Badlover Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 As much as I hate this and feel totally guilty, I'm unbelievably attracted to one of the managers at my job. He isn't my manager, but we work closely together. I'm not typically drawn to many men, and I wasn't drawn to him at first, but through working together I learned we love all the same obscure books and authors, he remembers small personal details I share about myself and refers back to them, he's super polite and friendly with me (more than anyone), and he's super cool and full of interesting conversation. He's so engaging, and cool, and smart, and he makes the most warm and confident eye contact, he always makes me feel special. He's a little older, but I don't care, he's so my type. I think about him all the time, I've even been dreaming that he kissed me. I'm so into him I try to act uninterested, but he's still warm. Problem: his live in girlfriend of over 2 years works with us ? How do I stop thinking about and dreaming of him? It's getting worse and worse with each encounter, I'm finding it difficult not to stare and get shy when he comes around. His girlfriend is really nice, I respect her and I'm scared he'll figure out how I feel and tell her. What can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Read this. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 You give yourself permission to enjoy the fantasy but you school yourself to remain professional at all other times & you take pains to never be alone with him. You also spend time finding an available man of your own to date. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 As much as I hate this and feel totally guilty, I'm unbelievably attracted to one of the managers at my job. He isn't my manager, but we work closely together. I'm not typically drawn to many men, and I wasn't drawn to him at first, but through working together I learned we love all the same obscure books and authors, he remembers small personal details I share about myself and refers back to them, he's super polite and friendly with me (more than anyone), and he's super cool and full of interesting conversation. He's so engaging, and cool, and smart, and he makes the most warm and confident eye contact, he always makes me feel special. He's a little older, but I don't care, he's so my type. I think about him all the time, I've even been dreaming that he kissed me. I'm so into him I try to act uninterested, but he's still warm. Problem: his live in girlfriend of over 2 years works with us ? How do I stop thinking about and dreaming of him? It's getting worse and worse with each encounter, I'm finding it difficult not to stare and get shy when he comes around. His girlfriend is really nice, I respect her and I'm scared he'll figure out how I feel and tell her. What can I do? It is very natural to form attractions to other ppl when you work closely together. You are asking for more drama than you can ever imagine by contemplating getting into an A at work, especially since the person's significant other works with you. Just imagine how this will turn out? Separate yourself from him. Stop talking to him about your personal life and run away from this guy like your life depends on it. This is a tsunami waiting to happen. You don't want to ruin your career over a crush. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badlover Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 You give yourself permission to enjoy the fantasy but you school yourself to remain professional at all other times & you take pains to never be alone with him. You also spend time finding an available man of your own to date. Thank you for responding, I'm currently dating other men and can't help comparing them to him. They're nothing compared to him. Do you think he knows? Sometimes I get the feeling he does, and his girlfriend was a little cold with me at first but I've put effort into being polite to her and now she's very sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badlover Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 It is very natural to form attractions to other ppl when you work closely together. You are asking for more drama than you can ever imagine by contemplating getting into an A at work, especially since the person's significant other works with you. Just imagine how this will turn out? Separate yourself from him. Stop talking to him about your personal life and run away from this guy like your life depends on it. This is a tsunami waiting to happen. You don't want to ruin your career over a crush. Omg that would be a humiliating nightmare, I couldn't even imagine... I'd totally quit my job... Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 Omg that would be a humiliating nightmare, I couldn't even imagine... I'd totally quit my job... If we apply a simple version of Transactional analysis... In your 'Child Mode,' you want him, want him, want him. Get into your 'Parent Mode,' and tell yourself that you can't have him, and that pursuing him is unsafe. Be in 'Adult Mode,' at work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 If he does know it's because his GF told him. Men can be kind of clueless. Especially if he's into his GF 7 just friendly, it probably didn't really dawn on him. Give him a wide berth. Be friendly & respectful to her so she stops looking at you with daggers in her eyes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badlover Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 If he does know it's because his GF told him. Men can be kind of clueless. Especially if he's into his GF 7 just friendly, it probably didn't really dawn on him. Give him a wide berth. Be friendly & respectful to her so she stops looking at you with daggers in her eyes. God, I'm embarrassed already... We work in completely different departments, she's never seen him and I in the same room before so if that's true it's because someone in my department picked up on it and told her *face palm*. She's alot nicer since I complimented her nail polish a few weeks ago, she actually says hi to me now. I've been getting subtle hints he may have an idea, hopefully they both think they're wrong now though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badlover Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 If we apply a simple version of Transactional analysis... In your 'Child Mode,' you want him, want him, want him. Get into your 'Parent Mode,' and tell yourself that you can't have him, and that pursuing him is unsafe. Be in 'Adult Mode,' at work. Very interesting concept, I just wish the Wikipedia page wasn't so complicated. Thanks for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 What someone else said above... you remain professional to him and stop sharing personal details. He's not available. His girlfriend also works there, so if this were to turn into a bigger situation then it is, you can bet they'd both gang up on you. Your livelihood isn't worth ruining over this. A lot of affairs start in the workplace. Mine did. I lucked out in one aspect- no one found out about the affair, and my career is intact (so is his, for what it's worth- not much). But here's the thing: I can't begin to paint you a picture of the misery I live in everyday having to still work in the same building as him. It's difficult and it is not worth losing your sanity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 I'd suggest doing some reading here. A lot of affair stories here that began in the workplace, then ended badly with the OW losing her job or wishing she had. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 As much as I hate this and feel totally guilty, I'm unbelievably attracted to one of the managers at my job. He isn't my manager, but we work closely together. I'm not typically drawn to many men, and I wasn't drawn to him at first, but through working together I learned we love all the same obscure books and authors, he remembers small personal details I share about myself and refers back to them, he's super polite and friendly with me (more than anyone), and he's super cool and full of interesting conversation. He's so engaging, and cool, and smart, and he makes the most warm and confident eye contact, he always makes me feel special. He's a little older, but I don't care, he's so my type. I think about him all the time, I've even been dreaming that he kissed me. I'm so into him I try to act uninterested, but he's still warm. Problem: his live in girlfriend of over 2 years works with us ? How do I stop thinking about and dreaming of him? It's getting worse and worse with each encounter, I'm finding it difficult not to stare and get shy when he comes around. His girlfriend is really nice, I respect her and I'm scared he'll figure out how I feel and tell her. What can I do? You make yourself stop. Be strong and stop fantasizing about him, stop lusting after him. He has a girlfriend, you all work together so unless you want a not nice reputation at work, my suggestion is stop letting yourself 'feel' so much when you're around him. Sooner or later people will notice how you "look" at him or how you speak to him. And so might his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 God, I'm embarrassed already... We work in completely different departments, she's never seen him and I in the same room before so if that's true it's because someone in my department picked up on it and told her *face palm*. She's alot nicer since I complimented her nail polish a few weeks ago, she actually says hi to me now. I've been getting subtle hints he may have an idea, hopefully they both think they're wrong now though. Office gossip. Some people thrive off of it so don't think others haven't noticed. If she suspects you're too flirty/too close with her bf, watch out. Continue dating others but STOP comparing them to him. You really don't know him, you know what he shows you at work, that's it. Your mind and feelings for him have created a near perfect man... Nobody is perfect! Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 26, 2015 Share Posted February 26, 2015 Perhaps do some dating outside of the workplace, try to keep your distance from the manager. Link to post Share on other sites
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