Hmmm

[Guest]

Reading some of the newest posts, it amazes me that for "most" we tend to fall into the same habits and live in the same worlds.

 

These A's are created because something is missing in a marriage. It could be something small that just isnt getting addressed at home.

 

We start to believe that life is going to be this almighty entity that no other has ever seen before because MM is leaving his W now that he found his true solemate.

 

How many here have been told MM is leaving and never does? Why do we bother to live under the umbrella of separation and divorce out of a whime relationship that "just came out of the blue", "it was something that just happened", "he confided in me and it went from there".

 

Let's be serious here and get into reality mode..... I am an OW. I have had a MM for years. He has a family. He is going to give them up for me and I have never asked him to. I'm not that nieve in such a situation.

 

The stone can be thrown that I'm being used or that I am wasting my time. Well, we have a quiet relationship that is more revolved around communication of what is on our minds and he have created a space to talk "just us" to work through our daily lives as they are outside of this relationship. We aren't unhappy people. we aren't "unfortunate" to have spouses or any of the usual mumbo jumbo.

 

He goes away with his W.....it's expected. He talks of things in his M and family, both good and bad...it's expected. We were friends for many many years before anything further came about......I have a lot of feelings for him as he does about me.

 

There seems to be a lot of question on these boards about "Am I being lied to"...etc. Of course you are. It's a lot false hope and some lies. If I was nieve enough to believe that the bad times out weigh the good times in my MM's personal life, I would be forking the money over for the nearest piece of swamp land for sale.

 

There are some R's here that do work out, don't get me wrong but for the number of people on this board, we all won't stay afloat in the A's we are apart of. It's common sense clouded by deceit and and false promises. If it does work out and you get what you both want (each other) know that he is now half the man you knew when he was with W. The expenditures that were once glorious hotel rooms and traveling together become cheques made out the the W and kids on a monthly basis and the house (or apartment) you have together will only be a pebble of problem in the newest R.

 

I have seen comment of "if W knows and doesn't care, isn't that kinda sick?"....Why? We know and we don't care. Don't kid yourself that intimacy isn't happening at home on some level....it is! (It's expected, they are married!) And Im sure it happens even more when W finds out about A because MM is trying to keep the M together after that.

 

Know that although we are in love with someone who "fell into our lap", wishing that he was all ours all the time ain't always the bed of roses we invisioned.

 

Good Luck to all!