SoleMate Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 A change is coming in 2005, and I'm guessing that some of you may not have heard. There will be a revolution in MM/OW relationships the like of which the human race has never seen. On March 11, all painful attachments to MM will be instantly obliterated, leaving behind only a vague bemusement in the OW's mind. Approximately 114 million women worldwide will be affected. From March 12 - March 19, former OW will be attending classes on "Differentiating Married Men from Single Men, and Why It Matters", taught all over the world in at least 820 languages. In Manhattan, the former OW will be learning via slick multi-media presentations in polished corporate conference rooms. In Sri Lanka, instructors will be squatting and drawing little diagrams in the dirt with a pointed stick. Everywhere, the message will be the same. From March 20 - March 26, married and single women of all ages from 15-95 will receive illustrated brochures detailing the progression of a typical MM/OW relationship via simple line drawings, couched in culturally appropriate terms. By week's end, over 2.8 billion women will have received this information. On March 27, a flood of newly available single women, former OWs, will be unleashed on the dating world. They'll be jaunty and confident, ready to enjoy life and just possibly consider a relationship with a man at some future date. By June 15, hordes of desperate, sex-starved MM will have tried every possible way to entice new persons into the OW trap, but will have failed totally. On June 18, a rumor hits the Internet that a small island in the Pacific did not receive the education and still has a few hundred women available for OW status. An expedition involving over 300 private yachts and float planes, accommodating a force of MM some 12,000 strong, converges on the island. After some unpleasant discussion with local officials, the expedition leader appears on the deck of his yacht and announces via loudspeaker that ther has been "some mistake". Due to fuel shortages, some yachts are temporarily abandoned and later become home to an endangered population of diarrheal sea turtles with unusually viscous and adherent dung. The MM straggle homeward over the next few months. On July 12, reports appear noting increased income of over 22% in the commercial sex trade. On August 8, over 50% of former OW-using MM have become desperate and started paying affectionate attention to their wives, for lack of any better ideas. On September 4, a popular Internet discussion group for good men who cannot find female partners disband for lack of interest. On October 1, crime statistics show 18% fewer barfights and 73% fewer incidents of spousal abuse. November is the lowest divorce rate month since record keeping began in over 1800 localities. On December 18, the last of the MM sea voyagers arrives home in Sydney, Australia, to a loving wife who welcomes him home with a kiss, a gin and tonic, and the whispered words, "All is forgiven." Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Don't forget that taking the class "Why idiots should not marry, especially each other" is being made mandatory to graduate in every, single bloody country in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Upon release of the immediate best-seller chart topping self-help book "Why Idiots Shouldn't Marry" by Mr. Spock, a tremendous flood of divorces begin again, when 3/4s of the world's population suddenly realize that they too qualify as an idiot. With that sudden influx of single people back into the gene pool, random mutations suddenly begin appearing throughout the world. Heretofore unheard of psi powers suddenly begin manifesting, as those billions of idiots stop in-breeding. World peace must be just moments away. Link to post Share on other sites
fanou22 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 This is hilarious Are there enough SGs to accomodate the influx of former OW? Link to post Share on other sites
SixthSt.Girl Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by Owl Upon release of the immediate best-seller chart topping self-help book "Why Idiots Shouldn't Marry" by Mr. Spock, a tremendous flood of divorces begin again, when 3/4s of the world's population suddenly realize that they too qualify as an idiot. With that sudden influx of single people back into the gene pool, random mutations suddenly begin appearing throughout the world. Heretofore unheard of psi powers suddenly begin manifesting, as those billions of idiots stop in-breeding. World peace must be just moments away. Now THAT is funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Mmm Hmm. Let's not forget the sequel "Why idiots shouldn't breed, especially with each other" Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Why do we have to wait until March 11??!?!?!?!?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Have you been licking frogs, SoleMate? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts