lauren_e Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I'm in my early-mid 20's and one of my friends "J" has been good friends with a guy "M" who she met and worked with last summer. He left the job in August but still comes back to visit the company every so often since he lives 2 hours away (and happens to live in J's home state). He's had the same girlfriend since before he met J and is still dating her but they live in different states, probably 5 hours apart. Despite knowing M has a girlfriend, J and M were really good friends when they worked together and I believe that J is trying to make moves on M even though she knows he has a girlfriend. I've noticed J and M have been texting a lot recently and he even came up to attend a big dance/social party last week. The two of them showed up together because he was going to crash at her house afterwards (which was common for people who came from far away to do because the party lasted very late). AT THE PARTY: the entire event seemed weird for them. They'd often look unhappy/awkward around each other and he'd sometimes seem like he didn't want to be there and was just following her around. They'd also split up and talk to others a lot since they both knew people there though M didn't know as many. We had a little dance circle going on and they'd dance near/next to each other but never with each other though it seems like she tried to get him to. Then at the end as we were all leaving they seemed frustrated. I don't want to pry into her love life but based on these facts do you think M is having an affair with J or they're just good friends? I can't tell if they were awkward at the party because she dragged him into it or because they're trying to keep their "affair" on the DL since people know he has a girlfriend. When they worked together she was his supervisor so they couldn't date but now that is no longer the case. She doesn't seem like one to cause someone to cheat but I think she's been infatuated with him since Day 1 and thinks he's her dream guy. It's been 1.5 years and I don't think this is healthy for her... Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Unless your friend confides in you and asks for advice it is none of your business. Stay out of it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauren_e Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 Obviously I'm not going to confront her about it but it's only a matter of time before she brings it up so I'm just trying to figure out whether it'll be: 1) She's sad she's in the friend zone because he has a girlfriend 2) They'll start dating because he had an affair with her and is dumping his current girlfriend as a result I just don't want to see her get hurt. In my experience I'm always wary of men who have cheated in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveAiko Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I wouldn't worry yourself with it. Because whether you mean to or not, involving yourself in it could put a wedge in your friendship. If your friend wants to tell you, she will 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wbm665 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 She doesn't seem like one to cause someone to cheat but I think she's been infatuated with him since Day 1 and thinks he's her dream guy. It's been 1.5 years and I don't think this is healthy for her... I'm sorry, but please NO!!! You can't "cause" someone to cheat. You can allow someone to cheat, but it is an active choice taken by the person who is in the relationship and has made a commitment to another person. If he wants to cheat, he is going to cheat. She doesn't have some magic power to cause it. I have never understood the mentality of blame shifting to the OW. I truly never blamed the OW when my Ex cheated. HIS choice. It was too close to slut shaming her for his misdeeds. She made no commitment to me. He did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) If he is dating two women, and he's not one of the many player types, the duality is going to wear on him and the frustration will come out in other ways; like being more argumentative, or dissatisfied than one otherwise might expect. I'm not admitting to having any experience with this. This is on him so, no you can't lay that on the OW. However, there's something to the fact that when I'm alone, I can't get a date to save my life. But, as soon as I have a girlfriend interested women seem to come out of the woodwork. Edited February 25, 2016 by RRM321 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Your friend is an adult, IF she is an OW, does this change your friendship with her? Its her life, her call. He is also an adult (I hope) and has a mind of his own. It's his decision if he will cheat/already cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts