[robaday]

Hi, I'm a 26 year old man and I have a couple of questions for people who may recognize themselves in me (I hope I'm not the only one).

I have a long history of using recreational drugs and alcohol. I started smoking when I was 10 years old (I'm still addicted). I was smoking cannabis on a regular basis between 14-19 (I quit cannabis because it made me paranoid).

I tried ecstacy at 16 or so. I then took ecstacy every weekend for 9 years, sometimes as many as 10 in one night. I recently quit ecstacy because I think it has contributed to my depression.

I snorted cocaine every weekend for the past 2 years. I never did more than a gram in a night and never did it when sober. I never craved it nor became dependant on it.

Coupled with all this however has been alcohol. I started drinking at 16 or so. After a year or 2 I could drink more than anyone I knew at my age. For some crazy reason I was proud of this. I didn't drink to enjoy myself. 1 or 2 drinks didn't appeal to me-I had to get out of my mind.

I drink every weekend. I have recently moved to a new place and going out is essential for me, as I need to meet as many people as I can. I still drink to exess when I do drink, however can take it or leave it-I don't NEED to drink, but if I have one then I have to have 10. Moderation is something I have never done, and don't think I could do.

If I drink 3 drinks, I get a very early hangover when I stop about 2 hours or later. I can't sleep after 3 drinks, and actually don't like the feeling of being semi-drunk.

I recognize that binge drinking is a problem. I also recognize that my inability to "just ahve a couple" is also a problem. However I have regularly detoxed and haven't found it too strenuous-I quit for 3 months once after partying to hard.

I'm looking for people's perspectives. I quit drugs without too much dificulty. I could see the harm they were doing to me. I know this sounds terrible but I don't want to quit drinking, I just wonder if people who've been to AA, or through other recovery therapy's can recognize this in them?

I don't crave alcohol like I do cigarettes. However I recognize that it is a drug just like any other, and has actually always been my primary vice-I'd take alcohol over cocaine anyday, and was always drunk when I did ecstacy.

Any ideas, similar experiences and advice, much appreciated. Thanks

[mark982]

you say you can take booze or leave it. do not fool yourself. it's like the devil teasing you, it's very sneaky. i started at 14, walking to high school drinking a pint of jack 3-4 x a week, i have a unreal tolerance for alchol, suck down a fifth and other people would never know. if you're on this board asking these questions, you are asking yourself "well maybe i do have a problem". i wasted 30 yrs. being drunk. look deep inside yourself for the answers, or this is what to expect. oh by the way i take FULL responsibility, for my drinking problems.

[slippery sneaker]

Originally Posted by mark982

you say you can take booze or leave it. do not fool yourself. it's like the devil teasing you, it's very sneaky. i started at 14, walking to high school drinking a pint of jack 3-4 x a week, i have a unreal tolerance for alchol, suck down a fifth and other people would never know. if you're on this board asking these questions, you are asking yourself "well maybe i do have a problem". i wasted 30 yrs. being drunk. look deep inside yourself for the answers, or this is what to expect. oh by the way i take FULL responsibility, for my drinking problems.

Sooooooo true,I even tried it myself,very sneaky.
Ha remember when we were younger 19 ish,we would say OH MAN I DRANK A half gallon,and then when we grow up we tell everyone we had only two LOL WHO WE FOOLING???

[yoko]

You are certainly not the only one. I promise you that.

Here's my experience;
I began drinking and smoking (pot and cigarettes) when I was about 15 or so. I smoked and drank every weekend. I didn't drink at school but I did smoke pot during school. Drinking made me feel less shy and brought out a side of me that I thought was necessary if I were to have any friends at all. And, let's face it, it was fun!

I got pregnant at 17 and had the baby on my own. I drank on weekends when I went out. I remember thinking how awful it was for a Saturday night to go by without going out to the bar.

As the years passed I continued this and got married the first time at 21. My husband and I both drank every weekend and smoked pot daily. I began drinking at home then about 2 or 3 times during the week. Sometimes my little boy would come home to find me drunk and high. More often than I like to remember unfortunately. And so began the dysfunction that comes with alcohol but I was unaware or in denial.

By the time I was 30 and with 2 children and an alcoholic husband I decided to quit smoking pot. I did that easily and didn't smoke again for several years. I also would quit drinking from time to time but could never stay sober for longer than 2 or 3 months.

I couldn't drink just one ever. If I did only have one or two for reasons not of my choosing of course, I would get a horrible headache and the hangover sensation you describe. When I drank I always drank to get drunk. I never could see the point of drinking without getting drunk.

More years go by. 2 more marriages to alcoholics. Another child. The drinking had progressed still and I began to obsess about going out or staying in and getting drunk. It was the only way I could truly relax. I had lost control. I was never an every day drinker. I drank every other day. One day to drink, one day to be hungover.

Finally at 40 I got a DUI and was forced into 90 AA meetings by court order. I knew I had a problem but still doubted I was truly alcoholic. I did stay sober for about 7 months at that time. Then I met a man who wanted to take me out and said it was OK if I drank because he would "take care" of me. Well, I did and about a year later he left me because I was drinking every other day again and sometimes even by 7 am.

By the time I was 45 drinking was the only way I could relax, talk to friends and family, be intimate. I was addicted. I was dependent on alcohol to live what I thought was a normal life and I knew it. I went to AA on my own after some very ugly experiences while drinking. I didn't want to drink anymore but I didn't really want to stop. I didn't know how to live without it.

It took me several years to stop completely. I'm 51 now and don't drink at all and happy about that. For me drinking will definately bring me nothing but misery. The warm, comfortable feeling may last about an hour or two then I have a black out for many hours and behave in ways I can't imagine when sober. I have lost friends and family because of this. I live alone and have little financial stability and no prospects for the future. I am in this position because I "partied" instead of developing a life for myself and my children.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. We're all a bit different in that area. But one thing that is very common among all alcoholics is that one is not enough - ever.

I urge you to consider attending an AA meeting and talk to some people there. Also as you listen you will hear things that right true to you. You will eventually begin to feel at home. I did. There is a solution. You are not alone.

You sound like an intelligent young man. You said that you don't want to quit and that's where I was. It took alot of pain. The pain I caused loved ones and the pain I inflicted on myself. I hope you don't have to go that route. I comes with a ton of regret.

Be well.

[slippery sneaker]

Oh yes I forgot,you might do it on your own,But Dude let me tell ya,it will not last long,and you will be a miserable sober person.(i see this in alot of cases) Just my opinion. (and my own case)

Try to get some help now,if you want it,many people in many different kinds of groups will help you,and plenty of numbers in phonebook,but I'm sure you all ready know this.
Wishing ya the best

I been 5 years with no help,and it is hard sometimes ,but like yoko is the same reason I do not drink. It's not fun anymore,and you can drink yourself straight sometime YUCK!!!

[lonelypiscesguy]

I know where of you speak, dude. I LOVE beer! I love brewing it, I love the complexity of it, i simply love it! BUT! As I wrote about in another post, my ex GF is a recovering alcoholic and I think the best thing for her is a clean and sober BF (I also smoke the occasional bud). But what do I really want to keep me company in my golden years, my old friends weed and beer, or the the love and respect of a sweethearted woman? She forgave me for calling her loaded, but my jerk-off behavior after that the was the last straw. If I get a second chance with this beautiful woman, I will seriously consider going clean and sober, for her, not because I feel like I have a problem. I drink about a 12 pack a month now, and want to get down to a 6 pack a month, so I can't possibly get drunk. What I'm getting at is, it sounds like you're setting yourself up for a life of loneliness. Is that what you REALLY want?

[D-Lish]

I didn't start drinking until I was into my 30's. I started doing it because I couldn't sleep and my anxiety was so out of control. It was the only thing that gave me confidence and helped me to sleep at night.

I denied I had a problem for a long time. I was drinking alone and isolating myself. I too can drink up to 15 or 16 cans of beer in an evening- it actually took that much to get me drunk!

It's not a happy life to live.

[mark982]

it can be a happy life to live,just gotta find the right balance.it changes yr. to yr. for me.right now it got 5 yrs. coming up soon.done this all on my own(so far),but i do feel now that if i don't find "confortable" meetings to go to soon,that my soberity is in serious question.

[gigantic]

GONE TOO FAR

Do you have a family member who is struggling with an addiction to drugs or alcohol? Has their addiction taken control over their life? Is their addiction destroying your family? Is rehab your last hope to saving your loved one’s life?

Gigantic! Productions is casting for a new MTV Series, dedicated to helping young people overcome their addictions. We are offering free or low cost treatment for those selected to participate. If you have a family member or friend who appears to be between the ages of 18-23 and has a drug or alcohol addiction, please email us at MTVcasting@gigantic.tv with your story and some information about your loved one’s situation.

[GorillaTheater]

Originally Posted by gigantic

We are offering free or low cost treatment for those selected to participate.

That seems pretty cheap of you. Why not pay them a fair sum as well as cover their treatment?

[Groovy]

I agree this thread is old and revived! But for the debate that you can or can't lead a productive life depends on the person. An ironic post for what I am going through....

I used drugs when I was 12. I got high with one of my older brothers who was 16. For me, I thought I was invinceable. I had a great time until 5 years later I overdosed and landed in the ER on a combo of things.

Back then I was just naive, young and stupid. I was angry at my family and wanted to be numb to our problems and if I hurt them in it all, even better. A typical reckless kid who doesn't realize how short life is and how much I had ahead of me.

I was fine for 20 years. Then I got into a relationship where I felt afraid for my safety. After I ended it and threats were made, stalkings and break in occurred. Someone in my family passed away suddenly. My job began having problems and the economy tanked. The holidays stressed me out. I reached a point where I didn't care, knowing the consequences of drinking every night and maybe mixing pain killers with it all. Mostly I felt alone in a relationship that had become abusive. I was that way for a few months.

But now I realize I deserve to succeed and be happy. That all I do is I knock myself down when I wake up hungover. So even after 20 years of thinking I learned I fell back on the habit I had when I was 12. I had nightmares all night, I feel shaky but this too shall pass. Right now though I want to jump out of my skin!

I cannot be productive and be a regular user of booze or drugs. Some people party way more than me and still manage to succeed. For me, it is money down the drain, empty calories, a long list of illnesses that increase with use and lost time.

I have a brother that gets violent when he drinks, even if it's 3 times that year. We are all different when it comes to this and need to judge how it affects us.

[NotSoSmiley]

Seriously, and I don't mean to be harsh here, but you put yourself out there, so here it comes. I've been in two long term relationships with drug/alcoholics (the two seem to go hand in hand). Why I was so lucky (or stupid) to find these two men in one lifetime is my own problem and right now I am in therapy so I don't make the same mistake again.

If you have to ask if you have a problem, I would recommend you re-read your post. You have a problem. The question is, do you want to get better? Only you can answer that question. Only you can get better. Believe me, it doesn't matter how much other people in your life may love you, the only thing they are truly doing is enabling your behavior. It is hard when you love someone to walk away or to say "no." You are scared if you don't help them, they will find another way. And as I know with addicts, where there is a will there is a way. They want to get drunk, they will. They want to snort or shoot up, and they are going to. It is horrible to watch someone who is a good person, a loving person, waste their life away on that crap! It destroys the people that love you just as it destroys you.

So, again, I pose the question: are you ready to get clean? If so, then do something about it? Don't make up a grocery list and ask such a stupid question; you already know the answer to that question.

And seriously, best of luck to you. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but recognizing your problem is the first step. Getting/asking for help is the next-you'd be surprised at how many people will be more than willing to help you.

[robaday]

Hey,

Thanks! the truth hurts sometimes eh? buts its re-assuring to read other people who recognize similar things to me.

I have finally found a GP who has an in-depth knowledge of both alcohol and drug abuse and depression (this post could go under self improvement and wellbeing) and he has given me a lovely diagnosis:

AXIS 1: ALCOHOL USE DISORDER, ATS USE DISORDER, ADJUSTMENT DISORDER, ANXIETY DISORDER, OCD, MAJOR DEPRESSIVE EPISODE

Anyone wanna date a broke 27 year old with the above? well I've quit the drugs (well for 6 months anyway) have cut back on drinking (once every three weeks instead of every weekend) and am finally on an anti-dep that seems to work, albeit after 2 years of trying different types which seemed to make things worse.

thanks for the responses