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How to get married woman out of my head?


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 17th November 2017, 10:29 PM   #16
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It will happen if you continue to see her for who she really is and not who you wish she were. Take her off the pedestal and stay out of fantasy land.

She is what I like to call a mind ****er. There's a lot of them out here- male and female.

Don't let anyone play with your head dude!
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Old 18th November 2017, 1:20 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by travelbug1996 View Post
It will happen if you continue to see her for who she really is and not who you wish she were. Take her off the pedestal and stay out of fantasy land.

She is what I like to call a mind ****er. There's a lot of them out here- male and female.

Don't let anyone play with your head dude!
I like your expression travelbug. I was involved with a MIND.....R for almost 10 years. Some days I still wonder whether he ever told me or his wife the truth about anything. What's more, he had been married to her for over 50 years.
How's that? He was consummate.

London, you need to get into counselling. It does not mean your are emotionally weak. DO keep thinking of her as a user and a monster. I hestiate to use the word Narcissist but maybe she was somewhere on the spectrum.
If you go back it will be the same cycle.

Allow yourself some time to heal.

My very best wishes,
Poppy.
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Old 19th November 2017, 2:00 PM   #18
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thanks travelbug and poppy.

Yes Poppy! you are right she is a narcissistic woman, now I started realising that I was foolish not to see her real face.

Sex was so wonderful and the affair excitement put me under the impression that she really loves me but in reality I was just an object for her happiness and an escape from her marital problems.
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Old 20th November 2017, 1:42 AM   #19
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thanks travelbug and poppy.

Yes Poppy! you are right she is a narcissistic woman, now I started realising that I was foolish not to see her real face.

Sex was so wonderful and the affair excitement put me under the impression that she really loves me but in reality I was just an object for her happiness and an escape from her marital problems.
LOndon,

Yes the sex was wonderful until you realise you are nothing more than an outlet.

Don't ever go back and be sucked in for years like I was. I am a highly intelligent, attractive successful career woman. Unfortunately I met xMM just after my husband passed away.

He really knew what he was doing and I was unexperienced.

LIve and learn.

Cheers,
Poppy.
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Old 21st November 2017, 9:15 AM   #20
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I have one piece of advice for you. Tell her husband EVERYTHING. She will never contact you again. The truth shall set you free. Plus he deserves to know what a POS he is married to.
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Old 21st November 2017, 4:06 PM   #21
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I have one piece of advice for you. Tell her husband EVERYTHING. She will never contact you again. The truth shall set you free. Plus he deserves to know what a POS he is married to.
Hi Confused,

Her husband knows everything and I have spoken with him after the DDay. I don't know if he is really a man enough because he said he will never leave his wife after knowing that his wife was talking to me every day for hours since last few years.

I asked the AP so many times that what will happen if your husband find out about our affair and she always said that he will give her divorce instantly because his ego is more important than the relationship. I was under the impression that he will leave her once the affair is out but totally opposite happened.

Once my AP told me that there was a woman her husband used to talk but did not tell me much about this so I can assume its a kind of Hall Pass situation.

I strongly think that she knew that her husband would never leave him even caught us red handed so she was playing a safe game and I was so stupid to fall for a fraud.

They are a family friends so obviously met with my family, after this couple met with my mom; my mom and brother called me and warned me to stay away from them because they are not a nice people and will use me for their own good. Obviously I was under the affair excitement so never listened to anyone and now paying a huge huge price.

The only thing I am regretting most is my time which I wasted on this selfish creature, I had so many chances to have a good and loving woman in my life but every time she pushed me that she really loves me and will be there for me whenever I want. I was totally satisfied and sorting other matters in my life and now I left with broken heart and lost inner peace.

Genuinely I had asked her many times to pick one and I will not say a single word to you but every time she started crying and giving me bull**** stories that she will die without me and I am the only happiness in her life etc.,

As travelbug said:

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Married people LIE.
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Old 16th December 2017, 5:36 PM   #22
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Need advice

Hi Guys!

Just to update you and need some advice from this community.

I did maintain NC strictly and did not allow her to mess with my life again and I was really started to feel better and emotional pain was getting lesser and lesser with the time.

Few days ago she managed to talk with me, I know it was my fault and I should hangup the phone but she begged me to just listen her for 5 mins.

She said that she cannot live without me and she is ready to start a life with me, but the problem is she does not want to live in this area and we have to move somewhere far from London.

I got a very good Job here and if I will move to different city, I will have to resign. I also got my private clients and I can survive on my clients without having my job but I am feeling stupid to resign from a good job and then starting a new life in a different city.

I don't have any serious problem to move to another city but its a big risk, if things will not work out or she comes back to her husband then my life is pretty much over because to do this I will have to cut ties with my friends and families as I am from Asian culture and they don't accept these things. Also it will be a big financial loss for me.

I told her why can't you live here, I will protect you and if you are worried about any threat from your husband then we can go to Police or we can take a non molestation order from court but she said she is afraid and does not want to create any drama.

I really don't know what to do in this situation and if you guys can help me to make my decision.

Thanks in advance.

Last edited by londonlondon; 16th December 2017 at 5:44 PM..
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Old 16th December 2017, 6:03 PM   #23
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London is a huge place. There is no reason to leave the city.

No matter how far you have come at the end of the day, shes still married and its still an affair. The only way you should speak to her again is if she is holding a decree Absolute. Go back to NC, you were doing great.
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Old 16th December 2017, 6:44 PM   #24
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MW drama. Know it well.

Resist the begging next time. They do it because it works. If not with you, OP, with another guy. There's always another guy.

Can't tell you how to get one or any MW out of your head. IME, one day I woke up and they were gone and I can't seem to get one to rent space in there anymore even if I try. They're kinda fun and I hope any interactions help them with whatever is going on in their lives.

Definitely don't consider for one nanosecond uprooting your life for a MW. Take that completely off the table. OK, done.
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Old 16th December 2017, 10:52 PM   #25
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Thanks carhill & PhillyLibertyBelle!

I don't know why I become so stupid and I actually seriously started to think to move to a different city.

Quote:
No matter how far you have come at the end of the day, shes still married and its still an affair. The only way you should speak to her again is if she is holding a decree Absolute. Go back to NC, you were doing great.
PhillyLibertyBelle you are totally right, she is still playing the safe game. Let suppose we move to another city but she is still married to her husband and can go back to him anytime. I am also sure he will always accept her, he already accepted her even knowing that she is having a long term affair with me.
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Old 17th December 2017, 4:07 AM   #26
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LOndon,

Don't even think about moving anywhere or changing your life for her because she won't change hers for you.

Don't let her hoover you back.

Poppy.
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