Basically this is whats going on. I'm engaged, to the most WONDERFUL man in the world, there has been talks of children in our future and buying a house and etc... I'm naturally a flirt ( yes this is off topic but will tie in to what I'm saying ) I don't mean to be, but its my personality, I just have a super outgoing personality, and I tend to flirt. I adore attention ( and I like my alone time ). It has come to my attention from my Fiance, that he wants to see one of my friends sleep with me. This literally turns him on, just the thought of watching another man sleep with me, and make me his "slave". Now me and my fiance are into a more kinky kind of relationship already, he's pretty submissive and I'm the dominant one. He likes to be controlled in every aspect of his life by me. Now he wants to see me be controlled by another. Especially this friend of mine which is very attractive, and has wanted to be with me for awhile. Me and my bf have been together for 7 years now. We know each other inside and out, and we'll always be together. We love eachother VERY much. I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same sort of relationship or situation? How did it work for you? Thoughts?
Maybe I'm not as liberal as the rest of the bunch, but even if I wanted this (which I have trouble understanding why any guy would want this... but who am I to judge?) I can only see bad bad bad consequences. Not necessarily right away, but down the road. These are the kinds of things that plant the seeds for jealousy, suspicion and mistrust. Sure it may be ok now, but what if the rules change later? Is fulfilling a fantasy in the short term worth the longer term risks?
Others may disagree, but I can only speak for myself. So this is just one guy's opinion... one guy who has never experienced something like this and never will.
__________________
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride
Well...speaking from experience that is similar, but not exactly the same - reality is NEVER as good as fantasy. It is much better to just leave it as a fantasy. Just trust me.
If you value your friendship with the guy you have in mind - don't do it. Things will NEVER be the same again.
And then there was the suspicion and jealousy thing that ratingsguy mentioned - it's very true.
I'm not overly conservative at all. I've had a pretty wild sex life, actually. And knowing what I know about relationships and sex now - I say NO WAY.
I think that's a bad kind of fetish to have. Being the submissive one can already point to real-word esteem problems. Wanting to see you with another man means something about the betrayal and heartache would turn him on. That's not healthy.
I think that's a bad kind of fetish to have. Being the submissive one can already point to real-word esteem problems. Wanting to see you with another man means something about the betrayal and heartache would turn him on. That's not healthy.
I strongly disagree. I'm a sub. But it's not because I lack self-esteem. I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm so super-controlled in my own life that it's a turn on to surrender to somebody I trust so much to "take" that control.
Try posting your questions in the BDSM forum on Literotica . com. There are a lot of experienced people there who can help answer your questions from a been there/done that, or doing it now, perspective. Particularly the longer term ramifications.
Some wonderful idea that you have in your head that makes things illusionary; an invalid perception of what it would BE like instead of what it is.
Ever wondered about an ex for example, what you would say, do, then when reality happens with them, it's completely different from what you imagined?
Reality, is a different sort of dish. It might turn him on. No doubt in the long run it's going to cause damage.
He might wonder if you were more turned on than him about being with someone else while with him, or that if you consented to such an idea that you did not truly like him, as any girl that truly desires one person only could not consent to such a thing, or that you enjoyed it more with his friend (which he would probably never look at the same again) and cause other things. It can cause insecurity, jealousy, loathing and many different things at the same time.
Basically while he might want his fantasy lived out and while it would be a turn on, it would cause other problems that would cause a damaged relationship.
Remember, it's not just about him, but you. Even if you do feel comfortable with it because it pleases him, remember the consequences it could cause.
Ever heard of the people who have had a fantasy of threesomes, gang bangs. When **** hits the fan in this regard, despite it being a "fantasy," it causes a good deal of couples to break up, infact I would estimate a good 70%.
Try explain this to him. I mean some people have some crazy fantasies out there, but what you've got to realize that fantasies are just something you imagine in your head that seems good and in reality it's completely different.
The only people I've ever known to consent to such things and be fine are people that desire lust more than anything else and the negatives do not outweigh the lust, in which case they are really just lustful with that person more than the standard emotions felt.
__________________ There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do.
" A cross between a new age Buddhist Monk and Xena the Warrior Princess" GrayClouds.Caliguy's No Contact Guide.
Are both of you already into the bdsm lifestyle?
Has either of you already done anything similar before?
In any case, I think norajane gave you great advice - it would be great to talk with someone who already is in that kind of lifestyle, who has real, first hand experience and -expecially!- whose relationship such an experience.
I also recommend that you be extra-careful with your friend's feelings - make sure you do not lie to him, you do not trick him into your games, and that he knows exactly what he is up for.
So you are together for 7 yrs and everything very good and you talking about marriage?
You think that you know everything that is going in his head. But you do not understand why he wants you to have sex with another man. This is a
discrepancy. Which leads me to an idea that smth different is going on in his head that you might not know.
I guess, if I were a submissive guy, I would be afraid of breaking up with my GF, especially, if she is dominant and wants to settle. I would be creative to find a super reason to leave her. I am myself a really submissive female and I always try to find a persuasive reason to leave my partner, to avoid drama.
Another idea, that he just goes crazy because of being jealous all the time because you are a flirt.
I do not assume that my logic applies to your situation because I do not know much about you.
If you really want to know the truth about what you BF wants, you may try to go with his plan or at least try to move in that direction. Then you will see the reality of your situation.
Of course, you may try to find out the truth by communication, but it could be difficult to achieve. Men are not good at communicating their fears and emotions.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
He wants me with other men?
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