he makes my tummy hurts one minute, then the next minute im in heaven

[lolax]

hello im the ow.....been seeing my married man for 5 months now, and although im not sure i really think im in love with him. hes always on my mind and when we are together i cant stop smiling he makes me feel a million dollars.

but when i dont see him of hear from {its never been more than a day} i feel sick, cant eat, cant get out of bed.....cant function.

we have grown very close and i know it is more than just sex , but i am finding the whole thing very straining !!

i have never seen a married man before and wouldnt do after this.

i also never felt like this before.....but is that because i cant have him!!

i am very used to getting what i want...if i got him would i want him??

my head is in a spin wish i didnt feel like this, but i do!! am i a bad person????

do they ever leave????

if i loved someone enough i would do anything

[Sami_D]

Hello lolax. You posted on DepressedWaiting's thread that she "behaved badly" by giving her MM grief.

 

You're right... she went to desperate levels at the end of her R with him... because of all the strain, the lies, the promises, the worry. If you're being nice to him because that's what you think will keep him 'happy' and seeing you... isn't very healthy. No wonder you have tummy ache.

[whichwayisup]

You have all your eggs in one basket. You cannot rely on ONE person to bring you all your own happiness.

 

Sorry to sound harsh, but the way you feel, so up and down on the rollercoaster is what your life will be like for a very long time if you continue to involve yourself (I should I say revolve around) the MM.

 

You don't love him, yet you want him? And if you got him, you're not sure if you'd actually want him...He isn't going to leave his wife for you, ever.

 

End it now, for your own sanity. Don't you think you're worth alot more? Don't you feel you deserve the love from a single man?

[Allegrokw]

Take it from everyone here's experiences. The only way to keep yourself whole is to break away from the MM.

 

The rollercoaster you describe hits home for me. I was involved for 3 years. All of the ups and downs, depression, etc. It landed me in the hospital twice. Once was a very close call. I almost didn't wake up. I'm not normally that emotional and have a pretty good handle on my life, but what I was doing was violating MY OWN value system, and didn't recognize it till recently. Once I saw it, I stopped contact. It is probably the most painful thing I have ever done. But, I was thinking about his W a lot, and what she must be going through. He had separated from her (and me) 6 times in three years. I started to feel like a f**king yo - yo. No control of my emotions, hard to focus at work, etc.

 

It sounds like you are on a dangerous path. Remember that you have to love yourself before you can love another. I don't know if you feel guilty about your A, but if you do, then trust me - GET AWAY NOW. Things get worse, not better. You will find yourself hanging onto every possible thread of hope that he feeds you. Usually, they don't leave their W. And, if he ever does leave, then remember it was because of you, and he may resent you for that. It's best to let go and see what happens.

 

If you decide to stay in the R, then be very honest with yourself about the consequences to your emotional health. It sounds like you already see what is to come. Keep your eyes open all of the time. When he tells you that you are the one and only true love of his life, remember that he goes back home to sleep with his W every night. He hides YOU. Do you want to remain hidden forever? Aren't you worth the love from someone who doesn't split it between 2 people?

 

Good luck.

[Walking away]

The longer you are with your MM, the less you will feel like you are in "heaven"...Take it from one who knows.....your heaven with him will turn into a private hell. Get out now.

[whichwayisup]

The question is...WOULD you be putting up with this s***, the rollercoaster ride if the guy was single and your boyfriend??? My best guess is NO. For some strange reason the OW/MM dynamic is really weird that way. I've read SO many posts by OW, and it seems that the situation itself is so highly intense and emotional, more so than a single man/woman relationship.

 

Please really take the advice given and get out. Noone is worth that much pain. Especially when the guy is married.

[Walking away]

You are so right, WWIU. I would NEVER in a million years have put up with the guilt, pain, longing, torture, etc. in a relationship with a single man. I guess the hook is how well these MM treat us to keep us around. You don't often, if ever, find that kind of attentiveness with a single man. Single men just don't have to work that hard to keep a woman. MM know that they need to go "over and beyond" to keep the OW comfortable even though we rarely are "comfortable". Nevertheless, in my experience at least, it is the whirlwind romance and sweet nothings that keep the OW in the situation. But deep down inside, all that smoke and mirrors doesn't change the fact that he is still married....

[lolax]

You are so right, WWIU. I would NEVER in a million years have put up with the guilt, pain, longing, torture, etc. in a relationship with a single man. I guess the hook is how well these MM treat us to keep us around. You don't often, if ever, find that kind of attentiveness with a single man. Single men just don't have to work that hard to keep a woman. MM know that they need to go "over and beyond" to keep the OW comfortable even though we rarely are "comfortable". Nevertheless, in my experience at least, it is the whirlwind romance and sweet nothings that keep the OW in the situation. But deep down inside, all that smoke and mirrors doesn't change the fact that he is still married....

thank you for your words of wisdom.....you certainly know what your talking about

i wish it was that easy .....to walk away ....i just cant:lmao:

[lolax]

Take it from everyone here's experiences. The only way to keep yourself whole is to break away from the MM.

 

The rollercoaster you describe hits home for me. I was involved for 3 years. All of the ups and downs, depression, etc. It landed me in the hospital twice. Once was a very close call. I almost didn't wake up. I'm not normally that emotional and have a pretty good handle on my life, but what I was doing was violating MY OWN value system, and didn't recognize it till recently. Once I saw it, I stopped contact. It is probably the most painful thing I have ever done. But, I was thinking about his W a lot, and what she must be going through. He had separated from her (and me) 6 times in three years. I started to feel like a f**king yo - yo. No control of my emotions, hard to focus at work, etc.

 

It sounds like you are on a dangerous path. Remember that you have to love yourself before you can love another. I don't know if you feel guilty about your A, but if you do, then trust me - GET AWAY NOW. Things get worse, not better. You will find yourself hanging onto every possible thread of hope that he feeds you. Usually, they don't leave their W. And, if he ever does leave, then remember it was because of you, and he may resent you for that. It's best to let go and see what happens.

 

If you decide to stay in the R, then be very honest with yourself about the consequences to your emotional health. It sounds like you already see what is to come. Keep your eyes open all of the time. When he tells you that you are the one and only true love of his life, remember that he goes back home to sleep with his W every night. He hides YOU. Do you want to remain hidden forever? Aren't you worth the love from someone who doesn't split it between 2 people?

 

Good luck.

thank you so much for your advice, and i have taken all that youve said on

board, love to know your story, thanx

[Walking away]

thank you for your words of wisdom.....you certainly know what your talking about

i wish it was that easy .....to walk away ....i just cant:lmao:

 

Lolax,

 

It is incredibly hard to walk away...I am doing it right now. I have tried to leave this relationship numerous times only to be hooked back in by his charm and attentiveness, not to mention the material stuff to boot! It takes an incredible amount of control to stick to my guns because my MM does not want the affair to end. However, I guess I just got tired of the pain and emptiness. With him in my life for the short time he was there, I was lonely. And I decided it was better to be lonely alone than with him. Plus, I read some posts from the BS. Their pain is palpable and I cannot do this to a fellow female out there....I wish you luck and hope you make the right decision for YOU.