Confusedwman1981 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 The past month my MM of 6 yrs. has been having problems with his wife regarding how to deal with his troubled adult stepson (drugs, no job, legal issues and sense of entitlement). Actually it's been an ongoing problem for years since he was a teenager. On 3 different occasions MM told me he told his stepson and wife if she continues to support him and not back up MM tough love he will get a divorce. Said he divorced twice before he can do it again. A sharp contrast of what he told me at the beginning of our relationship. He said his family was important to him and didn't want his kids to grow up in a broken home. And one day while having sex he asked me why I liked him and to be honest. And if he was single would I still be with him? This freaked me out. I told him to stop talking crazy he's not getting a divorce. But now if he's around and my phone rings or I get a text he automatically says its "sancho" Spanish for the other man. And reminding me if I am with anyone else it's cheating on him. I am actually finally pulling away from him for real. I am scared he might actually change his martial status and expect to be with me. Which will never happen cause of course I would never trust him. I guess my question is if I am reading to much into his behavior? And for the men why did he ask me those things during sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Its all part of his ego. Feel good about himself and play the affair game with you. You need to stop worry about what he is saying and break this off. A affair is never rigth! And the married person is always using you for his needs only. Once things are going well at home they drop you like garbage. Stop this affair before you get pregnant and so on. And work on your self esteem. Its clear that he see your insecurity and low self esteem and use this type of conversations to keep you busy and along. But in reality he not interested in you. And his priority is his family. You are wasting your time and your body. While you could be with a single man that is into you! Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Run for the hills girl. You have a control freak on your hands. He is getting his kicks knowing he has somebody devoted to him on the side. Don't be that person. You would never trust him in real life. Find somebody you can trust, who will not play stupid control games with you. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Your not the cheater by being with another man...he is the cheater. I hope in the last 6 years you have continued to date. You fear of him leaving his wife and I can fully understand. I would never want to have to worry about my man cheating and he has already proved he is capable. Like they say...once a cheater always a cheater. Move on and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 If he is having bad trouble at home, he could actually be lining you up as a soft place to land. He may not want another divorce, BUT given the chance of you or the ongoing troubled adult stepson issue, then you are looking a pretty good option, I would guess. Troubled teenage stepson - a pain in the butt, but pretty much expected by parents - "He/she will grow out of it". Troubled adult - not so easy to deal with, your MM may indeed want to bail here. If it is your intention to pull away then this may be a good time to do it, as the last thing you would want is to find him homeless on your doorstep one night professing undying love and looking for a place to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Sounds like fishing. Why didn't you tell him the truth and say 'no'? That's a very open statement to say 'you're not getting a divorce' it could be interpreted that should he get a D you'd be willing to consider the idea. Have you made it clear to him that you're not interested in a FT relationship with him? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 He reminds you that if you are with any other man that you are cheating on him. Oh boy! I had to laugh at that one; he is the married one and he has been having an affair with another woman for 6 years, so what does he think he's been doing to his wife? Most other women are with their married man wishing and hoping (sometimes even going as far as giving ultimatums) about divorcing his wife and being in a real relationship with them but you are saying should your married man become single that you do not want to be in a relationship with him. So, why are you with him? You could be doing this with a single man. In this day and age there are tons and tons of single men who want NSA sex, why choose a man who is legally bound to another woman? You say if your married man were to become single you would not be with him because you would not be able to trust him. Hmmmm-Okay! You, yourself can not be trusted either, you played an equal part in the contribution of this affair. The person who has been stabbed in the back is your married man's wife. She has a problematic son who won't get off the drugs and a husband who has been cheating on her for 6 years. The poor woman can't even catch a break. OP, the right thing to do would be to end this affair. Should your married man divorce his wife he can start a relationship with you as a a divorced man. That is the right and honorable thing to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 Every thread you have started has had the same theme. MM is getting more serious but you are indifferent and would be okay with ending the affair. Which is bull because there is no logical reason to have spent the last 6 yrs risking your job and your reputation for a man you don't want. Every thread you express concern about the MM getting too serious, yet you do nothing to put a stop to things. If you don't want the MM then what on earth are you doing this for? You are a woman in her thirties, still young but if you continue on in this affair for another 6 yrs you will be in your forties and things change in the forties. There are less desirable single men, it becomes less likely that you will ever have a baby or marry. If you have decided that you never want to marry, have children or even have a man all to yourself then I guess you are going the right way about doing that, but if you are letting those things slip away all for the sake of this middle aged cheater with multiple marriages under his belt then you are being very foolish. As for this thread, nothing he says means anything. He is obviously having some issues with his wife and he is obviously self entitled and full of himself. He won't stand for you or his wife fooling around with other men but he gets to screw two women, maybe more, for as long as he wants. He is all talk, no action. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedwman1981 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Share Posted June 12, 2016 I have a commitment phobia. I am scared to get hurt and don't allow myself to fully let my guard down to allow a man in. I like the freedom having a sexual relationship with a MM provides. I don't have him around all the time and he can't hurt me because from day one I knew someone else was in the picture. No illusions that I am the one and only only to find out later I wasn't. Every single man I tried to have a no strings attached sexual relationship with end up trying to start a relationship with me. Dealing with MM has helped me be more open and patient with men Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted June 12, 2016 Share Posted June 12, 2016 I have a commitment phobia. I am scared to get hurt and don't allow myself to fully let my guard down to allow a man in. I like the freedom having a sexual relationship with a MM provides. I don't have him around all the time and he can't hurt me because from day one I knew someone else was in the picture. No illusions that I am the one and only only to find out later I wasn't. Every single man I tried to have a no strings attached sexual relationship with end up trying to start a relationship with me. Dealing with MM has helped me be more open and patient with men So when this blows up with a DDay come back to us and tell us you're not hurting. Pain? Honey you're in too deep. You're just fooling yourself. This will hurt like a mother when it crashes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 You could easily get NSA sex from a man who doesn't want a relationship and it doesn't have to be a MM. That's just an excuse. NSA sex is easy to get. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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