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Not sure what it is I want.


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Old 1st February 2018, 5:41 PM   #1
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Not sure what it is I want.

I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't stop. If anything, my guilt about cheating has become less and less each day and I think its safe to say that I am addicted to my affair partner at this point. We have been on again and off again for the past 7 years and sometimes I am genuinely scared by my feelings for him. When we first started, I was so careful to delete messages and hide calls and make up semi convincing alibis and now at this point, I could care less. I want his photos and words on my phone so I can look at them during the day. I want that extra hour with him even though I know I should have been home two hours ago. I think deep down I want to finally get caught so I can---well, I don't know what.


When I don't have him physically close, or when I am not exchanging texts, there is a frustrating vacancy that I try desperately to fill with work and mindless daydreams and long letters that I'll never send. I'm not exactly sure what it is I want from him at this point, but I know that I don't want anyone else to have it with him.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to get these thoughts out.
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Old 1st February 2018, 6:26 PM   #2
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You seem happy enough...so carry on doing what makes you happy. If it goes belly up...you'll be able to deal with it.
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Old 1st February 2018, 7:32 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by losingfocus View Post
I know what I'm doing is wrong, but I can't stop. If anything, my guilt about cheating has become less and less each day and I think its safe to say that I am addicted to my affair partner at this point. We have been on again and off again for the past 7 years and sometimes I am genuinely scared by my feelings for him. When we first started, I was so careful to delete messages and hide calls and make up semi convincing alibis and now at this point, I could care less. I want his photos and words on my phone so I can look at them during the day. I want that extra hour with him even though I know I should have been home two hours ago. I think deep down I want to finally get caught so I can---well, I don't know what.


When I don't have him physically close, or when I am not exchanging texts, there is a frustrating vacancy that I try desperately to fill with work and mindless daydreams and long letters that I'll never send. I'm not exactly sure what it is I want from him at this point, but I know that I don't want anyone else to have it with him.

Thanks for giving me an opportunity to get these thoughts out.
So what's keeping you from fessing up if you'd be happier with him than in your current situation?
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Old 1st February 2018, 8:03 PM   #4
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If you are wanting to get caught, why not just fess up(as the above poster said)?

Then you dont have to live in secrecy anymore.. assuming the OM is single too..
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Old 1st February 2018, 8:44 PM   #5
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She won't confess because part of her knows it won't work with the affair partner. She wants to get caught because then it wouldn't be a choice she made.

OP, honestly it's pretty clear what you want, but you don't want to give up the benefits of the marriage, whatever they are.
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