More drama

[solostand]

I wrote a very long thread and my computer ate it so here are the basics:

 

1. I had a two year old tape of a two hour long conversation between me and ex-MM

 

2. My ex-husband came to visit me for ten days and while I was at work he had complete access to my computer

 

3. Today I get a text from ex-MM threatening suicide because his wife had received an audiotape of him and I.

 

4. Blindsided, I'm like what?

 

5. I decide I have to call BW or police because he was threatening to kill himself.

 

6. I call BW first and tell her my concern. She said her daughter had sent the suicide threatening texts from his phone, after BW got audiotape on FB from my ex husband. ex-MM was saying he loved me, on tape she received.

 

7. She asked questions. I answered them.

 

8. I apologized.

 

9. Have not yet been able to reach ex-husband re: what the hell he did and why the hell he did it.

 

10. Should have destroyed that tape long ago.

[MissBee]

I think you need to change your number, email etc. Or at least block MM, his wife, his daughter, everyone he knows from being able to email or text you. You can't keep leaving space for them to re-engage you.

 

Curious: why was your ex-husband "visiting" you? What does this mean? Why does he need to visit is he's your ex and more confusing, why does he need to stay at your place? The fact he's searching through your computer and sending recordings to the BS shows that this man means you no good so I'm not understanding the circumstances of your ex staying at your home, "visiting" and having access to your stuff. You should probably rethink your relationship with him as well.

 

I get from many of your threads that this drama cycle is something you feed on in some way. This isn't a judgment btw, just stating that it seems to be a recurring theme and that many people do struggle with this problem. Everyone in this seems to like it. MM threatens suicide, you tried it too, daughter keeps texting, BS keeps calling, ex-husband is sending audio recordings...I mean...it's A LOT! So given that, I understand that you yourself might invite it or not shut it down in many ways because you get something out of it...but you're gonna have to own that and start taking responsibility for what you can. I'd start by cutting off all the avenues of communication with MM, his wife, his kid, everyone...and also your ex-husband. Unless you NEED to speak to him about your kid or some such I'd avoid allowing him to stay at your home or having any form of relationship with him.

 

Until you do, I'm afraid you'll continue making new threads about some new drama.

[privategal]

I think you need to change your number, email etc. Or at least block MM, his wife, his daughter, everyone he knows from being able to email or text you. You can't keep leaving space for them to re-engage you.

 

Curious: why was your ex-husband "visiting" you? What does this mean? Why does he need to visit is he's your ex and more confusing, why does he need to stay at your place? The fact he's searching through your computer and sending recordings to the BS shows that this man means you no good so I'm not understanding the circumstances of your ex staying at your home, "visiting" and having access to your stuff. You should probably rethink your relationship with him as well.

 

I get from many of your threads that this drama cycle is something you feed on in some way. This isn't a judgment btw, just stating that it seems to be a recurring theme and that many people do struggle with this problem. Everyone in this seems to like it. MM threatens suicide, you tried it too, daughter keeps texting, BS keeps calling, ex-husband is sending audio recordings...I mean...it's A LOT! So given that, I understand that you yourself might invite it or not shut it down in many ways because you get something out of it...but you're gonna have to own that and start taking responsibility for what you can. I'd start by cutting off all the avenues of communication with MM, his wife, his kid, everyone...and also your ex-husband. Unless you NEED to speak to him about your kid or some such I'd avoid allowing him to stay at your home or having any form of relationship with him.

 

Until you do, I'm afraid you'll continue making new threads about some new drama.

Why do I suspect yiu invite/ encourage/ seek this drama.

With all due respect I thought you were gone, done, dead ti him? Why isn't he blocked? How does your ex have his wifes info to send audio tape?

Something isn't adding up...

[trolloperative]

Sorry but I don't believe your husband was the one to send the audio. What incentive would be have? To break up MM marriage so you could be the him?

 

Find other, more productive ways to entertain yourself. Theses are people lives.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I wrote a very long thread and my computer ate it so here are the basics:

 

1. I had a two year old tape of a two hour long conversation between me and ex-MM

 

2. My ex-husband came to visit me for ten days and while I was at work he had complete access to my computer

 

3. Today I get a text from ex-MM threatening suicide because his wife had received an audiotape of him and I.

 

4. Blindsided, I'm like what?

 

5. I decide I have to call BW or police because he was threatening to kill himself.

 

6. I call BW first and tell her my concern. She said her daughter had sent the suicide threatening texts from his phone, after BW got audiotape on FB from my ex husband. ex-MM was saying he loved me, on tape she received.

 

7. She asked questions. I answered them.

 

8. I apologized.

 

9. Have not yet been able to reach ex-husband re: what the hell he did and why the hell he did it.

 

10. Should have destroyed that tape long ago.

 

That is the most unbelievable coincidence I've ever heard! Last thread, you were done, never turning back and then THIS??! What a turn of events.

[whichwayisup]

So, just a guess...Your ex H didn't know all the details of your A with (ex)MM, he stumbled across your computer and this tape, then he sent (a copy or the original) to exMM's wife? Maybe he thought the A was still happening? Thought exMM's wife should know..and now your ex is avoiding you aka pissed at you.

 

Something really isn't making sense here. Also, I thought you blocked exMM and his whole family. How are they able to contact you so freely when you moved away? CHANGE your number!

 

How long ago did your ex visit you? How soon did exMM contact you through text after you exH went back home?

 

7. She asked questions. I answered them.

 

What kind questions did she ask you?

 

I hope this drama ends. Just seems like it's on going and won't stop until you truly want it to stop and block all of them once and for all.

[solostand]

My relationship with my ex has always been turbulent. This is not the first time he's done something like this - he's done a lot worse in the past. That's why he's my ex. He stayed with me because he wanted to reunite and I was considering it. I keep forgetting what he's really like, because he presents himself as someone who loves me unconditionally.When he's good, he's really really good. When he's bad, he's horrid.

 

From what I gather, he sent the recordings through Facebook, although he shut me down completely when I tried to ask him. That is typical of him. The ex-MMs BS said it was through Facebook. I'm not quite sure what the recordings said, don't actually want to know, really don't care. As to why he did it? To punish ex-MM for sleeping with his "wife", I presume. He has always told me he only got married once, and he considers me his wife for life, regardless of what I do. He knew about the affair and hated ex-MM.

 

This doesn't change anything for me. I'm not actually very traumatized because, as I told ex-MM BS, its all in the past for me and I feel really detached from it all for some reason.

 

She asked questions about the affair. I answered them honestly, without drama, and apologized for my part in it. I thought they were all blocked but ex-MM's cell phone wasn't.

 

I expect this to be the end of it. I'm not letting it set me back.

 

And yes, I must be doing something to attract this drama although I have been trying really really hard to get and keep my head on straight.

[cocorico]

I wrote a very long thread and my computer ate it so here are the basics:

 

1. I had a two year old tape of a two hour long conversation between me and ex-MM

 

2. My ex-husband came to visit me for ten days and while I was at work he had complete access to my computer

 

3. Today I get a text from ex-MM threatening suicide because his wife had received an audiotape of him and I.

 

4. Blindsided, I'm like what?

 

5. I decide I have to call BW or police because he was threatening to kill himself.

 

6. I call BW first and tell her my concern. She said her daughter had sent the suicide threatening texts from his phone, after BW got audiotape on FB from my ex husband. ex-MM was saying he loved me, on tape she received.

 

7. She asked questions. I answered them.

 

8. I apologized.

 

9. Have not yet been able to reach ex-husband re: what the hell he did and why the hell he did it.

 

10. Should have destroyed that tape long ago.

 

 

So now she knows. Since you are no longer involved with him, there will be no new "surprises" to emerge, and no fresh drama.

 

Leave the xH in the past.

 

Leave the xMM in the past.

 

Leave all of his toxic family, friends, colleagues, pets, neighbours, acquaintances etc in the past.

 

Without any fresh material, there will be nothing for the drama to feed off and it will slowly die. Just keep walking.

[starglider]

Solo,

 

You may enjoy a book called "The Human Magnet Syndrome" by Ross Rosenberg (available on kindle too). Despite the silly title, it is actually a pretty brilliant book and very helpful for deconstructing dysfunctional relationships.

 

If 1 to 5 are ranks of "emotional manipulators" (narcissists, addicts, drama-seeking people, passive aggressives, takers) with 5 being the most extreme, then a +5 will attract a -5 person, a +3 person will attract a -3 person (less unhealthy than a -5) etc. The negative scale counter parts are the "givers" or codependents or APs or co-addicts. Perfectly balanced, zero-drama, mature and healthy people (if they exist) would be a zero.

 

It may be helpful for you to read about this powerful attraction in the high drama levels of +4/-4 and +5/-5.

 

If you've been in that zone your life and want more stability, less drama, and are ready for something more boring but grounding, it gives good pointers for ways to behaviorally strive to change.

 

As I recall you and your exMM were in AA together, so you must already have a lot of understanding of these dynamics. The book is a good, fast, thought-provoking read.

[awkward]

I'm pretty sure you said previously that you only had one recording and on it he was talking about how he wanted his wife dead. Is this the recording your ex-husband sent or did you have multiple recordings?

 

I hope you are able to close the door now.

[solostand]

There is only one recording, but it is several hours long. It has to be the one my ex husband sent, but from what I have been able to gather, he hasn't sent the whole thing, only snippets.

 

 

Tried to get info out of ex husband, but gave up. He shut me down completely (which is his pattern) so I don't know what he actually sent. He has obviously listened to it and is very unhappy with the contents.

 

I only know what she told me she got, which is him telling me he loves me. Funny, I don't even remember that part of the tape (she asked if I liked to listen to her husband telling me he loves me over and over again. I told her I haven't listened to it in years.)

 

She also wanted to know when the affair ended. I told her the truth. She wanted to know if it would be still going on if I hadn't moved. I said I did not know. She asked if I would tell her if I ever moved back so she could be aware.

 

I should have destroyed that stupid tape years ago but I save everything.

 

I dunno, I can't control what happened, but I am still not letting it set me back.

 

I do have empathy for her just hearing this now. I did tell her I was sorry, knowing that it would mean nothing to her. She said it meant nothing.I told her the affair didn't matter to me anymore. She said it matters to her. I can totally understand that. She told me he "finally admitted" to the whole thing. I was of the understanding that he had admitted it already but he's a known liar so who the hell knows. I can only assume he's pretty busy throwing me under a bus right now. If he was able to say such dreadful things about her to me, I can only imagine the horrible things he's saying about me to her.

[cozycottagelg]

Why were you taping a random hour long conversation with your MM? Was he aware he was being recorded? And where did you store it so that your ex could find it so easily? This is baffling to me. I save everything too, but things I don't want people to find, aren't anywhere people can find...

[solostand]

At the time my job involved conducting taped interviews. I had my tape recorder in my purse at all times. It got turned on accidentally, leading to the taping of not only that conversation, but every conversation I had all morning until I realized it had been turned on. No, he did not know he was being taped nor did I. When I plugged my recorder into my computer, it went into my my audio files like all my other interviews went. It stayed in my audio files in my computer, which is where it was found, I guess. When my ex husband was visiting me, I was working every day and he was at my place. He was using my computer, I thought he was looking up fly fishing sites. It never occurred to me that he would go fishing through audio files and find this.