How I talk myself off the NC ledge

[yodelwithyu]

I have been pretty good at telling myself I am not going to break NC but there ARE those moments, where you just feel so so low. When I feel weak and alone, I don’t want to break NC to talk, or win him back. I just want to scream at him for being a sociopathic child, I want to say things hurt him (useless due to sociopathy), or I just want to let him hear my pain (again, useless). But no worries, I may not be standing strong (or at all) on anything else at the moment, but I got this. This is what I do, and it might help some of you.

 

1. First, don’t break NC, no matter who broke up with whom, because that means they win. You are sitting here waiting to see if he will write. If he doesn’t write first, he has shown you everything you need to know. Now if he does write though, DON’T write back!!! NC!! And let him wonder and wait. Forever. YOU WIN! Yeah, it’s petty and childish, but hey, whatever works. Think about it this way, especially if they broke up with you: They haven’t bothered to write for whatever reason. The little crumbs we got are gone. Essentially, contacting them puts us right back in the same situation of begging them to care, saying “look at me, pick me, LOVE ME.” Now, picture breaking NC, and on the other side, xMM and W are sitting reading/listening to your message, laughing together or pitying you. F that. You are better than that. Yeah, it happens. Which brings me to point two.

 

2. Read the infidelity board. Better yet, read sites like overcoming infidelity. A lot of it is going to bother you, like hysterical bonding (vomit), or how cowardly some MMs can be, or the fact that things are rough and crappy, but they are still putting in the effort for their M. It is not for the faint of heart, because with every post, I imagine them, especially all the RECONCILIATION!!! ones. Ugh. It is important though, to see what some of these MMs write and what the Ws say that their husbands are doing. Like showing them all contact from AP (and everyone else). Some really do want to make things work, and there is no bigger finality than that. This may be a trigger for some of you, and if you feel like that, stop reading for a while. Build up your tolerance slowly, but try. There is no more eye-opening we need other than to imagine that they are in reconciliation.

 

That is all I have for the NC, the one glimmer of hope and strength that I am actually sure I don’t want to break it. Everything else, well, I’m taking hour by hour. Breathe in. Breathe out. Rinse, lather, repeat.

[yodelwithyu]

I forgot to mention another thing that helps. I had been doing this before NC when things got really rough, but I got tired of saying the same things over and over, and it made a difference to me. You know how people say write letters and don’t send them? Well, create an email account, and send them there. For some reason, the actual act of sending is takes some of the weight off. At least for me. I just type furiously on my laptop or phone and hit send, and it is out there. Whatever you wanted to say, in whichever way.