Keira1231 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 So a few months ago, I was assigned to a work project with other people in my department, whom I didn't know well. It involved going away for a few weeks. So while we were away, I had a really good time with these people (mostly an all-male group aside from myself). One guy in particular, I found really fun - he had a good sense of humour and I didn't think of him as particularly good looking, but I was a little attracted to him. I enjoyed spending time with him, but then I enjoyed spending time with all my colleagues on the project. I'm friendly, but definitely not a flirty person. On our final night, we all went out for drinks to celebrate and got very drunk. We all went back to the hotel. My room was next to his, we said goodnight and I went into my room. A few minutes later and he knocks on my door. I should mention prior to this, I hadn't noticed any particular interest on his side, and I hadn't been flirting or thinking of him in that way as a result. So anyway, we end up in his room, and we start kissing and fumbling around. He suddenly stops things. I assume its because I am his colleague and/or because we are drunk. The next morning we don't discuss it, but things aren't awkward or anything and we act as though nothing has happened. Over the next few weeks I keep in contact and spend time with my newfound friends/colleagues. we go out for drinks, I stop by their desks, I even have a gym session with the aforementioned guy. He isn't flirty with me most of the time, but when he has had a few drinks he is. Initially I assumed he maybe liked me, but was shy or hesitant. In my head, there was no potential for anything to develop and I merely wanted to be friends. Then recently, three of us are having drinks and he suggests we go back to his. I thought in the back of my mind he maybe was hoping we'd hook up, but I ended up spending the night on his sofa and he didn't make a move on me, nor I on him. I was a bit confused because sometimes I felt he was attracted to me and liked me. He would suddenly text me when drunk when other times he would be quite brief. He seemed to hold me at arms length. Then a colleague (who maybe picked up on what he was up to when he asked us back to his flat), told me he had a girlfriend the whole time. So now I don't know what to do. I feel ashamed... because this must be the one thousandth time I have been let down by a guy. Even though I didn't come on strong, show much interest or even get any hopes, I somehow ended up looking like an idiot I feel so ashamed because it's like he only saw me as being good for one thing. Where do I go from here? Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted July 13, 2016 Share Posted July 13, 2016 What is not obvious here? he is only flirty when drunk,even then he doesnt want to go that far because of gf he probably was just drunk,nothing to dwel on Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 Doesn't the term hooked up mean had sex? I may be wrong but from reading your post it sounds like you didn't sleep with him, You were attracted to him and thought he was attracted to you, nothing wrong with that. Only you found out that he has a girlfriend. So now you know why he was hesitant. If he calls you up again tell him the truth that you have found out that he has a girlfriend and that you are nobody's side dish and tell him not to contact you again. Next time, when you are attracted to a guy and it seems like he's attracted to you too don't waste any time asking him straight up " Do you have a girlfriend?" Be prepared to cut your losses early. As for your co-worker, continue as you were, professional and polite. You didn't know he had a girlfriend.....now you do. Link to post Share on other sites
sch Posted July 14, 2016 Share Posted July 14, 2016 You had your fun, you did it innocently and you didn't need to pay for any heart break. You know why you're not heart broken? It's because he's just a guy and there was never anything intimate (real) in the first place, just lots of sexual chemistry. What I can tell you now, is that you have knowledge that he has a girlfriend, so good on him, time to dust off and move on and keep your head high that it was fun but it's not your problem anymore. Think about the girlfriend who will find out one day. If you both ever talk about it, straight up confront him about it and be honest but also don't fall in for traps. Honour your body and your values as a person and always have honest expectations Link to post Share on other sites
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