jaclynxox89 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) Just wanted to share my story.. I haven't been on this site in years. Last time I was on this website I was in my early 20's infatuated with a married man who promised me the whole world, promised me that we would get married and have a family one day... I was just now looking back on those posts from years ago thinking of how foolish I sounded back then. It wasn't just a married man... his "marriage" wasn't a marriage at all. We were all co-workers; the MM, his wife, and I all together at a restaurant. His wife was sleeping with the busboy, had another boyfriend, etc. It was no secret. She was very vocal about it. I'm not even sure why they were still married... I thought that he was the victim of the marriage with his "wife". Even though his "wife" didn't know about our relationship as we wanted it to be private in the workplace, I was totally infatuated with him. He was my first love, the one that I gave my everything to. I was certain that they were going to divorce and we would live happily ever after. 4 years into our relationship, my whole world came crashing down. I found out that he was also in another "very serious relationship" with another waitress that quit her job 2 years before I found out about it (another coworker told me that she seen them at a restaurant together. I checked his phone soon after that and it was true - I never checked his phone before). So that means they were together AT LEAST 2 years of our 4 year relationship. After that day that I found out, He NOT ONCE ever spoke to me again at work. I quit my job 8 months after we "broke up" and he never said a word to me. No explanation. Nothing. I went into a depression thinking to myself why wasn't I good enough? He seemed so happy with me... He was not the victim at all. He was a player. A good one. A year later, I moved in with my grandmother (2012) due family circumstances (we lost our home and I needed a place to live). She lived 40 minutes away and I barely even visited her. But when I moved in with her, I discovered there was a cute guy that lived upstairs from her the past 10 years. My grandmother was in love with him.. she was encouraging us to go out together (they were close because he always came downstairs to say hello, or check in on her). Basically, we hit it off and have been married since 2014. Never once have I ever doubted my husband. I've never not felt this loved in my entire life. Since we've been together since 2013, I still get those butterfly feeling. We will be buying a home together in the next 6 months and will be trying for our first baby soon. The reason why I am posting this here is because there is quite the possibility that this may be happening with someone else being the OM or OW. I'm not expecting anyone to read my story and do the right thing, but your probably going to have to live and learn anyway. Now that I am out of the hole of being the OW, I feel like a free spirit. I'm not hiding anything from anyone. I'm doing better than I ever was. I have a husband that is proud to show me off. When you are the "other person" more often than not, nothing is ever going to escalate from being that OW or OM. The sooner that you can get out of being the other person, the sooner you will find your true soulmate. Yeah.. I thought that the MM was my soulmate too. Then I learned he was a very good liar in another relationship, and was hooking up with another girl too on the side (I found that out months later). You really can't trust the MM/MW until their actions speak louder than their words. Unless they divorce their real partner and give you their all, if you are feeling any kind of doubt - please trust your gut. Edited January 10, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Inserted spaces..... ~ V 22 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 i am glad you came back and shared this story...such a positive one......i wish you all the best in your marriage and your future...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Origin Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Very happy for you and thank you so much for sharing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hurtinlove Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Thank you for posting this !! Positive recovery stories are much needed here. It's really inspiring to hear your happy beginnings! Congratulations and best wishes for your future family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 YOur story is a great inspiration for all those who are the OM/OW. Thank you for taking the time to come back and share it. The OTHER status is never going to change. Once you realise you were being played, you wake up. Unfortunately it takes some of us longer than others. Have a wonderful life, Poppy 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaclynxox89 Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 YOur story is a great inspiration for all those who are the OM/OW. Thank you for taking the time to come back and share it. The OTHER status is never going to change. Once you realise you were being played, you wake up. Unfortunately it takes some of us longer than others. Have a wonderful life, Poppy Hi Poppy, Yes that was exactly what I was trying to put into words. I wouldn't have believed it when someone told me years ago, but it took living and learning to realize. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
holms Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I'm going through a similar situation right now. This may get long. I met a woman on a dating site last year. The night we met she did disclose that she is married but separated for years. However, they did still live in the same house together with their daughter but in separate rooms. Normally I would have just called it a night right there but I had gotten out of a 13 year relationship that was pretty much the same. We slept separately, and aside from family functions with the kids here and there we lived separately. So I understood where she was coming from. She had dated others over 5 or 6 years and so did he. It all started when she looked at his phone and caught him cheating from what she told me. She left, he begged her to come back, she did and cheated on him almost right away and it just went to a marriage for show from there to keep the house and take care of their daughter, much like mine had been. When me and this woman started dating we started strong and fast. We both fell for each other pretty hard (Or so I thought) and talked and texted constantly. She did keep me a bit of a secret at first but some of her friends and family knew. To keep it short I will say that we had a great 2017 together, and I mean great. Connection was there, we enjoyed each others company, and the sex was phenomenal. And she even filed for an official Divorce 2 months ago. Talked about moving closer to me so that I could spend more nights with her during the week and still be able to get to work. Then New Years happened. She took me to a party and I actually met her Uncle and his wife. Her aunt is the first one to have known about me so she was excited to meet me finally. The night went great, until midnight. I got a "Happy New Years" text from my ex (Mother of my kids) and she saw it and flipped out on me in the middle of the party. After a short argument I just left and went back to the hotel we were staying at. She showed up about 2 hours later and went right to bed. The next morning she woke up pretty hung over but I had not slept all night. She acted like nothing had happened and I started telling her what she did was unacceptable, filling in the gaps. She generally felt sorry, expressed it, and said she was completely ashamed of herself. We parted ways that morning and later on I started getting the "I'm so sorry texts". I told her that I was calmed down and asked her to come over that next weekend and she did. We did have a talk about things and I told her she had some making up to do and we both had a laugh about it in a way. We had sex twice that day and the 2nd was VERY passionate. When she left the room to go to the bathroom, on a hunch from things she had said during the argument on New Years I looked on her phone and there it was.... the dreaded texts. I didn't even have to open the messenger since it was already up and the first thing I see is her texting another man saying "Baby I want you." and he was texting back the same. Disgusted with it all I turned the phone back off and tossed it back down where it was. When she came into the room I was trying my best to keep my cool (Which I did) but started asking some probing questions as the first thing she did was grab her phone. After a while she left the room again to get a soda and I looked at her phone again. She had deleted all the texts I saw before but he had sent back an emoji. I finally asked her point blank "Why do you lie to me?" and her immediate response was "Because I can." as she began collecting up all her stuff and quickly getting dressed to bolt out the door. I called her within minutes and she did answer but proceeded to tell me those texts were set up for me to find as she knew I was snooping on her phone. Now the thing is, until that day I never had, never cared to, or thought I should. Sure I always had some suspicions but until recently she never gave me a reason to think so. We talked for an hour on the phone and she kept reassuring me that it wasn't real and even admitted that it was quite cruel for her to do and again apologized. As I did fall in love with this woman, and she claimed to love me too, she again agreed to come over the next weekend so we could have a serious talk. But got really sick (Her daughter had the Flu all week so she honestly was sick) so we just planned for the weekend after, and I even switched weekends with my kids (on her request) so we could. She had her Christmas Tree and Ornaments in my living room so we were going to take it down and talk. During that off weekend I was still getting the random "I'm sorry" and "I love you" texts but early in the week before the weekend she was to come over she called and just broke it off suddenly. I tried to talk her down but she was set on it. I was again hurt and devastated by her. She claimed that she didn't want a relationship right now but her Profile is back on the dating site. It's blank with no pictures and she hasn't been on line in a week but it's there. I called her a few days later and basically told her to honor the days she set up and to come get her stuff or I was putting it out on the curb on trash day. She did. We did talk some more and aired out some more of our grievances and were hugging tightly. She had her face buried in my chest saying stuff like "I don't know whats wrong with me." and "You're such and amazing man to me and I keep hurting you, I don't want to hurt you anymore." She was even still wearing the Necklace I got her for Christmas and mentioned my pictures were still on her desk at work. I was just so conflicted as I do love this woman but starting to wonder if I love the woman she showed me and not seeing the Red Flags because of the blinders. It's still new for me and I am VERY hurt. She was an amazing woman to me too, until she wasn't. Part of me wants to reach out to her but I know that's the wrong thing to do. I didn't want to lose her, but I didn't want to lose what I thought we had before New Years, now I don't know.... ugh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 You really can't trust the MM/MW until their actions speak louder than their words. Unless they divorce their real partner and give you their all, if you are feeling any kind of doubt - please trust your gut. Just to add to this, you can't trust them even if they do all that. After all, they cheated on the person they made a lifelong commitment to. If they can do it once, they can do it twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Matahari007 Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 So happy for you and how much you have learned from your past experiences. Wishing you the best on your marriage and may you both enjoy many, many years of love, peace, and happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Thank you for posting it out. It does take a lot to come out of it, I am happy that you seem better than ever before.. . Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 I have been posting for years that when you "win" as a OW you get a guy who cheats. Really, not much of a prize, especially when this guy blames his betrayed partner, claims you were the only one (rarely the truth) and doesn't seek out why in his mind cheating was a viable option. It's just a matter of tick tock. OP I'm so happy for you that you didn't allow him to keep you stuck. I guess the fact that you had an opportunity to actually be in a relationship with him it knocked all the shine of of that armor leaving only a rusty lump of dented steel. So many OW/MW don't get that opportunity and continue to fantasize and romanticize Thier MM keeping themselves stuck, years and years gone. Good luck to you the rest of the way 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cullenbohannon Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 (edited) Every story can have a happy ending. Edited January 26, 2018 by Cullenbohannon Link to post Share on other sites
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