confusedmind Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hey, I am in desperate need of some help and advice in my situation. I met this guy about 8 months ago through work. Since then, we have gotten pretty close. We see eachother almost everyday, take breaks together, and both feel comfortable enough to talk about personal issues with eachother. Since the start i found myself attracted to him physically, and now that i know him alot better, i find myself attracted to him emotionally aswell. Problem is - he has a gf, a longterm one at that. They have been dating for 2 years. Last night we all went out for work christmas party, and him and his gf were there. It caught me off guard tho, because he spent half the night with me, chatting with me, asking if i was ok, asking if i was single, if i like being single, etc etc. I passed this off as purely a mutual friendship thing, but then he started touching me, hugging me, things that didnt really seem right considering his gf was at the party. I caught her watching us quite a few times aswell which started to make me feel bad. Anyway, a group of us went back to his place to have a few more drinks. His gf went home early from town and was asleep upstairs, basically everyone crashed as soon as we got home, but him and i decided to stay up for a bit and talk. We sat out on the balcony talking about everything. How much pressure he is under at work, and then started to talk about relationships. I wanted to find out more about him and his gf so i asked a few questions. I asked him if he thinks he will be with her for awhile. He answered "yeah... well i dont know its strange, when u get to my age its like its expected that you have to have a gf and commitment, so yeah". (hes a few years older than me). And i said to him "well not really, you shouldn't be settling for someone just because you think you should be in a relationship because your at that age....." I am really confused, because i got vibes from him that he likes me, he kept telling me that i'm such a great and awesome girl. And all the questions about why im not with anyone etc got me thinking. I just wish there was some subtle way that i could find out once and for all how he feels...? I just want to see him happy, because at the moment, I think he is with his GF because he thinks he has to, because hes at the whole "commitment-marriage" age. I would hate for him to realise in 10 years time that hes made that mistake. I really think i have something special with him, we're so comfortable with eachother. I just really dont know what to do... confront him or leave it? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 First of all, imagine you being the long-term girlfriend. Would you think that this guy behaved so wonderfully, if you would know what happened and all that? I doubt it. Is there any reason to think that things might be differently two years down the line as his girlfriend? I see little reason to assume that now. If a guy wants to be with you, he will make an effort. Whatever he is doing with his girlfriend, if he is not happy with her, he should leave himself, and not act like a spoiled kid (the touching and hugging of you, under the nose of his gf), in order to get his girlfriend to dump him, so he is the "poor victim", of a paranoid girlfriend, who does not believe in friendships with people of the other sex. If he keeps hanging on to her, it is because he wants to. And if he is miserable, or what not, it is his job to fix the situation. It is not your job. It is not the job of his mom, or whomever. It's his job. He is playing a dangerous game and he knows that (unless he is autistic, or suffers from a somewhat similar problem). I would seriously question his emotional maturity. If he were so emotionally mature, he would not be in a relationship, because he is supposed to be in one. But because he wants to be in one. It may sound harsh, but I would say to forget about this guy. Happiness for him does not come from having a great woman around, but from being a great man - which can be doubted a lot in his case, if we consider the emotional maturity you ascribe to him, and the behaviors that don't match with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedmind Posted November 21, 2005 Author Share Posted November 21, 2005 Hey, thank you for your advice... Unfortunately it isn't that that easy to forget about him. But I am going to leave it and back off and wait til he decides. I backed off from him the other night when I got the vibe he wanted more than friendship with me. I would hate to turn into the other woman. He was telling me the other night how loyal he has been to his GF and vice versa, but for some reason, when he met me, I caught him off guard. The fact that I see him everyday at work is going to make life difficult, but if he does want to be with me, he is going to have to break it off with his GF and work to gain my trust that its what he truely wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 He was telling me the other night how loyal he has been to his GF and vice versa, but for some reason, when he met me, I caught him off guard. What a load of garbage! He's a jerk - as evidenced by him pawing you in front of his gf among other things. Do you honestly think he would treat you any better?????? Plus you work with him. Forget him. Yes, it's easy to do. You just think of something else every time you're tempted to think of him. We think ourselves into love but you can prevent it if you want to. He sounds like a real bad deal. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 i agree with outcast here. these are just lines. not very good ones either. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 You say... "I would hate for him to realise in 10 years time that hes made that mistake.." Well, it's not really for you to get into the middle of his relationship or help him decide what he wants. He's a big boy. A real man can decide for himself whether he wants in or out. I agree with the other posters, he's feeding you lines of cr*p and you would be wise to back out of this before it gets messy If he decides to become single, then I wish you luck. Maybe the 'special connection' is there, but you can't have it if the other party has no guts. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts