Does MM think about the OW?

[Hersheys]

I want to know if MM even think about his OW when he's at home or say when he's not with his OW? or MM, as with most men, seem to have this ability to compartmentalize things and be in the moment?

[Cloudcuckoo]

I want to know if MM even think about his OW when he's at home or say when he's not with his OW? or MM, as with most men, seem to have this ability to compartmentalize things and be in the moment?

 

I understand it might be perplexing, but really, what difference does it make? He's at home where he's supposed to be, living his real life with his wife and family.

 

Whether you cross his mind or not doesn't change the fact that he's a self centred wassack who wants it all, and when he's with you, he concentrates on that, and when he's at home, he concentrates on that I would wager.

 

You're right of course, he is capable of separating and compartmentalising his real life and his fantasy bubble. That's how a married man has his cake and eats it.

 

I can tell you from my own perspective that my husband never gave either me or his other woman a thought when he was with whichever one of us. I believe it's how they actual manage the whole treachery thing in the first place.

 

Life is short my lovely, live yours wisely and if you can get out of this mess before it crucifies you, do try. Really hard.

[Adoraxx]

I want to know if MM even think about his OW when he's at home or say when he's not with his OW? or MM, as with most men, seem to have this ability to compartmentalize things and be in the moment?

 

I don't think my xMM ever thinks about me. He said (some time ago) that he at least thinks of me once every day. Wow, that's so often!! (I'm being sarcastic now ). He also said (on another occasion) that he doesn't think about me when he is doing things but that he does think about me when he's in the bathroom (how flattering - again, sarcastic!!)

 

yes, I think men are able to compartmentalize very well, and on top of that (in my case) I'm simply not important to him

[Cloudcuckoo]

I don't think my xMM ever thinks about me. He said (some time ago) that he at least thinks of me once every day. Wow, that's so often!! (I'm being sarcastic now ). He also said (on another occasion) that he doesn't think about me when he is doing things but that he does think about me when he's in the bathroom (how flattering - again, sarcastic!!)

 

yes, I think men are able to compartmentalize very well, and on top of that (in my case) I'm simply not important to him

 

Take heart Adoraxx and remind yourself daily that you ARE important. To all those who know and love you. Married man didn't love you the way a person with integrity and a sense of honour should.

 

And remember, the only important person to him was..him....

[privategal]

Yes, he thinks of you. Yes, sometimes he compartmentalizes his thoughts in order to minimize guilt.

In my opinion the thoughts of the ow are not as romantic as ow would like to think...I believe they are selfish fantasy, more ego boosts type of feeling like she is that new suit that makes you feel good, she is that ticket to a football game or concert....she's temporary entertainment. Easy to pick up and put down.

In a woman's heart, loving thoughts grow roots and we feed them and build on them. For MM they are just fillers, they don't go deep, they're just a passing good feeling that's unattached and therefore easy to drop and leave behind.

[Got it]

Yes he thought of me when he was home. Yes I thought of him when I was home. We were on each other's minds a lot.

[Adoraxx]

Take heart Adoraxx and remind yourself daily that you ARE important. To all those who know and love you. Married man didn't love you the way a person with integrity and a sense of honour should.

 

And remember, the only important person to him was..him....

 

Thank you Cloudcuckoo, that means a lot to me and I'll make sure to save this post

[Rikki67]

I sure hope he thinks about me. We live next door to each other. And I know he would love for me to leave, so he wouldn`t have to feel guilty anymore.

He thinks about me when he is with his wife on the weekends, and he thinks about me during the week, when he sits alone next door, and he cannot come to me anymore.

He made his bed. Now go lay in it. Damn Coward!

[Jemima1234]

Mine told me he thinks about me when he isn't busy but he tries to put thoughts aside and focus on what's in front of him! Compartmentalising for definite!!! Hurts to hear and wish I could do that!

[Forever broken]

I always thought he did. But now I know he thought of me when ever he needed some ass. I was always an option.

[starswewillnavigate]

Yes, he thinks of you. Yes, sometimes he compartmentalizes his thoughts in order to minimize guilt.

In my opinion the thoughts of the ow are not as romantic as ow would like to think...I believe they are selfish fantasy, more ego boosts type of feeling like she is that new suit that makes you feel good, she is that ticket to a football game or concert....she's temporary entertainment. Easy to pick up and put down.

In a woman's heart, loving thoughts grow roots and we feed them and build on them. For MM they are just fillers, they don't go deep, they're just a passing good feeling that's unattached and therefore easy to drop and leave behind.

 

exactly this Privategal - temporary entertainment is exactly what it is for the MM. I can't see how any woman can not disentangle the physical from the emotional.

 

To answer the OPs question, I think initially I was in his thoughts a lot - my xMM would msg me from home/work/first thing/last thing at night, when everything was new and exciting and he was chasing. On his days off he would still msg and he would tell me if he couldn't chat. Then it became only at work. Now he throws me a few scraps occasionally when he's bored at work, but not much else. It really is when he needs an ego boost or because I'm there. I doubt he considers me any other time. I'm just there.

[muchlovetogive]

When he was still living at home, MM called me when he went to walk the dogs or go pick up something from the supermarket. Also during July 4 BBQ at their house, he texted that he wished he was BBQing with me.

[Tayla]

Sure! When we have a forbidden ( temptation) we go thru the longing.

 

Then when rational and clear values are recouped.. The action subsides.

[ladydesigner]

I want to know if MM even think about his OW when he's at home or say when he's not with his OW? or MM, as with most men, seem to have this ability to compartmentalize things and be in the moment?

 

I think they do but what difference does it make if nothing is happening with the R. If it never turns into a full time R does it matter if they are thinking about you or not?

[aileD]

I would say yes they do. Because the OW is a fantasy. A daydream. So when they're at home and mowing the lawn, doing the dishes and dealing with kids and sports and school and all the monotonies (sp?) of daily life, of course they think about the OW. She's the one that they don't have to deal with real life with, the one who only gives him her mind her body when she's around and doesn't ask him to pick up his socks off the floor or take out the trash. The one he can meet and hide from the rest of his responsibilities with.

 

It's a fantasy world. We all daydream about fantasies

[cocorico]

I want to know if MM even think about his OW when he's at home or say when he's not with his OW?

 

I think it varies case by case. Some will, others won't. In our case, we were in constant contact throughout the day, so I'm guessing he did. Not because it was any kind of "fantasy", but because I was the one he shared stuff with, and vice versa.

[jenkins95]

I thought of my ow a lot during my A. I had genuine feelings for her. A year after the end of the A, I still think about her and wish her nothing but the best.

 

I know the goal is indifference after an A, but I am certain I will never reach that and am not sure if I even want to. We shared something very deep and the bond was strong, however wrong it was and however much people got hurt. I will never forget her.

 

As time goes on, the memories will become less painful, I may even be able to eventually visit some of them with some fondness and warmth (however sickening this may be for bs to read - sorry if so). They will eventually find their right place in my psyche to be visited occasionally, but not obsessed over.

 

I am fully committed to reconciliation and I regret the affair bitterly, but I can't change the fact that it happened and I can't force the thoughts out of my head even though I tried to for a long while - months. one thing I am learning is that I find it much easier, instead of fighting it, to allow those thoughts an appropriate place somewhere in the back of my mind where they nag me much less than if i try to push them away altogether.

 

It's a journey guys, and we're on the right track - we will get there, together!

[jenkins95]

For MM they are just fillers, they don't go deep, they're just a passing good feeling that's unattached and therefore easy to drop and leave behind.

 

Not in all cases pg - I can promise you that from personal experience. In fact, i'd be very surprised if any simply walk away and forget instantly. Men can be cowards and run away and go silent. But they can't run away from what's in their own heads. I think a lot of ow may be quite surprised how much their xMM really think about them.

 

Feeling a bit low tonight - nice to feel you all here with me

[goodyblue]

Yes he thought of me when he was home. Yes I thought of him when I was home. We were on each other's minds a lot.

 

Same. We were never out of contact either.

[OldLady]

I thought of my ow a lot during my A. I had genuine feelings for her. A year after the end of the A, I still think about her and wish her nothing but the best.

 

I know the goal is indifference after an A, but I am certain I will never reach that and am not sure if I even want to. We shared something very deep and the bond was strong, however wrong it was and however much people got hurt. I will never forget her.

 

As time goes on, the memories will become less painful, I may even be able to eventually visit some of them with some fondness and warmth (however sickening this may be for bs to read - sorry if so). They will eventually find their right place in my psyche to be visited occasionally, but not obsessed over.

 

I am fully committed to reconciliation and I regret the affair bitterly, but I can't change the fact that it happened and I can't force the thoughts out of my head even though I tried to for a long while - months. one thing I am learning is that I find it much easier, instead of fighting it, to allow those thoughts an appropriate place somewhere in the back of my mind where they nag me much less than if i try to push them away altogether.

 

It's a journey guys, and we're on the right track - we will get there, together!

Jenkins95. Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. You described my feelings to a "t".

[Adoraxx]

Not in all cases pg - I can promise you that from personal experience. In fact, i'd be very surprised if any simply walk away and forget instantly. Men can be cowards and run away and go silent. But they can't run away from what's in their own heads. I think a lot of ow may be quite surprised how much their xMM really think about them.

 

Feeling a bit low tonight - nice to feel you all here with me

 

Am I stupid for wishing that my xMM would be on a forum posting on his thoughts and feelings? ;-) He would never do that so that's a funny thought! Not saying that YOU're funny, Jenkins, I appreciate your posts a whole lot and it's comforting to read how you feel about it . Sadly my xMM is nothing like you

 

Hope you'll have a better day today!!

[lemondrop21]

Sometimes when I get these thoughts, where I wonder if he's thinking of me, I manage to push them away by saying to myself, who cares??? What does it matter if he's thinking of me, really? He's there. I'm here. He isn't leaving to be with me. His thoughts can do nothing for me.

[Chica80]

I thought of my ow a lot during my A. I had genuine feelings for her. A year after the end of the A, I still think about her and wish her nothing but the best.

 

I know the goal is indifference after an A, but I am certain I will never reach that and am not sure if I even want to. We shared something very deep and the bond was strong, however wrong it was and however much people got hurt. I will never forget her.

 

As time goes on, the memories will become less painful, I may even be able to eventually visit some of them with some fondness and warmth (however sickening this may be for bs to read - sorry if so). They will eventually find their right place in my psyche to be visited occasionally, but not obsessed over.

 

I am fully committed to reconciliation and I regret the affair bitterly, but I can't change the fact that it happened and I can't force the thoughts out of my head even though I tried to for a long while - months. one thing I am learning is that I find it much easier, instead of fighting it, to allow those thoughts an appropriate place somewhere in the back of my mind where they nag me much less than if i try to push them away altogether.

 

It's a journey guys, and we're on the right track - we will get there, together!

 

Thank you for posting this. Sometimes I think we try to put A MM OW /OM BS in this box. It's not always so simple. Not black and white.

BS don't like to hear that AP meant anything to WS, that it was a ll sex or fog.

I know I mean something to MM. I know we have a bond. Not because of words, what he says. Because of actions.

But I also know he loves W. And that's just the way it is.

[jenkins95]

Sometimes when I get these thoughts, where I wonder if he's thinking of me, I manage to push them away by saying to myself, who cares??? What does it matter if he's thinking of me, really? He's there. I'm here. He isn't leaving to be with me. His thoughts can do nothing for me.

 

Hi Lemon.

 

Big (((hug))). It's been ages!! Missed you.

 

Indeed, who cares. But for what it's worth - Yes - he does think about you. I am certain of it. He got to a situation where things could not go on the way they were and his stress levels were through the roof. He took the default option of staying with his family and throwing OW under the bus. Right or wrong, that decision will torture him for the rest of his life, just as it would have had he left his family. But he will never forget you.

 

And let's be honest - we do care really! Don't we? MM, OW, whatever - we don't want to think they can just flick a switch and forget us.