Jenny1184 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) My colleague, who has a girlfriend, starting flirting with me over a year ago. At first he found reasons for us to work together on projects, he got my mobile number from other colleagues, texted me about work related stuff, and I was kinda irritated about it his attention at first. I have a boyfriend as well. Then he started to try to catch my attention at work, I caught him staring at me, smiling, touching me in silly situations, trying to talk with me every minute possible. He started texting me every day, never in a sexual way, but flirting and sending random pictures. Never did he mention his girlfriend, when he sent me pics of him being somewhere he always made sure to tell me, he was together with guy friends. At work, he started to find reasons to meet alone in a room. He showed me confusion when I didn’t message him for a few days (mainly at the weekends). Then he started calling me on my phone. One night he phoned me, while very drunk, and told me that I am the only person he wants to see badly every day. That he wants to speak to me badly, but I go home early all the time. He asked me why I was not together with my boyfriend that night (my boyfriend was out clubbing with his friends). He wanted me to pick him up that night, and showed irritation at me always holding back, never showing my feelings, although we both liked each other, so he said. The next day he pretended he did not remember calling me. I thought he was embarrassed and regretted it, because we both are in a relationship and because I didn’t really react to his call (I was shocked, and just listened to him). For almost a year we had many very “romantic” situations, he never came across as somebody who just wanted a physical relationship. I thought he had real feelings for me, as a person. And I started having feelings for him too. Then, almost a year of being confused about him and my boyfriend, I met him after work and confessed my feelings for him. But he said he didn’t have any feelings for me, that he had only been friendly and I probably imagined things. Five months have passed, I completely ignore him at work, but I am still suffering from the heartbreak and the confusion. Did he never have feelings for me at all? Did he just like the attention ( though I was passive and shy almost all the time, especially since I was confused about the whole situation)? Did he realize after my confession that he just wasn’t THAT into me? Or did he not want to lose his “safe” relationship with his girlfriend? I have trouble letting go and need someones advice. Edited January 28, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
OceanBlues132017 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I understand why you are having trouble letting go. As women, our emotions rule our worlds. As I don't know all the details of what went on between you two for an entire year and what you two shared, I can't say 100% for sure, but I can tell you what I can see from a general outsiders perspective. He craves attention, and does like you. He wouldn't initiate contact and say what he did, drunk or not, if he didn't. He's most likely comfortable in his current relationship and doesn't want to end what they have. You are fun, you are his secret. Secrets are fun and exciting... but they don't end up being fun anymore when it turns into more. As much as he is attracted to you and enjoys your company, he doesn't want more. It's something I've seen over and over again. Men want what they can't have. You're best to have moved on and dropped everything. He's not worth hurting over if he's not willing to be open and honest with you. He's not worth it if you're not 100% of what he wants and is willing to show you that. I hope you find your happiness with someone that does, whether it's your current relationship or not. Best of luck to you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 It's time to focus on you and not him. You helped create this mess by actively pursuing and flirting/welcoming his ego feed advances. You both got something out it, though you let your heart and emotions take over. Whatever that was is over and it's best you forget and move on, don't waste anymore time thinking of him or missing him as he isn't missing you! Ego is not feelings nor is it fun especially when you get burned. What about your boyfriend in all this? You allowed yourself to fall for another man who was married while in a relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) Trying to figure out this other person is fools gold OP, because you--and anyone else--never will be able to. If you insist on trying until you figure it out, you will go down an endless never-ending rabbit hole. (A lot of people on here seem to keep trying to do it though, banging their heads on a wall that will never break, and it is why they are in affairs lasting 5, 6, 7+ years, and they are never really getting out. But I digress.) You instead need to take a hard look at YOUR actions and wonder why you let this guy get inside YOUR boundaries. Not only have you been pining over another woman's husband, but you also cheated on your boyfriend at least emotionally by devoting all this energy towards your coworker. Meanwhile, you need to do the right thing by your boyfriend and break up with him. Edited January 29, 2018 by Imajerk17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Like many others he was just flirting at work to raise his self esteem and then taking those feelings home to his girl. Men and women do it. He meant it when he said he was only being friendly. Sorry you got hurt. Are you still with your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
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