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Decipher this text for me................

Ladysunshine16

By Ladysunshine16,
in The Other Man / Woman

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Ladysunshine16

Ladysunshine16

Posted
Posted

First-time poster here and interested in any thoughts on WHAT this text means. I received this from MM after 6 months of NC (which took me FOREVER to get to that point after lots of false starts...............I was just READY). We left on somewhat good terms, considering.

 

Him: Hi, how are you doing these days? I had some free time this weekend and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and catch up?

 

Me: Hi, I am doing great! I am afraid I cannot meet you, but I do hope you are also doing well.

 

Him: Thanks. Best Wishes!

 

 

If he TRULY wanted to know how I was and this was NOT a ploy, wouldn't he have tried to find out more via text? WHY am I doing well - did I get a promotion? Did I win the lottery? Did I just go on a month-long tropical vacation? If he truly wanted to know about me and how I was doing, and I declined for whatever reason to meet him, wouldn't he still try to find out via the message he started after NC for 6 months? It almost made me feel even more validated with my decision to once and for all go NC. I have always thought it was all about him. Am I right thinking it IS all about him, as evidenced by this message??? And WTH after SIX months?!? I honestly thought I would never hear from him again - and was finally getting along quite well I might add.

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SoleMate

SoleMate

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Just a quick and easy ping to:

 

* ease his conscience ever so slightly (see, it really was a friendship and we catch up like friends)

* keep you warm for possible restart

* check anger/frustration level to make sure you're not planning a D-day reveal

* relieve boredom

* mess with your head

* have sex this weekend

 

or some combination of the above. Actually I suggest the booty call motivation is overwhelming.

 

I'm sure you deserve better than to be dancing on his puppet strings, so I would recommend hard NC on all media and all portals.

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Grammie

Grammie

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Yes, my guess would be he wanted to hook up this weekend...not to catch up.

 

When you said you couldn't, he didn't waste anymore time on the conversation. He got the info he wanted.

 

Now you can delete the message and continue on with your life.

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Sampson

Sampson

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Inflate his ego

Attempt to restart

Seeing if you still would talk to him (hadn't seen him as a monster to his wife)

...... on and on..

 

But what is definately wasn't is that of someone who really cared, he could have cared less how you were doing, however when you responded you wouldn't meet he wanted to be the one who was "oh just offering, being nice" and not "REJECTED BY YOU" which would have damaged that ego.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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First-time poster here and interested in any thoughts on WHAT this text means. I received this from MM after 6 months of NC (which took me FOREVER to get to that point after lots of false starts...............I was just READY). We left on somewhat good terms, considering.

 

Him: Hi, how are you doing these days? I had some free time this weekend and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and catch up?

 

Me: Hi, I am doing great! I am afraid I cannot meet you, but I do hope you are also doing well.

 

Him: Thanks. Best Wishes!

 

 

If he TRULY wanted to know how I was and this was NOT a ploy, wouldn't he have tried to find out more via text? WHY am I doing well - did I get a promotion? Did I win the lottery? Did I just go on a month-long tropical vacation? If he truly wanted to know about me and how I was doing, and I declined for whatever reason to meet him, wouldn't he still try to find out via the message he started after NC for 6 months? It almost made me feel even more validated with my decision to once and for all go NC. I have always thought it was all about him. Am I right thinking it IS all about him, as evidenced by this message??? And WTH after SIX months?!? I honestly thought I would never hear from him again - and was finally getting along quite well I might add.

 

Why after 6 months of NC did you fall for his 'line' and answer him? Block him or change your number. Anyway, he means exactly what he said. He had the time for you and hoped you could meet him aka a booty call.

 

Don't over think this! Get back into NC mode and IGNORE him if he contacts you again.

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FoundMyStrength

FoundMyStrength

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I had some free time this weekend and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and catch up?

 

I'm with all the others who have weighed in. This is clearly a booty call. If he really cared how you were, he'd ask you some follow-up questions, or try to pursue another, less overtly risky way of catching up like a phone or having lunch or coffee. Wife away for the weekend = booty call.

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anika99

anika99

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I think your thinking is correct. Yes it is all about him and his ego and his wants. He didn't really care about how you are or what you're doing. He just wanted to see if you were up for a bit of fun in, a roll in the hay.

 

Good for you for not agreeing to meet with him and not inviting anymore conversation with him. I bet your reply was a bit of a slap to the face for him. Relish the fact that in the end it was as you who refused him and then block every means of contact from him. You're on the right path.

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aileD

aileD

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Him:Hi, how are you doing these days? I had some free time this weekend and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and catch up?

 

Translation: "hi, I'm pretending to care about how you're doing these days because I'm bored in my marriage again and I want to see if you wanted to hang out without clothes and get pulled in to my world again so I can have regular side sex again"

 

Your response should have been....

 

You:

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Sampson

Sampson

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Every time you answer a text or have contact with him and respond it inflates his ego no matter what the context is and it resets everyone to square one. What's the term I am looking for...... Ghost him

 

I see it now in the future you will get another message. Maybe not so blunt but this time, hey just wanted to talk.. back and forth for a little while then meeting, and right back into fantasy land you both will be.... go dark he will find another person to leech. You are worth more.

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bathtub-row

bathtub-row

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The text was about stirring up your emotions again. Even if you didn't answer or didn't agree to see him, he accomplished what he wanted to -- which was to make you start thinking about him again and about the time the two of you spent together. Then, if he contacts you again, he thinks that you'll have softened up and likely be more receptive because, by then, you'll have been thinking about him more and more. Or he's hoping that you'll think about it for awhile and then contact him. Either way, he knows he has disrupted your world in one way or another.

 

I agree with the others -- you would've been better off not responding. And if you feel the need to respond, I wouldn't act so cheerful or responsive. Perhaps answering, "I'm fine, but why would we need to meet up? You're still married, right?" Big difference.

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aileD

aileD

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The text was about stirring up your emotions again. Even if you didn't answer or didn't agree to see him, he accomplished what he wanted to -- which was to make you start thinking about him again and about the time the two of you spent together. Then, if he contacts you again, he thinks that you'll have softened up and likely be more receptive because, by then, you'll have been thinking about him more and more. Or he's hoping that you'll think about it for awhile and then contact him. Either way, he knows he has disrupted your world in one way or another.

 

I agree with the others -- you would've been better off not responding. And if you feel the need to respond, I wouldn't act so cheerful or responsive. Perhaps answering, "I'm fine, but why would we need to meet up? You're still married, right?" Big difference.

 

I wouldn't even be that polite.

 

Him: (texts crap)

Her: are you still married?

Him: yeah but.....

Her: (ghost)

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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Translation: "hi, I'm pretending to care about how you're doing these days because I'm bored in my marriage again and I want to see if you wanted to hang out without clothes and get pulled in to my world again so I can have regular side sex again"

 

Your response should have been....

 

You:

 

I actually like what she said because it was so neutral that he'll feel she no longer cares. I feel like with silence he might of thought she's mad at him and still cares. The best goal is indifference and I think that is what she showed. However, he probably didn't realize it/is unaffected by it; seems the conversation in his head was more like, "My wife's not watching so can I get some sex? No? OK, bye!"

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Southern Sun

Southern Sun

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First-time poster here and interested in any thoughts on WHAT this text means. I received this from MM after 6 months of NC (which took me FOREVER to get to that point after lots of false starts...............I was just READY). We left on somewhat good terms, considering.

 

Him: Hi, how are you doing these days? I had some free time this weekend and wanted to see if you wanted to hang out and catch up?

 

Me: Hi, I am doing great! I am afraid I cannot meet you, but I do hope you are also doing well.

 

Him: Thanks. Best Wishes!

 

 

If he TRULY wanted to know how I was and this was NOT a ploy, wouldn't he have tried to find out more via text? WHY am I doing well - did I get a promotion? Did I win the lottery? Did I just go on a month-long tropical vacation? If he truly wanted to know about me and how I was doing, and I declined for whatever reason to meet him, wouldn't he still try to find out via the message he started after NC for 6 months? It almost made me feel even more validated with my decision to once and for all go NC. I have always thought it was all about him. Am I right thinking it IS all about him, as evidenced by this message??? And WTH after SIX months?!? I honestly thought I would never hear from him again - and was finally getting along quite well I might add.

 

Oh my god, this is so freaking transparent.

 

He was fishing. Going fishing.

 

He didn't TRULY want to know anything about you. He wanted to know if you were down. He wanted to know if he could hit it again. Previous OW are easier than new ones.

 

The text is extremely low-energy, low-investment. He was willing to risk a no-response from you, even a BAD response from you, because, who cares? It's a text!

 

I actually LOVE your reply. It shows you are not affected by him at all. I'm doing great! And no, thank you. Not interested. Seeeee ya.

 

Love it.

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sandylee1

sandylee1

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Posted

It's definitely a booty call. He's got some free time and can fit you in.

 

Apart from ignoring him, your response was fine. Asking if he's still married as has been suggested, would indicate that you still give a damn.

 

Another response could have been "I'm away with my boyfriend this weekend."

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AlmostFamous

AlmostFamous

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I think there isn't any more to it that he asking you t meet,you said no,done! he accepted and is moving on. I don't think you will hear from him again unless you have known him a long time and he is the type that comes and goes and you respond when he gets in touch with you. Hope that helps you,good luck.

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Ladysunshine16

Ladysunshine16

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I think there isn't any more to it that he asking you t meet,you said no,done! he accepted and is moving on. I don't think you will hear from him again unless you have known him a long time and he is the type that comes and goes and you respond when he gets in touch with you. Hope that helps you,good luck.

 

Well, I met him when I was a teenager and we kept in touch through the years, though not really "reconnecting" and having any kind of regular communication until years later, so yes, I've known him for a long time. A lifetime, pretty much. I guess I am trying to prepare myself for if I DO hear from him again...............but thinking maybe he won't after the way we left it. I would almost be relieved if I didn't.

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Ladysunshine16

Ladysunshine16

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The only reason I replied at all was because I thought we left things on pretty good terms. Nobody was yelling, screaming, crying............ though those things happened with some of the earlier false starts and attempts at NC. It seemed like this time we both just knew it was time to move along. I really thought he would be HAPPY for me that I WAS and AM doing well............finally at peace with things. Why can't he just be happy for me??? Maybe he is, it just didn't come out that way with the abrupt text. Though I know it's hard to read tone into a text.

 

I have no idea if I will hear from him again or if that was the curtain closer for him. I have known him since I was a teenager as I told one of the other posters, so known him almost all of my life. As teens, we were close to getting married after HS, so it wasn't like a random relationship somewhere. WE broke up and went on to live our lives and kept in touch from a distance throughout the years, only recently really "reconnected" per se.

 

I honestly thought he would be happy to hear that I was happy :((( I do get the feel he was NOT looking to just catch up, but more. I'm glad I was on target with my instincts after hearing the same from so many on this board.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Well, I met him when I was a teenager and we kept in touch through the years, though not really "reconnecting" and having any kind of regular communication until years later, so yes, I've known him for a long time. A lifetime, pretty much. I guess I am trying to prepare myself for if I DO hear from him again...............but thinking maybe he won't after the way we left it. I would almost be relieved if I didn't.

 

But you don't "know" him in a sense of being in his daily life. You only see what you want to see and also what he shows you.

 

SO, why don't YOU end it and tell him not to contact you anymore? Block him or change your number/email etc. You're allowing him the power, way too much power.

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Ruffian1

Ruffian1

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He wants to pound you one more time

I don't blame him I would try as well

 

Keeping it classy.:sick:

 

 

OP:

You did fine with your response. Try not to overthink it.

What ever he wanted, you handled with class and politeness.

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Southern Sun

Southern Sun

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I can tell you're upset, and I would be too, given your background with this guy.

 

Even so...he still sounds like he was looking for something easy.

 

Had he been interested in more, you're right - he would have probed. He might have picked up the phone. He wouldn't have just jumped right in with, hey, wanna hang out? You hadn't spoken in 6 months and had had a relationship. He probably would have started with acknowledging that at the very least.

 

So you expected more from him and you are right to do so. If he was looking for something decent, he would have shown you effort. And he didn't.

 

There was a reason you went NC on him 6 months ago. Recall that, know that you were kind and reasonable with him this time, and let him go. He's not offering anything different.

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