had more to say!
It's just part of getting comfortable.
If you're not comfortable and if you feel lonely in your relationship, then some sort of communication breakdown has occurred.
You should talk about it with your SO. Chances are, they've noticed it too and are scared to bring it up.
I had one partner who felt he had to 'entertain' me. He never wanted to go for a walk and just be peaceful together; he always felt the need to keep up a conversation, no matter how often I told him I really didn't require 'entertainment' all the time! Lord knows I love to yak, but companionable silence can be very nice, too.
My man and I have been together 11 years, and there has never been a lack of conversation. We can be in a room full of people together and ignore all others because we would rather talk to each other. We have these inside running jokes we constantly make about kung fu movies and favorite South Park episodes. No one but us understands and they think we're quite odd.
We talk about daily life, world religions, politics, history, science, psychology, pop culture . . . it goes on and on. Occasionally we will quiet down while we're watching TV, but not very often. Usually we have to tape whatever we want to see so that we can pause it in the middle and discuss it. Or mock the looks of whatever actor is on the screen. We play "The Baby Game" very often. You know, look at someone on TV and say (for example), "Damn! They look like John Goodman and Gene Wilder had a baby!"
We are both a little ADHD, so perhaps this is more a function of our personalities. I dunno though. I tend to become bored if I'm in a conversation with anyone but him. If it's a *really* interesting person, I might be entertained for a half hour or so. But I have never become bored with him in 11 years of continual conversation. Well, okay, maybe *once* I told him to change topics, but it was after a 30 minute disseration on the differences between the M-14, M-16, AK-47, M-1 Garand (sp?), and some other rifle. When he would help me study for college, we'd talk so much about classes I took that when he took the same courses he knew all the material and aced the exams without studying.
I guess my point is that for some couples (certainly not all), conversation will never be a problem. You will entertain each other just by being there. My man and I crave each other's company *so* much, even after more than a decade. It's like we're six year old kids or something who only want to hang out with their best friend, and get whiny and pouty when we can't. I'm actually concerned we're a bit codependent, but that's what comes from being HS sweethearts and literally growing up together.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Not at all.
Hybrid Mode
