Confusedlady77 Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Day 5 of nc for me. I am in a bad marriage and bumped into ex a few months ago (unexpectedly). I have thought about him frequently over the years. The connection was still there but we just chatted. The next day he messaged me and this has been going on for a few months. He expressed some regrets about letting me go at the beginning of the messaging but then it really just turned into friendly chats with some flirting going on. It was fairly obvious he wanted to meet up but I said no, not while I am married and he is in a relationship. We live quite a distance away from each other. Last weekend though we were in quite close proximity to each other (again unplanned) and he wanted me to go to him. I refused for the reasons above and there has been silence since then (from both of us). I am on Day 5 of nc now. My dilemma is that he is part of my extended family so will see him at future family events and it is going to be so awkward. I've no doubt in my mind that last weekend was the absolute end of the texting as he wants more and I don't. But I am just wondering if I should just send a light hearted text (he won't mention anything about the texts as he sweeps everything under the carpet) and let the messaging naturally taper off then between us. I know it will taper off as I know last weekend was the turning point and I've made my decision. I just don't want huge awkwardness in the future. I feel if it naturally peters out then no egos have been hurt (his) and there will be less of a backlash. Any advice would be great. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 It HAS naturally tapered off, sending some light hearted text will start it al off again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedlady77 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Share Posted November 16, 2017 It HAS naturally tapered off, sending some light hearted text will start it al off again. Do you think Elaine? I just want to avoid any future awkwardness. Or am I just fooling myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Unless you really still want something to happen or need continued ego stroking don't text again. If you do there will be more than just akwardness to deal with! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2017 Share Posted November 16, 2017 Do you think Elaine? I just want to avoid any future awkwardness. Or am I just fooling myself. I think you are lonely and you liked the attention and now it has gone you are making up an excuse to get in contact again. Men rarely want women friends, they usually have an agenda, look how quickly he dropped you when sex was off the table for good. He didn't then want to discuss recipes, cute kittens, Trump and the state of the nation did he? Stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedlady77 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Share Posted November 16, 2017 Unless you really still want something to happen or need continued ego stroking don't text again. If you do there will be more than just akwardness to deal with! No I don't want something to happen when I am married and he is with someone. I never lost my feelings for him and when we met up the connection was still there and still as intense, it always has been. In my mind I always thought we would be together at some stage in the future. And now I am furious with myself that I have complicated things within my own failing marriage by allowing myself to have feelings for him again. I allowed myself to fall for the ego boosts, I just can't believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedlady77 Posted November 16, 2017 Author Share Posted November 16, 2017 I think you are lonely and you liked the attention and now it has gone you are making up an excuse to get in contact again. Men rarely want women friends, they usually have an agenda, look how quickly he dropped you when sex was off the table for good. He didn't then want to discuss recipes, cute kittens, Trump and the state of the nation did he? Stay NC. Yes - I think you are 100% right Elaine. I am so lonely in my marriage. I did like the attention because I just felt invisible and he was saying all the things he used to say and all that I imagined he would never say again. I just need to remember what you've said when I get tempted. He definitely didn't want to discuss how my day was :( I will stay NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedlady77 Posted November 17, 2017 Author Share Posted November 17, 2017 Day 6 of NC. Feeling a bit better today. Next counselling session is nearly a week away but maybe that is good to give myself some time and space to really think about things. NC continues. It is tough as ex was filling a really empty void and in my mind I had thought we would end up together eventually (thought this through the years when things started to get rough in my marriage). OH is on his best behaviour but still hasn't sought any anger management and hasn't even asked or remembered that I had my first counselling session this week. Thankfully I am busy this weekend and virtually every weekend up until Christmas so hopefully that will remove the temptation to text. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Fantasies look so much different in reality. So much different that by the time your life explodes and you are picking up the pieces for years to come you will wish you never picked a fantasy for your reality. I too had a marriage that was unhealthy and the affairs both my ex-husband and I put into the marriage has had lasting affects 10 years after our divorce. We both had voids within ourselves we were trying to fill and it's alot of work to discover the reasons for them and how to move forward. I really hope you are able to discover your reasons and not pick the fantasy. Being accountable for your actions and your half of the marriage is going to be tough...self discovery is never an easy journey. Link to post Share on other sites
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