me and my mum know my dad is cheating, she's too scared to divorce him because he has all the money and she doesnt work. She's so unhappy and sometimes she cries, she's told me to tell anything i see to her. I've seen a porn vid with my dad and anpother woman in it on his phone. i'm too scared to tell my mum because she's so unhappy and she has heart problems and this might push her over the edge, i hate my dad he's been cheating for 10 years according to my mum, and they've had a few confrontations about it.
Crap. OK, first off life happens. Dysfunctional families happen, no one gets away clean. I dont know how old you are but I think you should know that you are not alone. Every family has issues, problems and secrets.
What to do? This is a problem between your parents. Yes! You are affected, but you have to stop participating. You cannot solve it and it doesn't sound as though they are prepared to. I can see why you find it easier to relate to and sympathize with your Mom...but she has made a mistake in asking you to gather information.
The BEST thing you can do for yourself, your mother, and your father is be honest and communicate. Tell them each together or individually if you must: THAT YOU KNOW. THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY ABOUT IT AND DISAPPOINTED. And tell them this problem between them is affecting your relationship with each of them.
Whether anything changes or not ...doing this will be the most helpful and healthiest thing for all.
__________________
"She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love."
Radio Head
pnginsr,
I'm sorry that you're stuck in the middle, and for the message that your dad is sending to you and your mom.
IMO, that is wise judgment to not tell your mom about the porn vid. I understand your mom's wishes, but it really isn't fair of her to ask you to act like a PI or report to her whatever you may discover in the normal course of business.
Depending on your age, is there a school counselor you can talk with, or would you consider seeking the guidance of an individual therapist? It's a lot for you to have to deal with, and you deserve to receive support and understanding for your own feelings.
You may also suggest counseling to your mom, so that she can vent her own disappointment, anger, frustration, etc., in an appropriate arena.
It's a difficult situation but, as the child (regardless of your age), it's not your responsibility to resolve or "fix" for either of your parents. In any case, you don't have the power, skills or knowledge to do that for other adults.
me and my mum know my dad is cheating, she's too scared to divorce him because he has all the money and she doesnt work. She's so unhappy and sometimes she cries, she's told me to tell anything i see to her. I've seen a porn vid with my dad and anpother woman in it on his phone. i'm too scared to tell my mum because she's so unhappy and she has heart problems and this might push her over the edge, i hate my dad he's been cheating for 10 years according to my mum, and they've had a few confrontations about it.
May I ask how old you are?
My advice: Do NOT play detective... do NOT TRY to find out things about his affairs... do NOT tell her what you already find out...
This is between your mom and dad... stay out of it.
Your mom is very WRONG in putting you in the middle of this.
Take care of yourself.. you might hate your dad for what he's doing.. but trust me, this has nothing to do with you.. he probably loves you to pieces..
this has nothing to do with you.. he probably loves you to pieces..
EXCELLENT point, Lizzie. I'm so glad you mentioned it.
pnginsr, I totally agree with Lizzie that your Dad's actions have ZERO to do with how much he loves you and how meaningful you are to him. It's about him, and his own fears and unresolved pain and suffering.
that said, encourage your mother to start her own personal bank account and to start putting away money. NOT to swipe all his assets, but to put aside a reasonable amount so that if it does come down to divorce, she has some kind of funding.
also help her get hooked up with counseling. It might not solve the problem of their dysfunctional marriage, but it'll give her the strength she needs to deal with said problems.
the best way to help her is to help her become more independent.
__________________ The best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Is there another adult you can go to? This is too much for you to bear. How about a minister or school counselor? Do you have siblings that you can seek support from?
__________________
Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
(he might have good reasons to stray)
Hybrid Mode
