Make him come back

[KLove22]

I'm so lost I have no idea what to do and i dont want to make a mistake.

I've been with my fiance for 10 years. A couple of months ago i found out he was cheating on me with a woman he met at work.

 

I met my fiance about 12 years ago, we were friends and that friendship grew into love. We were both 22 when we officially got together, we moved in together a little while later. He wasn't working for a long time, he always either had trouble finding work or keeping a job, so i was the breadwinner. I always pushed him to be his best self and supported him in every way. He eventually wanted to start his own business and i supported him financially in that too, all the while i had two jobs, and was going to school at the same time, i drove myself ragged but we were happy and i wanted to keep it that way. After struggling for almost 2 years, his business eventually took off and became very successful, he then started another business which also became very successful. At this point what i was bringing was a drop in the bucket compared to him, so he came to me and said that he wanted me to stop working, at the time i was happy with this because we just bought a house and he worked from his home office most of the time, and it meant i could spend more time with the man i loved.

 

We remained happy and a couple of years later he proposed and everything seemed to be going good. Recently i noticed a change in his behavior, he started to go on more business trips, he seemed less and less interested in spending time with me, he became secretive with his phone, and he changed the password to his email accounts and facebook, i had a nagging feeling something was wrong, what really drove it home was how disinterested he was in having sex with me, we went from a couple of times a week to 2x a month, and when we did i always initiated and would face constant rejection.

One day after obsessing on why he didn't want to have sex with me, i just straight up asked him if he was sleeping with someone else. He was silent for a while and looked at me and said "yes" and my heart dropped out of my chest. He explained that he was seeing someone else and that he loves her and that he no longer feels the same with me and that we should go our separate ways. He said he was going to pack up his stuff and move out and that he was sorry and i could keep the home. I panicked and begged him not to go, and that we could work it out and i was sorry for whatever i did. He would not budge and left. I did some snooping on his computer and found the women he was leaving me for, and i felt even more helpless and insecure. She is beautiful, with a perfect body, she has thousands of followers on instagram and all the comments are about how beautiful she is. I on the other hand have gained a little bit of weight and no on other than my fiance has ever really said I was beautiful and meant it.

 

I begged and begged for him to come back, the amount of begging i did is pathetic. We planned out whole lives out, where we would live, how many children we would have. Me and this man have been together our whole adults lives and now he threw me away like garbage, but i know him and this is not him, i firmly believe she has some kind of hold on him and that he is not thinking clearly. What can i do to get him back to me?

[BTDT2012]

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position. There is nothing that you can do to make him come back. What I suggest you do now is speak to an attorney to find out whether he has any financial obligation to you. Do you have access to money?

[GorillaTheater]

What can i do to get him back to me?

 

 

The best method I know of is to move on, live your life, and put him in the past. Once you've lost all feelings for him, he may well reappear. And you probably won't care. God loves irony. On the other hand, doing what I've mentioned is what you should be doing in any event.

 

 

I'm sorry for your pain. I promise it will get better.

[sandylee1]

You can't make a man come back to you and you shouldn't want a man who doesn't want to be with you

 

He's made his choice. I would just try and get enough money out of it, considering he suggested you stop work.

[anika99]

It's seems like your most immediate problem is how are you going to survive? You took yourself out of the work market to devote your life to him. How hard will be to get a job that will pay your bills. As you have spent some years living common law with him you might want to check the laws where you live to see if he has any obligation to help you get started over.

 

Never never give up your life for a man, don't ever let yourself be financially dependent on a man. In your situation you devoted yourself entirely to being available to him and look at how it backfired. Some men like the idea of having at woman at home who is always at his beck and call but then he starts to find that same woman boring because she doesn't have a life outside of him.

 

You shouldn't want this guy back, he's a jerk and he's treated you terribly. Don't beg for him back, don't cry when you see him or tell him things like you can't live without him. Start moving on with your life, behave as though he is gone forever. Make friends, date, get a job, work on being the best you can be. That is what will make you more attractive to him but hopefully by that time you will be so full of self confidence that you won't give him the time of day.

[misspalmy]

try not to chase him, guys like the chase, how about working on your self new hair cut make up anything make u feel better about urself,

 

you dont need a cheater, he will do the same to her

[ladydesigner]

(((KLove22))) I'm so sorry you are going through this. Maybe this person is not the person you thought he was, I know my WH wasn't. I know who he is now. It's ok most people in love with their partners will feel the way you do and do the 'pick me dance' it's natural. Maybe the silver lining in this is that your fiancé has given you a glimpse at his character and integrity.

[pheonixrisen]

I'm so lost I have no idea what to do and i dont want to make a mistake.

I've been with my fiance for 10 years. A couple of months ago i found out he was cheating on me with a woman he met at work.

 

I met my fiance about 12 years ago, we were friends and that friendship grew into love. We were both 22 when we officially got together, we moved in together a little while later. He wasn't working for a long time, he always either had trouble finding work or keeping a job, so i was the breadwinner. I always pushed him to be his best self and supported him in every way. He eventually wanted to start his own business and i supported him financially in that too, all the while i had two jobs, and was going to school at the same time, i drove myself ragged but we were happy and i wanted to keep it that way. After struggling for almost 2 years, his business eventually took off and became very successful, he then started another business which also became very successful. At this point what i was bringing was a drop in the bucket compared to him, so he came to me and said that he wanted me to stop working, at the time i was happy with this because we just bought a house and he worked from his home office most of the time, and it meant i could spend more time with the man i loved.

 

We remained happy and a couple of years later he proposed and everything seemed to be going good. Recently i noticed a change in his behavior, he started to go on more business trips, he seemed less and less interested in spending time with me, he became secretive with his phone, and he changed the password to his email accounts and facebook, i had a nagging feeling something was wrong, what really drove it home was how disinterested he was in having sex with me, we went from a couple of times a week to 2x a month, and when we did i always initiated and would face constant rejection.

One day after obsessing on why he didn't want to have sex with me, i just straight up asked him if he was sleeping with someone else. He was silent for a while and looked at me and said "yes" and my heart dropped out of my chest. He explained that he was seeing someone else and that he loves her and that he no longer feels the same with me and that we should go our separate ways. He said he was going to pack up his stuff and move out and that he was sorry and i could keep the home. I panicked and begged him not to go, and that we could work it out and i was sorry for whatever i did. He would not budge and left. I did some snooping on his computer and found the women he was leaving me for, and i felt even more helpless and insecure. She is beautiful, with a perfect body, she has thousands of followers on instagram and all the comments are about how beautiful she is. I on the other hand have gained a little bit of weight and no on other than my fiance has ever really said I was beautiful and meant it.

 

I begged and begged for him to come back, the amount of begging i did is pathetic. We planned out whole lives out, where we would live, how many children we would have. Me and this man have been together our whole adults lives and now he threw me away like garbage, but i know him and this is not him, i firmly believe she has some kind of hold on him and that he is not thinking clearly. What can i do to get him back to me?

 

Sorry you are in this situation .

 

You cannot make him come back .you cannot make him love you

You cannot control his actions .you can just control you .your reaction

 

He is gone .now keep emotion aside and revisit them later it's time to get smart .and time to fight for half of every thing.

 

He is not a child that someone has a hold on him he fell in love .and fell out of love with you.these things happen people outgrow each other

 

Get smart now.accept the situation the faster the better.

[l8estnews]

you dont need a cheater, he will do the same to her

 

This might not be a popular opinion but I want my answer to be grounded in reality. I mean, this is a broken world where people who commit "wrongdoings" still find themselves in a very happy place. There's a huge possibility that him and his new chick will definitely work out. Him being happy with her and will be left unscathed after this break-up. The betrayed people, the losing side, the left behinds are so obsessed with vindication, revenge, false hope or just plain karma for the lovers who wronged them which just makes it difficult to move on.

 

Reality is: People fall out of love. People find new love even if they are in a long term relationship. Good example is Justin Theroux who was with Heidi Bivens for 14 years without marriage but when he met Jennifer Aniston, he got hitched to her after just 2 years if I am not mistaken. I can only imagine the pain Heidi must have felt when she heard the news about his lover of 14 years marrying another girl he basically "just met."

 

So what's my point?

 

1.) Just feel the pain of the loss. You lost the love of your life. In this situation, you are the only one left who is still in love, and he's feelings are now gone. And even if it is unfair, even if it's unjust, you will only be the one who will the despair of the break up. And that's painful. Pain demands to be felt. Accept this situation because it is basically it. Love is a gamble. And you've lost in this one.

 

2.) Cut all contact with that person. It will help if you can chuck ALL the things that reminds you of him. If you can move to another place, do it. Make a fresh start. Erase his number and his social media. And his friends too. Try to hide all the news feeds of ALL POSSIBLE people who will show pictures of him and his new girl. That will just give you unnecessary pain.

 

3.) Don't wait for any kind of news about him and her not working out. Whatever fate lies with this relationship, whether good or bad, shouldn't matter to you anymore.

 

4.) Be wise in emotionally investing in the future. Always, ALWAYS leave a huge amount of love to yourself, so even if your future relationships won't work out again, it won't sting you like this anymore.

 

5.) Exercise and go to the gym again. Not for him to comeback, but for you to better yourself. There's ALWAYS a new person who will make you feel brand new:)