HeBa Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 So i was so hesitated to tell my story .. knowing that its too complicated to be true we knew eachother through work forum , he was helpful nice and supportive he had done so much to earn my trust and things he went into so seriously to earn my admiration like wasting so much weight changing way of life . Lots of things ... But Yes He is Married he lied abt it at the beginning saying that its a mistake in His passport telling me whole complicated story abt how he took someone address to issue a passport back on his original country , i believed him at the beginning as he was always keep saying abt how he had so much struggles in his life ..even that i don't know now its true or not .. then i come to know that yes the marriage thing is real but i wasn't real donot ask me but i felt that i had an opportunity to cross check that in his country but i didnt i just waited till he came out and tell me Finally i confronted him ..he said yes i am married and he have 2 kids as well but he said that he was separated since 10 years when i asked what's the younger child's age is he said 7 years and he kept adding new details now and while .. he didn't act like his wife is a monster and all that , he just said that he is unhappy and he have been living separately , he made up his mind since long time but he was stuck with divorce dilemma as she have to approve the divorce paper . since he is muslim as me i know that muslim men can initiate divorce without papers but he said in his country is different and he cried like baby apologizing and begging to have a second chance i listened to everything he said and asked my questions and he answered them all . i told him this is it . for the sake of ur committed life with me i will give u another chance but if i found out that ur lying i wont waste a moment with u. he cried unstopping and told me that he never meant to hurt me he was just afraid and scared of loosing me as we had 1 year gap before we broke it was my mistake i did it and i did return to him when i didn't know all that of course cuz he used to tell me how much he loved me. now , situation is yes he can initiate divorce but he lied that he cant ,he can do it easily he said because his wife threatened him with hurting his kids. i am not buying it but I don't know what to do ... suddenly everything is in a mess , he met my parents was talking abt marriage since we met i know that he love me .... but i have a trust issue and can't think properly .. one last detail we are in different countries me, him and the wife and kids basically different continents if i may say. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 What do you plan to do to make a great future for yourself? How can you feel you can trust him knowing he lies to you about things? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted November 30, 2015 Author Share Posted November 30, 2015 What do you plan to do to make a great future for yourself? How can you feel you can trust him knowing he lies to you about things? well how am i able to trust him ? .. i dont know but he have such a history with me long one , i was once the bitch and he was the good one now things changed . he always try to prove me his good intentions away from this thing i know that he didn't lie on anything else at least to my knowledge ... and ... i cant remember i did meet a man who doesn't lie about one thing or another ..except that this 1 lie is quite bigger than all previous men all together. Future.. that's really complicated word for me now i can't seems to see the next day the only thing is that I really have fallen in love with him , i saw how darely he take care of me and wait and appreciate everything i do... i don't know is this how Ow feels after the shock ..unbalanced and with unclear mind .he just keep begging me for giving him a chance to fix everything ... and i am silent don't know what to do... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 So if you weren't placing all of YOUR power in his hands - what would/could your life look like for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Why on earth would you want to continue with him, want him to leave his wife and kids for you after he LIED to you about being married, then minimized it even more! How could you ever trust him?? Find it in you to get MAD and love yourself more. This guy was never yours from the get go, he led you on and for that, he's a selfish shi.thead who doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Walk away and grieve the loss. This guy isn't worth it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 i don't know is this how Ow feels after the shock ..unbalanced and with unclear mind .he just keep begging me for giving him a chance to fix everything ... and i am silent don't know what to do... Yet he has NO intention of telling his wife that he's been having an affair, no intention of leaving and divorcing her to be with you. What he wants is to keep you in his life and the sidelines, to be there for him when he wants you. Doesn't that piss you off?!! Don't you want MORE than what he's offering you? He cannot give you what you want, he's married and has a family already. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 Finally i confronted him ..he said yes i am married and he have 2 kids as well but he said that he was separated since 10 years when i asked what's the younger child's age is he said 7 years and he kept adding new details now and while .. he didn't act like his wife is a monster and all that , he just said that he is unhappy and he have been living separately , he made up his mind since long time but he was stuck with divorce dilemma as she have to approve the divorce paper . since he is muslim as me i know that muslim men can initiate divorce without papers but he said in his country is different and he cried like baby apologizing and begging to have a second chance i listened to everything he said and asked my questions and he answered them all . I once knew a woman who, while still officially married, had not even SEEN her husband for EIGHT years. Now I don't think that anybody who banged her at that point gets to call himself the 'other man', and that goes double for that idiotic religious stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted November 30, 2015 Share Posted November 30, 2015 What do you possibly get out of your married boyfriend living on another continent? So you found out he lied about marriage, now you find out he lied about not being able to file for divorce, he lied by omission not telling you he had two kids...I mean...he has a whole FAMILY you knew nothing about. He says she threatened to harm the kids? Is he even with the kids? How much could he value them when he never mentioned them to you? If your that desperate for a man, your really really broken because this guys lies are downright scary. That passport story...wow...imagine being married and your spouse is doing this to you...you should feel so disgusted there should never be one more word exchanged EVER. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 So if you weren't placing all of YOUR power in his hands - what would/could your life look like for you? Not placing any power .. am not talking to him since then .. am just thinking how to deal with the story had much more shades.. how my life would/could look like ? like it was b4 .. i spend good good amount of time not giving him a chance to be with me ..I wasnt that weak b4 but now i think i am because i fall for him Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Why on earth would you want to continue with him, want him to leave his wife and kids for you after he LIED to you about being married, then minimized it even more! How could you ever trust him?? Find it in you to get MAD and love yourself more. This guy was never yours from the get go, he led you on and for that, he's a selfish shi.thead who doesn't deserve to have you in his life. Walk away and grieve the loss. This guy isn't worth it. Easier said than done .. as i mentioned b4 he is separated from His Kids Already before he met me.. they live with their mother in another country at least that's what I came to know and what he told me .. so he is not already with them to leave them .. he said he have loads of problems with her and she threatened him with kids and knowing his work nature cuz i used to sort of work with him he cant take care of kids as he moves alot ... Yes he is selfish and stupid .. all that you are right about but he is weak as well esp towards his kids .. maybe there's more i don't know but i once broke up with him for a year and got back to him in last May he was since then with me almost every sec visiting me regularly Trust him .. that's not in mind now .. am doubting and analysing every word he said ...and just as i mentioned ..i dont know what to do that's why i am seeking advices ..but i know i need to shed more lights on details. right now i am not talking to him and cut every contact ..till i figure out what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Yet he has NO intention of telling his wife that he's been having an affair, no intention of leaving and divorcing her to be with you. What he wants is to keep you in his life and the sidelines, to be there for him when he wants you. Doesn't that piss you off?!! Don't you want MORE than what he's offering you? He cannot give you what you want, he's married and has a family already. he sort of always with me .. always visiting talking texting , facetime , just like any single man would do that's why i didnt realize b4 we talk for like 3 years now maybe 2.3 without the Break-Up time..and yes he wanted me to be a 2nd wife as he said that he have troubles with divorce that's when the lies got cheaper and bigger .. Now he said he will sort out everything and find a way . I didn't want him at the beginning i broke with him and left him fro a year he was expressing his intention to marriage and all that since teh 1st year we were together he even met my Family twice. to him am not an affair and i know that that's why i am slowing down to think what to do and on the same time i need an advice from some1 neutral like u guys some1 who just would see the story from a distance and evaluate it on right basis ..that's why i am replying with more information .. and maybe some1 was in my place could help Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) Don't meet people online who live more than a few minutes drive away from you, and don't spend more than a few emails chatting. Its an efficient way to avoid people who are trying to deceive you. Some people disagree with this but I stand firm on it. Your life will be so much less complicated. Edited December 1, 2015 by Popsicle 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Don't meet people online who live more than a few minutes drive away from you, and don't spend more than a few emails chatting. Its an efficient way to avoid people who are trying to deceive you. Some people disagree with this but I stand firm on it. Your life will be so much less complicated. Ameen to that .. i knew him through work Forum and we met shortly afterwards .. but Yes i do agree with you totally .. people just live their own fantasy out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 I once knew a woman who, while still officially married, had not even SEEN her husband for EIGHT years. Now I don't think that anybody who banged her at that point gets to call himself the 'other man', and that goes double for that idiotic religious stuff. yes that's true , and i knew many examples of similar women .. But how long the relationship would last so it wont be Just a "Bang" ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBa Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 What do you possibly get out of your married boyfriend living on another continent? he do visit every 2-3 months yes he 's in another continent but we met regularly So you found out he lied about marriage, now you find out he lied about not being able to file for divorce, he lied by omission not telling you he had two kids...I mean...he has a whole FAMILY you knew nothing about. He says she threatened to harm the kids? Is he even with the kids? How much could he value them when he never mentioned them to you? Actually that's a great Point .. i don't know! but I noticed he love kids i can see that and i mentioned above his wife knows he cant take care of them due to his work circumstances .. not defending him but am just thinking with you.. If your that desperate for a man, your really really broken because this guys lies are downright scary. That passport story...wow...imagine being married and your spouse is doing this to you...you should feel so disgusted there should never be one more word exchanged EVER. I would appreciate it if you are less harsh on me with your words..i didn't know at the beginning and that incident is 3 days ago in a whole 3 Years relationship besides how could you tell if am desperate or Broken ? can't i just be shocked after being in love in such that long time .. yes i do not talk him since then and knowing that we had long history i was really mean to him before and he was so supportive even in Break up time.. Now there's nothing going on and I came here for neutral advice not for accusation and insolence I don't know what you have seen in your life but pretty much i guess you didn't meet enough men .. cuz at some point or another they all Lie about something big or small its just your good effort to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 HeBa, I'm sure it's very shocking to find that your bf of 3 years has been so intensely dishonest with you. ...at some point or another [all men] Lie about something big or small its just your good effort to find out. Even if all men lie about something small (like whether he ate the last donut, or does your butt look big in those pants), that is not a reason to tolerate a big, no, GARGANTUAN lie like "I'm not married and have no kids". Many or most men (and women) do NOT lie like that. Whatever you do with this man going forward, just be aware that you cannot trust a word he says, on any topic really......feelings, facts, intentions, he has lied and will lie about them all. Heck, if he tells you the time, you should still check your watch. Please think about what it will be like going forward, now that you've realized you cannot rely on a single word out of his mouth, ever. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Sorry if I missed it.... Have you ever been to HIS home? I'm sorry. I know that this is such a long time to invest in someone. I'm not sure that I could ever truly trust anything about him! What were your long term plans? You moving to be with him? He couldn't move away from his children...could he? I couldn't be with a man who would leave his children, never see them regularly, even if it was for me! That speaks volumes about a persons capacity to love. Link to post Share on other sites
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