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Is he trying to have an affair with me?


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I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married, and I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man. Met "John" in June 2014 at a local sporting event that happens twice monthly in our area, he was a friend of a friend, and we got talking and found we had several common interests.

We became Facebook friends and we kept up with each other there at least 2 times a week, and we'd still see each other at the bi-monthly sporting event (his wife doesn't attend, not into sports). We were always kinda flirty with each other: hugs "hello" and "goodbye" and twice John pretended to be my boyfriend in order to chase off two would be suitors whom I wasn't impressed with. If he arrives at the sporting event late, he'll walk all the way over to where my seats are (he sits on the other side of the arena) to let me know he's there. I never thought any of this was leading to "something;" John is a member of one of those Christian Motorcycle Clubs so I never figured he was looking for anything outside of his marriage, but lately I'm starting to wonder.

 

 

 

Last Saturday night 4 of us (myself and John included) went out to dinner after the event and I sat next to John. Almost immediately my arm kinda brushed his and he didn't move his away; his arm was right there against mine all through dinner (he is a body builder, so he's got big arms. Might not have been on purpose). The arm thing didn't freak me out but I started to notice that he was making a lot of groany/moany/growly sounds frequently (like "Mmmm" sorta satisfied with something type of noises). What was with that? A lot of times he makes similar sounds when I hug him, but at dinner it was only that arm contact thing that I'm not positive was on purpose. But it was weird enough that I mentioned to him, "You're really groany and growly tonight" and when I said that, he looked sorta surprised, like he didn't realize he was doing it and quikly told me it was because he'd worked out hard that morning. I know it's stupid that some groany noises is what's making me wonder, but it is. Is he trying to get me into bed?

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I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married, and I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man. Met "John" in June 2014 at a local sporting event that happens twice monthly in our area, he was a friend of a friend, and we got talking and found we had several common interests.

We became Facebook friends and we kept up with each other there at least 2 times a week, and we'd still see each other at the bi-monthly sporting event (his wife doesn't attend, not into sports). We were always kinda flirty with each other: hugs "hello" and "goodbye" and twice John pretended to be my boyfriend in order to chase off two would be suitors whom I wasn't impressed with. If he arrives at the sporting event late, he'll walk all the way over to where my seats are (he sits on the other side of the arena) to let me know he's there. I never thought any of this was leading to "something;" John is a member of one of those Christian Motorcycle Clubs so I never figured he was looking for anything outside of his marriage, but lately I'm starting to wonder.

 

 

 

Last Saturday night 4 of us (myself and John included) went out to dinner after the event and I sat next to John. Almost immediately my arm kinda brushed his and he didn't move his away; his arm was right there against mine all through dinner (he is a body builder, so he's got big arms. Might not have been on purpose). The arm thing didn't freak me out but I started to notice that he was making a lot of groany/moany/growly sounds frequently (like "Mmmm" sorta satisfied with something type of noises). What was with that? A lot of times he makes similar sounds when I hug him, but at dinner it was only that arm contact thing that I'm not positive was on purpose. But it was weird enough that I mentioned to him, "You're really groany and growly tonight" and when I said that, he looked sorta surprised, like he didn't realize he was doing it and quikly told me it was because he'd worked out hard that morning. I know it's stupid that some groany noises is what's making me wonder, but it is. Is he trying to get me into bed?

 

 

I'm not quite sure that this thread is genuine (and if it is apologies for doubting) but it seems to me you answered your own question. I don't have a plethora of male friends but none of them grunt, groan or moan when I hug them. So yes, he is acting improperly (and it sounds creepy as well?)

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TaraMaiden2

It doesn't really matter what he thinks, says or does.

It's what you do, that matters.

I would put distance between you, and quit being so 'close' to him, either physically or mentally.

The very first line in your post -

 

I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married

 

Should be ample reason and sufficient justification to not even begin dwelling on wtf is going on with him.

 

Make sure that when you are around him, you maintain at least three feet distance.

Do not go out for meals with him and if you see fit to do so, invite both him AND his wife to a BBQ... Say you'd love to meet her.

 

His response will tell you everything you need to know.

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There's a book called "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass that you might find interesting to read. It gives some great insight between the differences between being friends and when close is too close. While this guy might or might not be looking for an affair, the behavior you describe is probably going to lead him into one, if not with you then with someone else.

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casey.lives

if you know you like him: leave him and his marriage alone. get on with our own life and don't worry about married men. Do what i do: write them off instantly.

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Friskyone4u

Its alwasy amazing when a grown woman who knows how to get rid of SINGLE guys hitting on her and has no trouble knowing what they are after all of a sudden becoomes totall confused when a marreid man does the same thing.

 

Now if you told me that you have never dated, never gone out clubbing or anything like that it might make sense that you cannot answer the question you have asked.

 

I guess you are looking for reaction that says its just fine to keep flirting with a married man if it makes you happy. If you really want an answer to your question, just look in the mirror and answer it you rself and use your brain

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I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married, and I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man. Met "John" in June 2014 at a local sporting event that happens twice monthly in our area, he was a friend of a friend, and we got talking and found we had several common interests.

We became Facebook friends and we kept up with each other there at least 2 times a week, and we'd still see each other at the bi-monthly sporting event (his wife doesn't attend, not into sports). We were always kinda flirty with each other: hugs "hello" and "goodbye" and twice John pretended to be my boyfriend in order to chase off two would be suitors whom I wasn't impressed with. If he arrives at the sporting event late, he'll walk all the way over to where my seats are (he sits on the other side of the arena) to let me know he's there. I never thought any of this was leading to "something;" John is a member of one of those Christian Motorcycle Clubs so I never figured he was looking for anything outside of his marriage, but lately I'm starting to wonder.

 

 

 

Last Saturday night 4 of us (myself and John included) went out to dinner after the event and I sat next to John. Almost immediately my arm kinda brushed his and he didn't move his away; his arm was right there against mine all through dinner (he is a body builder, so he's got big arms. Might not have been on purpose). The arm thing didn't freak me out but I started to notice that he was making a lot of groany/moany/growly sounds frequently (like "Mmmm" sorta satisfied with something type of noises). What was with that? A lot of times he makes similar sounds when I hug him, but at dinner it was only that arm contact thing that I'm not positive was on purpose. But it was weird enough that I mentioned to him, "You're really groany and growly tonight" and when I said that, he looked sorta surprised, like he didn't realize he was doing it and quikly told me it was because he'd worked out hard that morning. I know it's stupid that some groany noises is what's making me wonder, but it is. Is he trying to get me into bed?

 

Probably just fantasizing and got caught doing it out loud. He probably has no intentions on acting on it.

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You just described what my mm did before our affair started!! Exactly the same!

 

Run as fast as you can and do not! I repeat do not look back!!

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I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married, and I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man.

 

 

So then don't.

 

 

It's that simple. Not sure why you're making it sound like somehow you will end up in bed with this guy against your will. By the way, during the dinner where his arm was touching yours, why didn't you just move your arm out of the way?

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I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man.

 

if i had a dime...

 

keep reading here and you'll know what i mean.

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I'm asking out of concern, becaues this guy is married, and I DO NOT want to get involved with a married man. Met "John" in June 2014 at a local sporting event that happens twice monthly in our area, he was a friend of a friend, and we got talking and found we had several common interests.

We became Facebook friends and we kept up with each other there at least 2 times a week, and we'd still see each other at the bi-monthly sporting event (his wife doesn't attend, not into sports). We were always kinda flirty with each other: hugs "hello" and "goodbye" and twice John pretended to be my boyfriend in order to chase off two would be suitors whom I wasn't impressed with. If he arrives at the sporting event late, he'll walk all the way over to where my seats are (he sits on the other side of the arena) to let me know he's there. I never thought any of this was leading to "something;" John is a member of one of those Christian Motorcycle Clubs so I never figured he was looking for anything outside of his marriage, but lately I'm starting to wonder.

 

 

 

Last Saturday night 4 of us (myself and John included) went out to dinner after the event and I sat next to John. Almost immediately my arm kinda brushed his and he didn't move his away; his arm was right there against mine all through dinner (he is a body builder, so he's got big arms. Might not have been on purpose). The arm thing didn't freak me out but I started to notice that he was making a lot of groany/moany/growly sounds frequently (like "Mmmm" sorta satisfied with something type of noises). What was with that? A lot of times he makes similar sounds when I hug him, but at dinner it was only that arm contact thing that I'm not positive was on purpose. But it was weird enough that I mentioned to him, "You're really groany and growly tonight" and when I said that, he looked sorta surprised, like he didn't realize he was doing it and quikly told me it was because he'd worked out hard that morning. I know it's stupid that some groany noises is what's making me wonder, but it is. Is he trying to get me into bed?

 

:laugh:

 

I'm not sure if you can extrapolate groany, growly noises and arm touches to him trying to get you into bed. However, you said in caps that you don't want an affair with him. So your desire NOT to have an affair is what matters MOST. No matter how much a married might might want to get you into bed, if you aren't interested, his groany, growly noises should not matter. The way you've asked your question makes it seem like you can just fall into his bed against your will because of his groany noises, when in reality, if you don't want him, you will not.

 

It really doesn't matter if that's what he wants and to me that shouldn't be something you pay too much attention to. If you think he has inappropriate desires then erect some more boundaries, maybe not sitting beside him at events for example, not rubbing arms against him, giving a quick side hug instead of a full frontal. There are LOTS of ways you can erect boundaries and make sure something is 100% platonic with a man you're not interested in. Do those things.

 

However, in my own observation, when someone needs to figure out if a married person wants them and needs to read into their actions it tells me they are also intrigued and get some validation from this as why would it matter at all what he desires if you aren't interested?

Edited by MissBee
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gettingstronger

I don't see a lot there, but then again, I am not there in person to pick up on the nuances of whats going on-

 

But I think you have a huge crush on him and if you truly do not want to get involved with a MM, acknowledge this to yourself and don't pay so much attention to every little thing he does-

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You never know, but he might be trying to.

I say stay away from that.

Do you want to sink, too?

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Who knows what the moaning and groaning noises mean?

 

Perhaps he has indigestion.

 

Just stay away from him and then you won't have to worry about having an affair with a married man.

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