Shiraz Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I have been with a MM for 5 years now. His home life he claims is perfect... he's happy, good sex at home, good family life (He's not home much) Anyways, he gets home pretty late some nights, after having dinner with me. So goes home, doesn't eat.... He says his wife has no idea. Do you think that's possible? Would tuition not kick in? Would their sex life not change some? Maybe less often, or not as intimate or something change? that would make her wonder? I can't believe she doesn't even suspect.... Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Do you mean that this has been the routine for the past 5 years?? He eats dinner and has sex with you every night?? Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I believe she does suspect..but actually sometimes instead of decreased sex drive at home MM's libido rises..but none the less I'm sure plenty has changed and she knows...perhaps she just doesn't want to see the forest for the trees. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shiraz Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 Some weeks we see eachother three times, and some times for or 5. We see eachother every day at work. He will come home with me, probably 2-3 times a week and stay until at least 7 or 8. Some times he gets home close to 10. He also has a second job, once a week. He finishes there at about 10:30 p.m., comes here, and doesn't get home until 2 or 2:30 a.m. She never questions it. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 I read your post again.... I think I get what your situation is. I hunch is that she doesn't know. Your MM can be a very convincing liar. I am a MW for 10 years... my husband comes home late some nights... I have no reason to believe that he's seeing someone else. I believe that he is a busy man. When he is home, he is no help with the kids... so I don't even miss him when he is not home. My husband will tell everyone that he has a great marriage. He tells me that we have a great marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shiraz Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 And then a nob goes and write something like I just have. I'm sorry. I feel that men don't really know when things aren't good. I figure if things were so good at home, I wouldn't be in the picture. He came into my life when I was crashing. He was my knight, and helped me recover from a seperation and sexual abuse. I fell in love with him, and he said he fell in love with me. I often feel sorry for his wife and some times angry. So many weird feelings. I know what I"m doing isn't right, but I need the help and he does help me alot. Link to post Share on other sites
CeeJayXX Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I have been with a MM for 5 years now. His home life he claims is perfect... he's happy, good sex at home, good family life (He's not home much) Anyways, he gets home pretty late some nights, after having dinner with me. So goes home, doesn't eat.... He says his wife has no idea. Do you think that's possible? Would tuition not kick in? Would their sex life not change some? Maybe less often, or not as intimate or something change? that would make her wonder? I can't believe she doesn't even suspect.... This is definitely a possibility that wife doesn't suspect a thing. If this has been his constant routine for 5 years, of course she is not suspicious. If something drastically changed for him as he was meeting you (5 years ago) W would chalk up the change in his life to that and accept it as just that. They obviously have a great relationship if she is not questioning his late nights and no dinners at home. Just because he is having an A with you does not mean that his life at home has to be completely pathetic. My Mm and his W have a great relationship and have for many many years. I fill in a small part of his life that is non-existent in his home life now. (Not complaining or throwing stones either). We automatically assume W will suspect something because we are on the other side of the fence looking through.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 WOW, great insight, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 We automatically assume W will suspect something because we are on the other side of the fence looking through.... I think that's true. I have wondered about W suspecting anything, but then, why would she? We've only ever seen each other when he's away working. She seems quite happy with a quick call to her and the kids in the evening, and then we get on with our evening. No calls in the morning... nothing. She just lives a completely separate life. Now that he's working in his home city, we just haven't seen each other. He calls me on his way to work, and on his way home, and at lunchtime. He's never had to lie about me, or about where he is. Probably your MM does the same... he's always 'worked late' and got something to eat on his way home..? As long as they don't change essential behaviour, then what's to notice? What's always made me wonder is HOW on earth W can think that she still has a R with him, when they don't connect at all. Why isn't she bothered that they never have sex? Why isn't she bothered that they never go out together? Why isn't she bothered that they lead more or less separate lives... either one or the other of them is taking one or the other child to children's activities, or parents evenings, or she's going out with her friends (I know these things because when he's alone he calls me). But it seems that some people are happy with that kind of 'relationship'. MM calls her a 'conflict avoider'... any time he's bought up the fact they don't connect, she just won't talk about it. Over the two years I've known him he's told me that she's complained that the R is rubbish... but she doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. If it were me... I'd be demanding we Make Something Happen! But... she just plods on. And the thing is, if your MM says that he and his wife are happy... then she has even less reason to suspect anything. Are you hoping she has someone else..? I must admit, I spent a while hoping the same thing lol. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I have been with a MM for 5 years now. His home life he claims is perfect... he's happy, good sex at home, good family life (He's not home much) He is telling you this BS only to prevent you from demanding from him to leave his wife for you! You'll never know the truth. WTF are you doing with a happily MM for 5 years?!?!?!!? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 . Are you hoping she has someone else..? I must admit, I spent a while hoping the same thing lol. As I was reading your post, I was thinking the same thing that you said at the end. Maybe, you never know. If my husband was to meet someone on the side, he would tell his OW that he is in basically a sexless marriage and that would be very true. Thats why I said in some thread yesterday that this claim of an "in name only " marriage isn't always a lie. For financial/family reasons, I have opted to remain this way but I know it's not a union that will remain that much longer. We are two very different people that should have never married in the first place. This has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else, like MM, that is in my life. It was a fact that predated the affair and would be true if I never saw my MM again. I'm going off on a tangent here, though. Anyhow, it's very possible that your OM's wife has her own reasons for staying for now and could very well be getting her needs met elsewhere. Thats why she isn't demanding that the relationship be improved. She might not really want it anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Blind Illusion, I'm doubtful, these days, that she has anyone else. I just don't think she's interested in MM any longer. Otherwise, why wouldn't she want to do something about it? She has what she wants... he earns far more than she does ~ she's on minimum wage. She's also very against divorce in general, and is always speaking out against it when anyone they know or hear of separates. Her and her friends are always talking about how apalling some man was to leave his wife and children. So... I just think she's used to, and accepts, a R which is dead, for the sake of having a home and children, and a decent wage coming in. Link to post Share on other sites
Trizb84 Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 my MM says his W dosnt know either, he travles 4 hours driving time, and usually spends the night, and when he returns home he gives her some excuse about needing some "alone time". I think in some cases its just denial or carlessness. From what i gather from my MM she usually dosnt even ask where he's been all nite/weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 not knowing the full situation here. Maybe these Ws are financially dependant on their H and are afraid of questioning them. You know the saying, "ignorance is bliss" Link to post Share on other sites
The Wife Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Sometimes us wives just actually believe our husbands. Working late, grabbed a bite to eat on the way home, why question that? Good sex, family life, why think he was cheating? I NEVER thought my husband would cheat on me. He always told me he would never do anything to jepordize our marriage, plus he would have to pay way too much if he left. Sometimes, the wife just believes that a marriage is what it is supposed to me. Love, sex, family, work. He must be a real good actor. I never suspected my husband was cheating until I had a dream. In my dream I was told to look at his phone. When I did, I found everything I needed to know. Sometimes, we just belive that our husabnds love only us. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 The husbands do love their wives. Very much. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 The husbands do love their wives. Very much. That's what I hear all the time! If that's so, men must have a very different definition for "love" than women do. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 The husbands do love their wives. Very much. I probably could do with a little less "love" then in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I can't believe you're willing to put up with half a loaf! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I can't believe you're willing to put up with half a loaf! It is weird... I have been on LS for about 5 months now, and I find that I am shifting/changing in my attitude toward extramarital affairs! When I first started, I identified myself as the OW. But recently, I have been arguing in the W's position! Granted, I am a MW as well. Something is changing within me - and I don't know what! I think this changing attitude is a reflection of the end of an [emotional] affair?? What Curmudgeon says here echoes my sentiments exactly! Why is that? Even 2 months ago, I was fantasizing about living with half a loaf! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 That's what I hear all the time! If that's so, men must have a very different definition for "love" than women do. Hear, hear..... Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 It is weird... I have been on LS for about 5 months now, and I find that I am shifting/changing in my attitude toward extramarital affairs! When I first started, I identified myself as the OW. But recently, I have been arguing in the W's position! Granted, I am a MW as well. Something is changing within me - and I don't know what! I think this changing attitude is a reflection of the end of an [emotional] affair?? What Curmudgeon says here echoes my sentiments exactly! Why is that? Even 2 months ago, I was fantasizing about living with half a loaf! Good for you KHLF! Thanks for sharing your progress. I've also found LS very helpful and a large part of why I didn't go creating a half a loaf for my SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I can't believe you're willing to put up with half a loaf! I guess it varies in each situation. In my case, I am living with a half-loaf and maybe subconsciously I hoped to gain the other half that I was missing with the MM. Guess I still haven't found that man that was the whole enchilada Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I thought I had the whole enchilada, but ended up with just the friggen stem! Ah well... live and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
beachrosie Posted April 12, 2006 Share Posted April 12, 2006 I think the MW must know, they might just choose to stay in it because of financial reasons. I think fear keeps many people in place. Otherwise, we all wouldn't be so affected by situations we see as dysfunctional. Link to post Share on other sites
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