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Fallen to MM


The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

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Old 30th September 2017, 8:28 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
You haven't done anything wrong except waste your love on someone who doesn't love you back. It's one sided and sure you can ignore my posts and other ones that you're not ready to accept but the bottom line is, you're gonna get hurt and feel quite alone one day when he lives life with his wife, holidays and vacations away. You're setting yourself up for a big hurt. Sadly you'll have to experience it and live through it. Good luck.

I like and enjoy our friendship at the moment, and I might already love him for his personality.

I am not over-the-top wasting, waiting, or even hoping he'll notice or spend more time than what we already do. I can feel that for him, our friendship is being nurtured, and he was actually investing time and effort to keep. And maybe, I was just glad and happy about it, that is why I am enjoying it.

Maybe, what I feel for him (whether it be s love or lust) will change. I am just happy at the moment I feel the need to share - or I'll burst.
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Old 30th September 2017, 8:34 PM   #17
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This guy is married. He may be a cheater, he may not, but why don't you feel you deserve more than to be a mistress?

Focus on finding hobbies or activities with your kids. Become a strong independent woman. Get a divorce if you are so sure you are done with your marriage (please don't bring the whole "divorce is so expensive" excuse...cause that is what that is, an excuse). Find out who YOU are and go live your life....and leave the married guy alone.
As of the moment, I haven;t succumbed nor plan to becoming a mistress.

I have several hobbies, and spend time with my kids.

About being strong, many people who know me says, I am.

About my divorce, I am saving for the lawyer fees.

I know who I am, and by golly, I am living my life to the full!

The whole thing is I am enjoying the company of a friend, and I might already be in love with him, but my options are open - it might change, but one thing is for sure, I am going to nurture cooperatively our friendship, and make the most of it.
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:36 PM   #18
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I haven't done it. Haven't plotted anything to progress to another level. I am enjoying our friendship, immensely.

I believe it was because he was different from the other guys. He never flirted, or maybe, it was his personality, never took advantage, extra nice, so giving and caring.

I don't know if it is the novelty. It's like a high school thing when you just love your friends and enjoy their company and be comfortable like hell, without worrying for anything... maybe, I am in my second childhood (it's just a fun thought, I know).
Please be careful, oldbutcurious. I'm sure that the MM is nice and a good person. That's how a lot of affairs begin, you start by being friends and then the sex and attachment. You think that this guy is different and things will keep going well and they'll keep giving you attention, but things change and they don't keep up the attention and start being complacent or acting hot and cold with you. A lot of times, it ends up being about them. I'm going through this right now with a MM that I get along with so well and always have a good time with. He's been busy and says that he doesn't mean to neglect me, but I know that it doesn't take long to send an email. I think that he's afraid of getting caught, for one thing. It leaves you feeling sad and unimportant. Proceed with caution.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:10 AM   #19
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thanks lftbehind. he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.
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Old 1st October 2017, 2:13 AM   #20
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thanks lftbehind. he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.
You're welcome. I'm just trying to help, so you don't go through the pain that I'm going through. It's good if you can enjoy your friendship.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:51 PM   #21
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he's not flirting nor giving me extra attention, only a friendly attention, that's all.
It's only friendly attention while you are hoping for something more? I'm confused as to what the point of this post is.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 4:56 PM   #22
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if you were married to this man would you want another woman experiencing the relationship you're experiencing with him?
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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:41 PM   #23
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BaileyB, he likes me as a friend, and I am happy with that. We spend some time together as friends would, share life stories and challenges, share insights, advice, etc.

It's worth it.
But, you aren't really his friend. You'd really want to come between him and his wife and break him family up so you can have him to yourself--"grow old with him"--words in your opening post.

It's actually an emotional affair, as @BaileyB and others already noted. Although as there doesn't seem to be any mention how he feels, it may be ONE-SIDED.

MEanwhile, I am curious what you are asking in this thread/why you posted. Is it to draw attention to yourself, to have someone to talk some sense into you, or are you looking for a bunch of 'you go girl!' posts. You should realize that most responses will tend towards critical of you.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 6:10 PM   #24
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MEanwhile, I am curious what you are asking in this thread/why you posted. Is it to draw attention to yourself, to have someone to talk some sense into you, or are you looking for a bunch of 'you go girl!' posts. You should realize that most responses will tend towards critical of you.
I think she posted somewhere either in this thread, or another thread (that she gave links to), that she wants to share, to get it off her chest in other words.

@oldbutcurious: the way you described your feelings towards this man is very similar to the way I felt towards a MM once. It was very strong and intense; even though we were only working together (on a project in a different country with a large NGO) for 3 months, after coming home and no longer seeing him, I cried every day for a good 2 weeks, had no appetite and basically was pretty sick. I was no longer myself for a while. I had the same "it's him or nobody else" feeling, feelings that I didn't have for anybody else (even as I was in love with them ), so I do understand that sometimes connections like this happen.

However, I also think part of the feelings was definitely boosted by the understanding that it was impossible for us to proceed beyond friends (we were, at least in my opinion, extremely appropriate all the way until the very last moment). I accepted that I was hopelessly in love, and he liked me as a friend (unlike your case, he shared a lot about his wife and how they were best friends/in love). But after I calmed down (it tooks months), I realized that had I met him when both he and I were single, I probably would not feel as strongly towards him. Maybe more strongly than the others, but not to the point of feeling sick afterwards and feeling like I could die.

I think you planning to remain friends with a MM is very dangerous. At best, it would eventually make you miserable; at worst, it would also do that, plus help create a broken family (not sure if you specified if they're separated, just read the part that his wife isn't visible via social media/conversations). In my opinion, very passionate feelings can't be turned into a platonic relationships; and once my feelings for them die down, I'm no longer interested in remaining friends, but maybe that's just me, all or none If I were you, I would consider ending the relationship and just cherish the memories you already had; much better than let future events ruin these nice memories when everything is still "innocent".
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:59 AM   #25
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Well, the only thing keeping this from being an affair is him. So you need to ask yourself some hard questions. Are you willing to be the other woman? If you’re not, pull up now because I think by the end of the month, you’ll be going from “we are just good friends” to “I don’t know how it happened.”
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Old 6th October 2017, 1:20 AM   #26
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Me thinks thou doth protest too much.

In almost every post, you say you are just friends.

Who are you trying to convince???

Poppy.
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